Stella Bagwell - Just For Christmas

Drake glanced over his shoulder at her. “What do you think about Stevie?”

His question surprised Hope. She didn’t think her opinion mattered much to him anymore. Especially her opinion of a child.

“I—to be honest with you, I’ve never been around a child quite like him. He’s so serious. He hasn’t once smiled since we picked him up at the airport.”

“I don’t expect smiling comes easy for the boy,” Drake said. Looking at Stevie was like seeing himself thirty years ago, and it was more than a little unsettling. He hadn’t expected to feel much toward the child. After all, he could count on one hand the times he’d seen him since he was born. Stevie was Denise’s offspring. Not his own. And yet it troubled him to think the boy was being raised in the same isolated way he had.

“Do you think he’s been ill?” Hope asked.

Drake’s brow puckered into a frown. “I don’t know. Why? Do you think he’s sick?”

Hope shook her head as she placed a saucepan on the gas range. “No. But I wonder if he has been ill in the past. He’s so pale and thin. He looks as though he rarely eats.”

Drake grimaced. “I doubt anyone is ever around to see that the child eats properly.”

“Aren’t there people at the boarding school to see to things like that?” Hope asked. “I mean, children have other needs besides academics.”

He walked across the room and leaned against the cabinet counter a few small steps away from her. “Now you can see what it does to children when adults can’t be parents. Denise is a poor excuse for a parent. And I’m her brother. Hell, I must have been crazy to ever think I could be different from her—from our own parents. Maybe that’s why—”

She glanced at him sharply. His face was tight, his eyes dark with shadows. “Why what?” she prompted.

Jamming his fists into his trouser pockets, he looked away from her. “Maybe that’s why…you had the miscarriage. Fate was trying to tell me I wasn’t emotionally set up for the job.”

So Abby had been right on one score, Hope thought. Having Stevie in the house was reminding Drake of their lost child. But there would always be reminders. She couldn’t shield him from them any more than she could protect herself from all those painful memories.

Pulling a jug of milk from the refrigerator, she poured a hefty amount into the saucepan. “That’s what you want to think.” She spoke quietly as she worked. “It makes it easier for you to justify your decision not to try for another child.”

Drake didn’t want to argue with her. Far from it. This was the first time in weeks he could remember them being together like this, and it brought back all the things about their marriage that he’d held dear. She had always gone out of her way to do little things for him. Like cooking his favorite meals, wearing a dress he especially liked on her, playing the music he enjoyed and making sure the remote to the TV was where it should be. And the hell of it was, he’d never taken her devotion to him for granted. In his own way, he’d tried to do equally for her.

But once Drake had refused to try to have another baby, everything good and special between them had dwindled. Until finally they had become two people married in name only.

His gaze was faintly accusing when he turned it to her. “You’ve always wanted to ignore my family and pretend that part of my life doesn’t matter.”

Hope had heard this argument from him before, but for some reason this morning, it grated on her more than ever. “What is that supposed to mean? I’ve never ignored your family. Remember I’m the one who offered to help your sister out by keeping Stevie.”

“I’m not talking about that sort of ignoring. I’m talking about the fact that Denise and I aren’t cut out to be parents. We never had any ourselves! But you want to think I can just skip over all that and become father of the year without any sort of background training.”

A weary sigh slipped past her lips. “You’re hardly an ignorant man, Drake. No one is born knowing how to be a parent. Everyone has to learn.”

Groaning, he lifted his face toward the ceiling. “That’s true. But you have to have someone to learn from. And I’ve decided it’s just not in me, Hope. A person has to be special inside to be a parent. It’s pretty obvious that Denise sure as hell doesn’t have what it takes. And I’m not about to risk a child’s happiness by trying to find out whether I do!”

That he would choose this morning to cut into her, when she needed him more than ever, caused something inside Hope to snap.

With slow deliberation, she turned away from the heating milk to face him. “All right, Drake,” she said, careful to keep her voice low. “You win. You’re not ever going to be a father. You don’t want to try to have a child with me. I read you loud and clear and I accept your decision. So you don’t have to keep pointing that out. While you’re here this month, I won’t bring up the subject to you anymore. And I hope you’ll have the decency to do the same.”

The fierce resolution in her voice stunned Drake. Since he’d moved out of the house, he’d almost resigned himself to the fact that he was losing her. But to hear her speak the words sent a chill right through to his bones.

“And what about after this month is over and Stevie is gone?” he asked stiffly.

Hope couldn’t let him know there were tears clawing at the back of her eyes. She was through letting him see just how much pain he was causing. She was finished with the arguing and cajoling.

“I’m going to move on with my life, Drake. With or without you.”

“HOPE! IS THAT YOU?”

Hope turned to find a young woman with short, curly red-blond hair and a wide smile standing directly behind her in the checkout aisle. Katie Topper was a pediatric nurse at Maitland Maternity and one of Hope’s best friends. Since Katie had been staying in Houston while taking a medical course, she hadn’t had an opportunity to talk to the other woman except for a few brief phone conversations. Katie was going to be shocked when Hope gave her the news that Drake had moved home.

“Katie! How wonderful to see you! Are you home early for the weekend?”

Grinning happily, Katie pointed at her jeans and T-shirt. “I got lucky and finished classes yesterday. I’m on my way to the farm to see Papa. I just stopped in here to pick up a pair of new work shoes.”

“How are things going in Houston? Are you about to wrap things up? We’ve really been missing you around here.”

“I’ll be finished by the end of the month. What about you? How are things going?”

Suddenly remembering Stevie, Hope glanced down to check that he was still standing close by her side.

Katie followed her line of vision and spotted the boy standing quietly next to Hope. Tilting her head in Stevie’s direction, Katie asked, “Who’s your little friend?”

Hope’s hand instinctively came to rest on Stevie’s small shoulder. “This is my nephew, Stevie. We picked him up at the airport this morning. Tess is kindly handling things in the gift shop for me today.” Then, noticing the man in front of her was finished at the checkout counter, she pushed forward. As she began to place the items from her cart in front of the cashier, she glanced at Katie. “Stevie’s going to be staying all through Christmas. His parents have gone to Europe.”

Katie was clearly surprised by Hope’s news, but didn’t say anything. Instead she quickly glanced at her wristwatch. “How about stopping by the diner for a cup of coffee? I have a few minutes before I head out of town and I’d love to catch up on the news around here.”

Hope darted another glance at Stevie. So far the boy hadn’t given her any sort of trouble. In fact, he was so quiet it worried her. Most children loved to chatter about anything and everything. But Stevie didn’t seem to be interested in making conversation or taking notice of anything around him. He had chosen a few pieces of clothing for himself, but only because Hope had practically forced him to. Maybe having him in a casual social setting like the diner would be good for him.

“I’d love to. We’ll meet you there,” Hope told her.

A few minutes later Hope parked outside the Austin Eats Diner. By the time they were out of the car, Katie had joined them.

“Now do I get to meet this new guy in your life?” she asked Hope, while slanting Stevie a teasing smile.

Stevie sidled closer to Hope’s leg as he warily eyed the stranger with bouncy red hair, cowboy boots and jeans.

“This is Stevie,” Hope said to Katie. “His mother is Drake’s sister, Denise.”

Katie’s brows flew up with speculation, but instead of expressing any questions, she gave the stern-faced child an impish grin.

“Hello, Stevie. My name is Katie.”

Stevie’s dark eyes took their time assessing Katie’s face. Then finally, as though he’d decided she was an ally rather than a foe, he politely extended his hand to her.

“How do you do?”

Katie was quick to shake his hand, but Hope could see the other woman was a little taken aback by the formal greeting. And Hope could understand why. Katie had grown up with her father and two brothers in a loving but rowdy household where kids sometimes forgot their manners unless an adult was around to remind them.

“It’s nice to meet you, Stevie,” Katie told him, then glanced at Hope. “Ready to go in?”

Hope nodded and gently nudged Stevie’s shoulder toward the entrance of the diner.

Inside the busy restaurant place, Katie suggested, “Let’s sit at the counter. I’ll bet Stevie would rather sit on a stool.”

The child didn’t voice his preference one way or the other. Under her breath, Hope said to Katie, “I doubt he’s ever been in a place like this.”

Katie glanced around at the odd mixture of people sitting in the booths and at the long curved counter. Along with the Maitland Maternity staff who frequented the diner, there were usually a few cowboys, truck drivers, businessmen and manual laborers who drifted in and out during the day. To an isolated child like Stevie, Hope thought, it must seem like a wild, noisy place.

“Why?” Katie asked, her features wrinkling with bewilderment. “What’s the matter with the diner? The food is good and so is the company.”

Hope chuckled softly. “It is to you and me. Stevie’s parents would have other ideas. People of their money and social standing don’t frequent diners. You understand.”

Katie’s lips formed a perfect O. “Only too well.”

Like Hope, Katie had not come from a wealthy background. At twenty-nine, the nurse was still single, but Hope considered her friend blessed to have a loving father and brothers living close by. It was far more than she had. Especially now that Drake was more like a stranger than a husband.

Hope helped Stevie onto a stool between her and Katie. He seemed shocked that the seats would turn, but he didn’t test them out the way most kids his age would enjoy doing. Instead, he sat rigid and still, his hands folded primly in his lap.

Sara came to take their orders. The two women quickly opted for coffee. Stevie didn’t seem to realize he could order anything he wanted on the menu until Hope assured him he could. Eventually he chose orange juice, and as they waited for the pretty blond waitress to return with the drinks, Katie said to him, “I have some friends who have kids just about your age. Maybe you’d like to get together with them while you’re here and play soccer or something.”