Frost - Marianna Baer

threw on jeans and a hoodie, cursing myself the whole time.

When I went back in the bedroom, Celeste was piling clothes on

her bed. I watched her with my arms crossed. Couldn’t she have

done this yesterday?

“Is your bag still where I put it when I moved your stuff in?”

David asked, looking over at her from by the closet.

“I guess,” Celeste said.

“What are those?” David pointed at a couple of bruises on

her lower thighs. Celeste pulled her skirt down to cover them.

“Nothing,” she said.

“What are they?” he pressed.

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe from when things

got a little frisky with Whip. Okay? Like that answer?”

201

“He hurt you?” David said.

“Jesus! No. I bruise easy. Don’t you remember? From all our

games of tickle monster?”

“I never hurt you like that,” David said.

“I bruise easily, too,” I said, sensing that their conversation

was rapidly deteriorating. I rolled up my sleeve and pointed at a

blue-yellow blotch on my forearm. “This one, I don’t even know

what it’s from. Field hockey, maybe, but I don’t remember it

happening.”

Neither of them said anything else. Just stared at each other

as if I wasn’t even in the room.

The next time Celeste spoke was as I backed the car out of

the driveway.

“I am so fucking happy to be getting out of this place,” she

said.

The silence between Celeste and David lasted through

getting coffee at The Mean Bean, and past multiple exits on the

Mass Pike. Celeste may have been happy to leave Frost House,

but all I could think about was how much I’d rather be back there

alone than here in the car, trying to ignore the obvious tension.

Somewhere near Sturbridge, I heard a small snore from the

backseat. I felt as if I was being released from thumbscrews.

“Is she asleep?” I asked quietly.

202

David twisted around and watched her for a moment. “Yeah,

she is.”

“So,” I said once he was facing front again, “what’s with all

the weirdness?

Before answering, he turned up the volume of the music a

bit. “She used to cut. Before Barcroft, but I get nervous when I see

bruises. It’s stupid, I know.”

“Oh,” I said, understanding better now. I thought of her

burn, and how she’d asked me not to tell him. That must have

been why. She was worried he’d assume she’d done it on

purpose.

“How has she seemed to you?” he asked. “Aside from letting

that asshole abuse her.”

“I don’t think he’s abusing her,” I said gently. “I think she was

just trying to get to you. She’s seemed . . . okay. Really upset

about what happened to her nests, of course. Honestly, I don’t

see her that often. You should ask her how she’s doing.” That was

true. Ever since that event with the nests, she’d spent more and

more time in the little room, and out of the dorm entirely. I

wasn’t sure where or when she was sleeping.

David turned around again to look at Celeste, then rested a

hand lightly on the back of my neck, sending a jolt of electricity all

down my spine.

203

“I’ve been really looking forward to this weekend,” he said in

a low voice.

“Yeah. Me too. It’ll be fun.” I knew that my tone didn’t match

his. But since that disturbing episode in the closet, I’d gotten

more and more worried that maybe I was headed toward a big

mistake. How did I know whether to trust my gut, or my rational

mind?

“Is there anything special you want to do while we’re there?”

he said. Up and down, his fingers traveled the length of my neck.

He’s just like the others . I gripped the steering wheel tighter

as I passed a massive Jordan’s Furniture truck. “Left on Spit Brook,

right on Daniel Web-stah.”

“What?”

“Jaw-dens Funicha Weah-house. The radio ads? The guys

have those crazy accents?”

“Leena.”

“What?” My mouth felt dry.

“I just wanted to see if we’re, you know, both looking

forward to the same sort of weekend.”

I decided to switch lanes and flipped on the windshield

wipers instead of the turn signal. I fumbled with the controls

while saying, “I, um, I don’t really know. . . .”

204

He took his hand off my neck. “Sorry. I thought . . . I guess

I’ve been misunderstanding. I knew you didn’t want to get

involved this semester, but I thought . . . the way we’ve been

acting. Sorry. I guess I’m just stupid.”

A moment of silence went by. I heard Celeste breathing in

the backseat. Suddenly, something clicked. The reason I was so

convinced he wouldn’t be able to have a relationship, the reason I

was so scared. It was more than just worrying he’d be like the

other guys.

“Maybe you don’t have room to care about anyone else,” I

blurted out. “Maybe that’s why you haven’t wanted a real

girlfriend. You spend so much energy on Celeste and your

parents, which I love, I love that you’re so good to your family.

But maybe . . . maybe you don’t want anyone else. Maybe you’ll

realize that once you’re with me.”

I held my breath, waiting for his answer.

To my surprise, David started laughing.

“What?” I said. “What’s so funny?”

“That’s exactly what my shrink used to say. About expending

all my emotional energy taking care of my family. Not saving any

for friends or girlfriends.”

I smiled. “Really?” I said. “Wow. I’m good.” I glanced away

from the road for a minute and our eyes met.

205

He put a hand on my knee. “I don’t think you have to worry

about it, though,” he said. “I’m feeling pretty energized. Plenty of

energy. No problem there.”

My palms felt sticky on the wheel. “Really?” I said.

“Really. Also . . .”

“What?”

“Not that I wouldn’t, if you needed me, but you don’t seem

like you need anyone to take care of you. You’re pretty good at

doing it yourself.”

I didn’t say anything, but I loved that he thought that.

Sometimes I felt like it was the furthest thing from the truth.

“So . . .” I said.

“So?”

He was now stroking my leg with his thumb. A smile took

over my body. Oh, God—every single one of my cells was smiling.

I put a vision of Cubby’s disapproving eyes out of my mind.

“So maybe I could, I don’t know, suspend my moratorium,” I

said. “On a trial basis, of course.”

206

Chapter 20

“ WASN’T THE EXORCIST FILMED HERE-” Celeste said

when I pulled up in front of Viv’s family’s house in Brooklyn. It’s a

four-story limestone town house, right across the street from

Prospect Park, with a bowed front, Gothic carvings, and an

imposing archway over the double door.

I would have laughed, but I was too stressed about the fact

we were more than an hour and a half later than I’d originally said

we’d be. I’d called Viv a few times and had tried to get them to go

do something without us. But she’d insisted they were happy to

wait.

A blond girl about our age answered the doorbell. “Come in,

come in. They’re upstairs,” she said, hustling us into the marble

foyer and pointing at the staircase ahead. From her accent, I

figured she was the Swedish student who helped with housework

and cooking in exchange for a room. She looked at Celeste’s cast.

“Maybe you want the elevator?” she said. “Yah? Cool. You come

this way.”

David and I carried our bags up the three flights,

“accidentally” bumping into each other a number of times. We

found Viv, Abby, and Cameron sitting in the Parker-Whites’ less-

formal living room, watching one of the Spider-Man movies.

“Hey.” Viv unwound her limbs from Cameron’s and came

over to give me a hug. “Long drive, huh?”

207

“Sorry,” David said. “My fault. I suggested an alternate route

that turned out to suck.”

That wasn’t really why we were late, of course—it had been

my fault for oversleeping. He was taking the bullet for me,

probably because it had been so obvious in the car that I was

worried they were going to be mad. I had a sudden urge to hug

him. As if sensing this, he placed a hand on the small of my back.

“I wish you guys hadn’t waited for us,” I said.

“Viv’s idea,” Abby said, not looking away from the TV, even

though a commercial was on.

Celeste appeared in the doorway. David took his hand off me

to move a bag that was in her way.

“I hope you guys are hungry,” Viv said. “We stocked up at

the farmers’ market this morning. I got those dilly beans you love,

Leen, and good bread and cheese. A ton of stuff.”

“Actually,” I said, feeling a spike of guilt, “we kind of ate in

the car.”

“Oh, okay,” she said. I could hear her disappointment. “Well,

it’s a gorgeous day. What does everyone want to do? Abby, Cam,

turn off the TV, losers.”

It turned out that none of us had really thought about what

we wanted to do in New York, except Abby, and everything she

208

suggested involved tons of walking. I kept having to point out that

Celeste was on crutches.

“Okay,” she finally said to me, “how about we sit on our

asses and do nothing? Does that work for you?”

“No, I—”

“How about we split up?” David said. “You guys go do what

you want. Celeste and I will be more mellow.”

People exchanged looks. “Sounds good,” Abby said.

So now I had to pick whether to spend the day with David or

with my friends? This wasn’t part of the plan.

“You’re coming with us, Leena, right?” Abby said.

“Umm . . . I . . .”

Viv cut in. “Wait a minute. I’ve got an idea.”

Viv conferred with Miss Sweden for a minute, then the two

of them wrangled some sort of metal contraption out of the hall

closet. It turned out to be a collapsible wheelchair that belonged

to Viv’s grandfather.

Celeste stared at it. “You want me to ride around in that? In

Manhattan?”

“It might be kind of annoying,” Abby said. “The sidewalks are

so crowded.”

“Try it,” Viv said.

209

Celeste sat down and wheeled herself slowly forward. “It’s

hard to maneuver.”

“We’ll push you,” I said. “We’ll take turns.”

“Promise you won’t push me down any stairs?” she said.

“Promise,” I said.

“At least not on purpose,” Abby added. Then she looked

around at all of our horrified expressions. “Just kidding! Jeez.”

Who knew a wheelchair in New York could be so much fun?

We didn’t only take turns pushing, we took turns riding.

Much to their mothers’ annoyance, we used small children and

strollers in the Central Park Zoo as a moving-obstacle course. We

had time trials down the park’s corridor of massive elm trees.

At one point, David pushed Abby in a tight little circle until

she was laughing and screaming and begging him to stop. When

he did stop, she caught her breath and gathered her hair back in

its clip. Our eyes met and she smiled. The first real smile I’d