Frost - Marianna Baer

need to bandage this or something?”

“I’ll do it.”

I got supplies from my first-aid kit in the medicine cabinet,

my thoughts spinning. If Celeste really didn’t know what I was

talking about, did that mean someone had snuck in our bedroom

and thrown her photo while she was in the bath, or with Whip,

and she just hadn’t found it yet?

After applying antibiotic ointment to her burn, I tore off a

piece of tape and affixed gauze across it. She’d seemed so

vulnerable: sitting in the tub, all skinny and trembling. How would

she react if she knew that while she’d been in there, someone

had done that to her artwork? Would she accuse Abby because of

164

the way they’d been sniping at dinner? I bit my cheeks and

wondered if maybe . . . maybe it would be better if I didn’t tell her

at all. At least, not now, while she was already shaky.

“There,” I said, smoothing down the final piece of tape. “It’s

not actually that bad, I don’t think. Just hurts.”

“Thanks,” she said.

I was on my way out when she added, “Leena? Don’t tell

David about this.”

For a minute I thought she meant about the photo. But, no.

Her burn. “Okay,” I said, not seeing any reason he needed to

know.

I shut the bedroom door behind me and sat on the bed with

the photo in my hands, studying the damage. Then—pulse racing,

knowing Celeste was right across the hall—I rummaged through

my bag for a black Sharpie and began coloring in the chipped area

on the frame. At first, the color was too brownish, but after a few

layers it built up to black. If I looked closely, I could tell there was

a variation in the surface; once it was hanging I thought it would

be okay, especially if she didn’t know to be looking for it.

After I was finished, I couldn’t even entertain the idea of

doing the homework I had left from the weekend. I went straight

to bed. As I lay there in the dark, all I could think about was who

would have done that to Celeste. The door had been locked; they

would have had to climb through a window to get in. They would

165

have had to break in to our bedroom— my bedroom. Picturing it, I

couldn’t ignore the anger beginning to burn at the center of my

chest.

This wasn’t how Frost House was supposed to be. None of

it—the tension at the dinner, worrying about what was

happening here in the room. It was supposed to be a sanctuary.

I brought Cubby onto my chest, wishing again, like I had with

the vase, that she could tell me what she’d seen. If I didn’t know

what had happened, how could I know what to do to make it safe

again? I concentrated very hard on her eyes, trying to see the

answer.

It will never be safe while she’s here . Cubby’s voice was

inside my head, quiet.

“It’s not her fault,” I told myself.

Everything is her fault. She has to go.

I looked through the dark at Celeste’s side of the room: her

hat collection, her flamboyant wardrobe, the beetle photo . . .

and I wondered. One thing I knew was that she needed to be the

center of attention. Was it possible that she was doing this all

herself, so she would be the center of attention in the dorm? Was

that what I was trying to tell myself, by saying it was all her fault?

Maybe she’d ripped her own skirt, broken the vase, thrown her

own photograph. And just pretended to be the scared victim.

Well, if she had, then hanging the photo back up and

ignoring it was the best thing I could have done.

166

Chapter 16

THE NEXT MORNING, I pretended to be asleep when Viv

came to get me for breakfast. I absolutely shouldn’t have missed

bio—especially not an unexcused absence—but the only, only

place I wanted to be was in my room. It was going to be one of

those shockingly bright fall days, and the early sun shone in

through the trees, filling the whole space with warmth. I liked

knowing that if I was here, the room was safe. No one could come

in except those rays of sunlight.

I lay curled up on my side with my comforter piled on top of

me and tried to think about yesterday’s events without getting

worked up. I needed to talk to someone about what was going

on. But who? Not David, or Abby, or Dean Shepherd. Viv was a

possibility, but she hated keeping secrets, and I’d have to ask her

not to tell anyone. I was even considering my mother, when I had

another idea. Trying not to get my hopes up, I looked at the clock

and calculated. . . . Yes, it should be the perfect time. Without

another thought, I opened my laptop and checked to see if she

was online, then called.

I almost cried when Kate appeared on my screen, all the way

from Moscow, wearing her favorite Violent Femmes T-shirt and

playing with her ever-present wire mandala. Viv and Abby and I

had talked to her occasionally as a group, but it was hard because

of the time difference, and because she wasn’t online often.

167

“Leena Thomas,” she said with a smile. “You look like hell.”

The minute I started talking, it all rushed out in a waterfall of

words, everything that had happened with Celeste and Abby and

David from the beginning of the semester, so many things—I

realized now—that I’d been keeping to myself.

Kate listened and nodded and kept up a steady rhythm with

her hands, flipping the three-dimensional wire form into different

geometric shapes. I could tell she was thinking hard because of

how quickly her hands moved.

“It seems to me,” she said, “from thousands of miles away,

that you’re tangling a lot of things all together. I don’t actually

think there’s anything you need to be worrying about.”

“Really?” I said.

“The one thing you need to make a decision about is

whether to tell anyone about the photograph, right?”

The weight of all the worries I had made it seem much more

complicated than that, but I supposed that was the only actual

decision to be made. “Right,” I said.

“Okay, I’m trusting that you can really tell it hit the wall hard

enough to have been thrown. So, in that case, either . . . one.”

She stopped playing with the mandala and held up a finger.

“Someone snuck in the room and threw it to be mean to Celeste.

Or two—” Another finger. “Celeste threw it herself, for God

knows what reason. Right?”

168

“I guess.”

“You don’t sound sure,” she said. “Those are the only options

I see. Unless you think a ghost did it or something.” She smiled.

“Don’t go all Viv on me,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Okay,” Kate said. “So let’s say we know it’s option one.

Someone was mean to Celeste. The question is, should you tell

her? How would she react if you did?”

No mystery there. “Freak out. Accuse Abby. Get even more

paranoid.”

“So she’d get scared? Would anything constructive come

from it?”

I imagined Celeste reacting and didn’t see it leading

anywhere good. “No. I don’t think so.”

“Okay, so that solves that. You don’t tell Celeste.” Her hands

went back to their rhythmic motions.

“But maybe we should be reporting it, to the dean or

something?”

“It’s not like they’re going to fingerprint the frame and

windowsills to figure it out.” Kate paused for a moment, her thick,

black brows lowered. “You’re sure someone would have had to

come in through a window? It seems so . . . unlikely.”

169

“The door was definitely locked,” I said. “And only me,

Celeste, and David have keys.”

“David has a key?” she said, leaning forward. “You don’t

think he—”

“No!” I said immediately. “Not to mention, he was with me.”

A thought—David’s lateness to meet me at his dorm—flickered

through my mind. But I forced it out. There was absolutely no

way.

“Okay.” Kate sat back again. “So, about telling the dean or

whoever. I don’t think you should. They wouldn’t investigate; all

they’d do is ask Celeste who doesn’t like her. And we know the

answer to that.”

“Abby.”

“Right. Now—”

“Kate, you don’t think there’s any chance she’d have done

this stuff, do you?” I asked in a quieter voice. I knew the answer,

just needed to hear her say it.

“Abby?” She screwed up her face, annoyed. “ Please . I can’t

believe you’d even ask me that. Now, let’s take option two,

which, from all you told me, is much more likely.”

Option two: Celeste threw the photo herself.

Kate continued, “If that’s the case, you’ve actually done all

you can do. You already asked her what happened to the photo. If

170

she did it herself and pretended not to know about it, maybe she

was just embarrassed. In any case, there’s some reason she didn’t

want to tell you, so . . .” She shrugged. “What else can you do?”

I sat for a moment and processed what Kate had said.

Basically, she was saying that no matter what happened to the

photo, I should let it go.

“But . . . I feel like I should be doing something ,” I said. “Take

some sort of action. I don’t want to feel like there’s all this bad

stuff going on in my room and I’m just sitting here all la-di-da.”

Kate stared down at her mandala for a minute. “Well, you

can’t keep Celeste out. But you could lock the windows, too, I

guess. With the doors and the windows locked, if it’s someone

else, they won’t be able to get in.”

I nodded. Lock the windows. I could do that.

“You knew she’d be like this,” Kate added. “You told me right

from the beginning, it’s always something. So maybe you need to

just let her have her little dramas. You’re not your sister’s keeper.

Or David’s sister’s keeper. Sit tight and ignore it as much as

possible until I come flying home to you.”

“You have no idea how much I wish for that day,” I said.

We talked for a little while about other stuff, and then Kate

had to go. Before she logged off, she said, “Oh, and Leena? Would

you just jump David’s bones already?”

171

She was gone before I could respond.

On Mondays, I had a free period after Calculus and would

help carry Celeste’s books to Rel-Phil. That afternoon, as we

walked across the quad, the sky was blue and the air was knife-

pleat crisp. Barcroft looked like a picture in a prep-school

catalogue, students everywhere, lounging on the expansive lawn,

playing Frisbee, taking their time getting to their next classes.

I felt so much better after talking to Kate. She was so logical

and unflappable. I was going to take precautions—locking the

windows and doors—but otherwise, it was out of my hands. I still

felt angry that it was happening in my home, but at least I didn’t

feel the weight of solving everything.

“Good day for KSM,” Celeste said. Kill, Screw, or Marry.

Whenever we saw a group of three people—sitting together,

walking together, whatever—we each had to pick one to kill, one