DIANE DUANE - A Wizard Alone

They re allThat , the little kid said, pointing with his chin into the darkness. He didn t move much; he stood with his hands hanging down by his sides, like he wasn t sure what to do with them, and his face was fairly immobile. The Thing out in the darkness,That s been chasing me forever.

Nita wasn t sure what to make of this.

I m not sure you re notThat , too, the kid said.

Nita raised her eyebrows. Either I m the One, or I mThat , she said, frankly amused at the possibility that she could be either, but I don t think you get to have it both ways.

The kid looked at her with an expression that wasn t entirely convinced. It s tried a lot of costumes inIts time, he said. It looks out of everybody s eyes. I tried looking back for so long but I couldn t do it anymore. I had to get away by myself. He looked away from Nita again. At least when I m all by myself,It can t get at me. Everybody wants me to come out, I know but every time I do,It s waiting, and I just can t. It hurts too much.

Nita said nothing. Finally, after what seemed ages of silence, he turned toward her. He didn t quite look at heras he said, It s looking out of your eyes, too. It s always been close to you. LatelyIt s been closer than ever.

Nita swallowed hard. This would not be the moment to break down. You re not the only oneIt chases around, you know, she said. It s after everybody else, too, one way or another. EventuallyIt gets us all. But if we pay attention to what we re doing, we can make a whole lot of trouble forIt along the way. And Nita couldn t helpgrinning a little, however strange that felt. If she had one satisfaction in her life these days, it was the knowledge that the Lone Power found her a personal pain in the butt, annoying enough to try to do one ofIts crooked deals with.

The kid looked up at Nita with startling suddenness, and she caught the force of his glance full-on as he grinned back. I know, he said.

Nita actually had to stagger back a step to keep her balance, mentally and physically. Meeting his gaze was like being hit over the head with a brick, but agood brick an abrupt, concentrated, overwhelming onslaught of cheerful power with a slight edge of mischief in it. Nita had hardly ever felt so intense a wash of emotion or attitude from any being, human or otherwise.

I know, he said again. I m doing just that. I do it all the time, now. If anything, his grin got more jubilant, though he looked away again. And it s awhole lot of fun.

Nita was on the point of saying,Don tstart enjoying it too much and then stopped herself as she saw his smile start to fade. The sight pierced her to the heart. But I always have to make sure I stop having the fun before It notices, he said. Every time I find out again that I m not alone, I let the knowledgego .

That explains it. That s why he keeps forgetting things, and has to ask questions over and over. But why Nita said.

Because it s what always happened when things got bad for me, the boy said, whenIt first turned up in my life, the way It turns up at the bottom of everything bad. I was fine, I always knew who I was until the world started screaming at me, making it impossible to think, to be with people tobe . I would forget myself, again and again. I couldn t help myself. I would forget everything that hurt and everything that didn t. But then that started to change. I started to remember again, for a while. AndIt was still in here with me.

His eyes glinted with brief amusement. Then I saw how to repay the little favor It did me. It can t stop coming back to deal with me and I never let It close the deal. He grinned. The only problem is that I keep getting better, keep sliding back toward the way things used to be when I was normal. And every time, to keepIt interested, I have to let go of a world that has other people in it

Don tlet it go! Nita said. Not being alone is the best part of being a wizard! She swallowed. Or just being a person.

Am I a wizard he said, a little sadly.

Nita shook her head in admiration. If you can speak in the EnactiveRecension , you re sure on the right track!

The growl out in the dark sounded more annoyednow, and it prolonged itself, not fading away. It s been following me around, he said. Around and around It s really funny.Especially when I forget.

I can t get off, Nita remembered the clown crying in the dark. Now she began to wonder whether the despairing voice wasall the boy s or some frustrated aspect of the Lone One s.

And her eyes widened.It s been chasing him and he runs and runs. All the time I ve been assuming that it s the Lone Power in control here. And maybe it s not !

He started to fade out. Wait! Don t leave yet! Nita cried.

I have to. It ll realize something different is happening if I stay here too long.

Then at least don t let yourself go again!

I have to, he said. If I don t,It ll realize what s happening, and all this will have been for nothing.

He smiled that delighted smile as he turned away. Then he was gone. Nita found herself standing alone in the darkness, and nearby a spotlight out of nowhere shone on the dark floor: just a pool of light. What briefly had made the light special was now gone.

Oh my god, Nita thought.

It really is him the kid Kit s been hunting. It s Darryl! And now I think I understand the Silence !she thought. Wizards got their information from the universe in a lot of different ways. On Earth alone, the manual in either its printed or online versions was only one method. Whale-wizards heard the Sea speak to them; the feline wizards had told Nita about something called the Whispering.This has to be like that ...

But she was still left with entirely too many mysteries to solve. Nita stood there wondering what in the worlds to do next, then shook her head.

Waking up would probably be a good idea.

It took Nita a few seconds to remember the way to break the dream without waiting for a normal awakening. When she opened her eyes, she was looking sideways at the wall beside her desk, having put her arms down on the desk and her head down on her arms as she initially slid into sleep.

Nita rubbed her eyes, blinked, stretched.I m completely wiped out , she thought.I ve got to get some real sleep, now, or I ll be useless tomorrow. But Kit s got to hear about this .

She glanced down at her manual. What time is it she said.

The page cleared and showed her the time in every zone on Earth, as a Julian date, and on all the planets in Sol system.

Show-off, she said softly, glancing at the local time forNew York . The readout said, 0223.

It was late, but this was important.Kit Nita said silently.

Nothing.But it wasn t the asleepkind of nothing: Kit was missing.

Message him, she said to the manual.

The page blanked itself,then showed Nita the words, Subject is out of ambit.

That error message she now recognized. Kit andPonch were off world-walking somewhere, out of this universe proper. Nita sighed.I ll have to catch him in the morning , she thought.But bed first

She slept hard and deep, and for a change woke up not in the dark, but just after dawn. Istill wish spring would hurryup, Nita thought as she swung her feet out of bed and rubbed her eyes.This winter seems to be lasting forever . But at the same time, it was hard to dislike a morning like this, when there was what looked like six inches of new snow outside, and it was Saturday as well. The snow was wet, clinging delicately to the bare branches of the trees out in the backyard, and everything was very still, the sky a pure, clean blue behind the white branches.Who knows Maybe I ll sneak out there, make a snowball or two, and stick them inDairine s bed. Give her about three seconds of thinking I ve had second thoughts about her, her bed, and Pluto .

Nita threw last night s sweatshirt and jeans on and went downstairs to the kitchen, manual in hand. Her father was there, making his own coffee for a change. He looked at Nita with some surprise when she came in. You re up early for a Saturday, he said.

Not that early. I got some sleep for a change.

You don t look like it.

Nita yawned and stretched. I don t feel like it, either, she said.

Just a long week at school, maybe

I don t know. She went over to put the kettle on for herself. She ached all over, as if she d had a particularly bad gym class, and she just felt generally weary.As if I was a long, long way away last night .

But if that really was Darryl, then I was only two towns away, in his mind.

Or possibly in an alternate universe he created, one a whole lot further away than that

How are you coming with what you were working on yesterday morning Nita s dad said. Any progress

Yeah, Nita said, but I don t understand it. She opened a cupboard and tried to decide what kind of tea she wanted. She finally decided on mint, and got the tea box down, fishing around in it for the right tea bag.

Youralien, or the progress

Both. And it looks like it wasn t even an alien, if I m right. It s a little kid who lives over inBaldwin .

Her father looked surprised at that as he went to get his coat from the rack by the door. Another wizard

Supposedly not yet, Nita said. Assuming this is the person who I think it is. I have to check with Kit. But that brought up another odd problem for Nita to consider. From her own experience, Nita knew that being on Ordeal imparted a certain tentative feel to your wizardry, even when your power levels were at their highest. EvenDairine s use of wizardry, when she was on Ordeal, had exhibited that tentative quality. But it was completely missing in Darryl.That s something else to ask torn and Carl about .

Her dad put on his coat. Well, that sounds encouraging, anyhow, he said. He came over, gave her a hug and a kiss. Leave me a note if you have to go anywhere. IsDairine going to be getting involved in this

Jeez, I hope not, Nita said. It s confusing enough already.

Okay, her dad said. She has some school project she s supposed to be working on this weekend. If you want to just have a look at one point or another and make sure she s staying on track

This was, in fact, thelast thing Nita wanted, but she nodded. I will.

Thanks, baby girl. See you later.

Nita wasn t sure, as her father went out, whether to bristle or smile.When s the last time he called me baby girl she thought. It was one of those nicknames that Nita had complained about forcefully for years when she was younger, until her dad finally stopped using it.And now I m not even sure I mind anymore , she thought. Iwonder if somehow he s trying to remind himself of how things were when Mom was still here .

After a moment she laughed at herself for thinking such shrinkly thoughts.Millmanis affecting me , Nita thought.

She made a face then, as the kettle came to a boil.Oh god Millmanand the card tricks. But how long can it take to learn a card trick I ll do it later. I have other things to think about right now .

Nita glanced at the digital clock on the stove. It read 7:48. A little early, but then Kit did tend to get up early on the weekends.Kit she said.

For a moment there was no response.

Hnnnhhh

I m not sure, but I think I may have found your guy.

A pause.When he answered, he still didn t sound incredibly awake.When

Last night. The time s hard to judge, but I think it would ve been around two-thirty.

There was a much longer pause that made Nita think Kit might have gone back to sleep. Finally he said,Itcouldn t have been . Iwas with Darryl around then .

Nita blinked at that.You sure she said.

Yeah, I m sure. He sounded cranky.Neets,look, I m completely wrecked, and I had trouble with my folks last night. I want to go back to sleep. Call me back, okay