Anne Fraser - Mistletoe, Midwife...Miracle Baby

‘So you’re renovating while you’re home on holiday, then?’ Ellen asked hopefully.

Sean looked puzzled.

‘No, I’m here permanently. Or as permanently as I stay anywhere. I plan to move into the old house as soon as it’s ready.’ He looked back at the pile of chopped wood in front of him. ‘Your grandmother needed some logs. I had some extras from my own delivery so I said I’d split some for her.’

Ellen shivered. It wasn’t just from the cold, although the ice on her trousers was beginning to melt, seeping through her clothes and freezing her skin. It was a shock, seeing him. Almost as much of a shock as falling on her backside.

‘Look,’ Sean said, ‘Maggie’s been like a cat on a hot tin roof all morning, waiting for you. If we don’t get you inside she’ll come looking for you. We can catch up once you’ve said hello and you’re out of these wet clothes.’

As usual he was right. In that respect he hadn’t changed. He was still the honorary older brother looking out for her. It was ridiculous to stay out in the cold and wet, particularly seeing as she’d recently been so ill. Not that he could or would know about that. Not ever.

He picked up her bag and, still holding on to her elbow, steered her towards the door.

A face appeared at the window and the next moment the door was swung open and her grandmother was standing there, gathering her up in her arms. Ellen inhaled the familiar sweetness of her gran’s perfume and wished she could stay closeted in her soft, warm and safe embrace for ever.

‘Ellen, child. You’re soaked!’ her grandmother said. ‘Come away in to the fire and get warmed up. You too, Sean. I’ll never know how you youngsters put up with being outside with hardly anything on. Don’t you know you can catch your deaths? And you, Ellen, you should be taking more care. Especially after being ill.’

Her words made Ellen wince, but she forced a smile to her lips. It was wonderful to see Gran again. Even if her fussing made her want to break down and spill out the horror of these past couple of weeks. But she forced her emotions back down. She’d promised herself that she wouldn’t burden Gran and she would keep that promise, however tempting the need to share her secret.

‘Ill?’ Sean frowned at her. ‘With what, Ellen?’

Slipping off her jacket and scarf, Ellen took her time shaking them out and hanging them up on the coat hooks by the door. The last thing she needed right now was their concerned looks. Or Sean ever finding out about her illness. She didn’t want people’s pity or their well-meaning concern—how would she be able to carry on as normal then? But she’d have to be very careful around Sean—she knew from past experience those penetrating blue eyes of his missed very little.

She shrugged. ‘Nothing really—a chest infection, that’s all. I’m fine now.’

‘I’ll leave you two to catch up, then,’ Sean replied. ‘I want to get these logs finished before it gets dark.’

‘Yes, thank you. Please don’t let us keep you back,’ Ellen said quickly. She wanted time to recover after seeing him. Time to transform herself back into the cool, calm and collected woman she wanted to be. At the very least, she still had her pride.

‘Come in for a cup of tea before you go back to the gatehouse,’ Maggie said, with a frown at Ellen.

Sean sniffed the air and grinned. ‘Is that scones I can smell? In that case, I’ll be back as soon as I’ve finished the last pile of logs. It shouldn’t take me long.’

As the door closed behind him, Maggie ushered Ellen into the kitchen and the well-worn chair in front of the stove. Sean had guessed correctly and there was a tray of scones cooling on the rack on the kitchen table. The large farmhouse kitchen with the solid-fuel range was the same one that had always been there. The scrubbed pine table was the same one Ellen had sat at to have her meals during the long summer holidays. The over-stuffed sofa that she had bounced on as a child was there too, though showing signs of age, and this woman was the same one who had bandaged her knees and wiped away her tears whenever she had hurt herself. If only what had happened to her this time could be so easily sorted. Ellen felt the never-far-away tears prick behind her lids. Being here, in this house, with the only woman, apart from Sean’s mother, who had ever shown her real affection was almost too much.

Ellen took a deep breath, suddenly thankful that Sean was just outside. Otherwise she had no doubt that in her tired and overwrought condition she would have given in and told her grandmother everything.

‘So remind me, Ellen,’ her grandmother was saying as she poured a cup of strong tea for her granddaughter, ‘where is your mother now?’

Ellen wrapped icy hands around her mug. ‘In the US. Lecturing. Before that she was in Australia for four months. I’m not sure when she’ll be back. You know how she is.’

Maggie tutted disapprovingly. ‘Leaving you on your own for Christmas! Again. I wish you had come to me. Maybe you wouldn’t have got sick. You young women just don’t look after yourselves properly.’

Nothing would have stopped her getting sick. It hadn’t been that kind of illness.

‘I didn’t mind,’ Ellen protested. ‘I was working over Christmas. It’s kind of wonderful being around to deliver babies at that time.’

It had been wonderful. There was something extra-special and magical about Christmas babies. Everyone looked forward to the first baby to be born on Christmas Day. Ellen smiled. Four babies had made their entrance on her shift. Four perfect babies, four delighted sets of parents. A stab of pain lanced through her. Last Christmas she had been sure that babies were part of her future. And then two short weeks ago that dream had come crashing down. When the consultant had given her the diagnosis, he’d told her that there was a serious risk should she fall pregnant.

‘I have to tell you, Ellen, that a pregnancy could kill you,’ he’d warned. ‘The extra demands on your heart and circulatory system will make the condition much worse. I have to recommend that you think about being sterilised. The Pill is contraindicated in women with your condition, so it’s the only sure way of preventing a pregnancy.’

The words on top of her diagnosis had crushed her. All her life she’d longed for a family. A real family where there was love and approval and laughter. Could she bear to work as a midwife again, knowing that she would never hold her own baby in her arms? She didn’t know. All she could think of at the moment was the need to be with her grandmother. Like a wounded animal, she’d come looking to find shelter and comfort while she found a way to deal with the terror that filled her life.

Ellen forced herself back to the present. ‘Mum will never change, Gran. We both know that.’

‘Aye, but I can’t help hoping that one day she’ll realise what a wonderful daughter she has in you and how much she’s missing out on.’ Maggie sighed and touched Ellen on the shoulder. ‘Maybe I’m hoping for a miracle.’

Ellen took Maggie’s hand and squeezed it. ‘It’s okay, Gran. I accepted Mum’s career would always come first a long time ago. But she’s still my mother and I love her, whatever her faults. And anyway, I’ve got you. You’ve always been around for me.’

The two women shared a smile.

Ellen changed the subject. ‘But tell me about you. How’s the hip?’ Her grandmother’s joints had been giving her trouble, but so far she had refused point blank to go to the doctor. She had told Ellen that a few aches and pains were only to be expected, given her age.

Maggie dismissed her question with a shake of her head. ‘With Sean here to do the heavy stuff, I manage fine.’

Ellen suppressed a smile. Good old Gran. Never one to complain. Being with her was exactly what she needed right now.

‘When did he come back? Why didn’t you tell me he was here? All you said was that he was renovating his family home. You might have told me he was living in the gatehouse, and planning to stay.’

Maggie buttered a scone and placed it in front of Ellen. ‘And if I’d told you, would you have come?’

The soft words stopped Ellen in mid-bite.

‘What do you mean?’ Ellen concentrated on her tea, avoiding her grandmother’s searching look.

‘Because over the last eight years, if I mentioned Sean was here on holiday, you’d suddenly change your mind about coming to stay. You may have thought you were subtle about it but, well, you weren’t. I know how you felt about him when you were younger, Ellen. You were never very good at hiding your feelings. At least not from me.’

Ellen’s cheeks were burning. Had her feelings really been so obvious?

‘I did have a crush on him but that was a long time ago,’ Ellen retorted. ‘I’m a different person now and so, I imagine, is he.’

‘Well, that’s a shame. I think you two would make a lovely couple. That man needs someone to settle him down.’

‘He must have a girlfriend, surely?’ Ellen tried to ignore the surge of pleasure she felt at the realisation that Sean wasn’t married.

‘Oh, he’s had women. Plenty of them as far as I can tell. But none that seem to last.’

Gran looked at Ellen, a small smile playing on her lips. ‘And your crush on Sean has nothing to do with the fact you’ve never had a serious relationship?’

‘I’ve never had a serious relationship, Gran, because I’ve not met the right person yet. Besides, my work keeps me busy. I have friends, my hobbies, a whole life that I love …’ She tailed off as it hit her again that she didn’t know for how much longer she would have any of it. Whether Sean was in a relationship or not was immaterial, she wasn’t exactly in the market for a long-term relationship. A lump was forming in her throat and she swallowed hard. ‘So how long has Sean been here?’

‘For someone who’s not very interested, you sure ask a lot of questions!’ Maggie said with a smile of satisfaction. ‘Sean came back a few months ago. Took a post at the Royal Highland in the city. Said he wants to make his home here so he can be close to his beloved mountains. He’s the doctor with the Mountain Rescue Team, you know.’ Maggie sounded as proud as she would have been had Sean been her grandchild too.

Ellen hadn’t known that Sean was working here. Although she had thought about Sean a lot since that summer eight years ago when he had kissed her, she’d never expected to see him again. In fact, as her Gran had guessed, she’d done her best to avoid him. It all seemed so silly now.

Just then the door opened with a gust of wind and Sean strode in to the kitchen. He indicated to Maggie to stay sitting and walked over to the range and helped himself to a cup of tea before grabbing a scone from the table and wolfing it down in two bites. He was clearly at home here.

‘I’ve stacked the logs under cover and brought in a couple of baskets. Just give me a shout when you need more, Maggie.’

He eased his tall frame into a chair by the stove and eyed Ellen thoughtfully. ‘I hear you’re working as a midwife in London,’ he said.

‘I was. I mean I am. I’m taking a bit of a break for a few months.’

Sean frowned at her. ‘A break? For a few months? Why?’

It was a perfectly reasonable question. Just one she didn’t want to answer.

‘Personal reasons,’ she said tightly. She didn’t owe this man any explanations.

Getting to her feet, she forced a smile. ‘If you don’t mind, Gran, I think I’ll go upstairs and unpack. I’ll bring in the rest of my bags later. I didn’t want to risk not being able to get the car back out of the drive.’