Array Коллектив авторов - Самые лучшие английские анекдоты / The Best English Jokes

The jeweller said,

– If you take my advice, sir, you will just have «From George».

A man was filling an application for a job at a local employment agency. When he came to the question,

«How long married?» he hesitated, and then put down, [32] put down – написал «24 hours a day.»

Tom wished his wife were more attractive, but she wasn’t. To tell the truth, he was no oil-painting, [33] oil-painting – картина маслом either. After the ceremony, Tom asked the minister how much the cost was.

«Just give me what you think it is worth to have this lady for your wife,» replied the minister.

Tom looked at his wife, and handed the minister £50. The minister looked at Tom’s wife and gave him £42 change.

A man went to the Police Station. [34] Police Station – полицейский участок He wanted to speak with the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

«You’ll get your chance in court,» said the sergeant.

«No, no, no!» said the man. «I want to know how he got into the house and did not wake my wife!»

Tom won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together and asked them:

– Who will have the present? Who is the most obedient? Who never talks back [35] to talk back – дерзить to mother? Who does everything she says?

Five small voices answered in unison:

– Okay, dad, you get the toy.

A woman entered a fruit store and said to the clerk, «I want to purchase some fruit for my sick husband.

«We have some very nice sweet cherries on sale for a pound a box,» said the clerk.

She looked them over [36] she looked them over – она их осмотрела and decided to take a box. Then she added, «Are they sprayed with poison?»

The clerk replied,

«No, ma’am. [37] No, ma’am. – Нет, мэм. You can purchase that at the drug-store.»

– George, darling, what is it about me [38] what is it about me – что во мне you find so attractive? Is it my personality?

– No.

– Is it my figure?

– No.

– Is it my charisma?

– No.

– I give in. [39] I give in. – Я сдаюсь.

– That’s it! [40] That’s it! – Вот именно это!

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Ouch!– Ай!

have to teach– должны научить

Bermuda triangle– Бермудский треугольник

and tried them on– и примерил их

They need shortening.– Их нужно укоротить.

cut a piece off– отрезала по куску

Warwick Castle– Уорикский замок ( средневековый замок в центральной Англии )

Charles I –Карл I ( король Англии, Шотландии и Ирландии в XVII в. )

hurried away– поспешил прочь

Wife wanted– Ищу жену

go shopping– ходят за покупками

find out– понять

principal– директор школы

it takes– требуется

get away– отправляйтесь

one cigar a day– одну сигару в день

take my advice– следуют моим советам

Mark Twain– Марк Твен

that depends– это зависит от обстоятельств

a razor strop– ремень для правки бритвы

wabbly table– шатающийся стол

to nail over a broken pane of glass– заделать дыру в оконном стекле

bewhiskered– бородатый

to reach a strap– дотянуться до ремня

Are you getting off?– Вы выходите?

that seemed to come– который, казалось, доносился

Doberman Pinscher– доберман-пинчер ( порода собаки )

Chihuahua– чихуахуа ( порода собаки )

puts on– надевает

seeing-eye dog– собака-поводырь

From George to Dora– От Джорджа – Доре

put down– написал

oil-painting– картина маслом

Police Station– полицейский участок

to talk back– дерзить

she looked them over– она их осмотрела

No, ma’am.– Нет, мэм.

what is it about me– что во мне

I give in.– Я сдаюсь.

That’s it!– Вот именно это!