Александр Молчанов - Пьесы

Она. Я понимаю вас.

Он. Какой второй вопрос?

Она. Да неважно.

Он. Нет, спрашивайте, я же обещал вам, что отвечу.

Она. Это правда, что вы каждое утро собираетесь на площади и поклоняетесь портрету Стива Джобса?

Он. Правда.

Она. Но почему? Это ведь глупо!

Он. Я думаю так. Есть некий другой мир. Я не знаю, рай, небеса, может быть, мир идей. До нашего рождения мы все находились в этом мире. И слышали там какие-то звуки, слова, видели какие-то картинки, образы или цвета. И потом всю жизнь мы гоняемся за чем-то, бежим куда-то, не понимая, что на самом деле мы ищем, мы мучительно пытаемся вспомнить именно то, что мы слышали или видели там и тогда — до нашего рождения. Мне кажется, Джобс единственный из всех людей точно запомнил все, что он видел ТАМ. Он перебрал две тысячи оттенков белого цвета для корпуса «Айфона», потому что искал тот самый цвет, который он видел ТАМ. Не просто белый, а нечто среднее между белым и бежевым. Причем ближе к белому, чем к бежевому. И это был тот самый, тот самый цвет — цвет белой глиняной коровы из моего детства. (пауза) Джобс не просто помнил этот идеал, он продолжал слышать звуки и видеть образы идеального мира. (пауза) Древние греки считали, что гений — это не человек, а некий дух, который диктует человеку оттуда. «Махабхарата»… Джоконда… Девятая симфония… Нагорная проповедь… айфон… кто бы ни был тот гений, который диктовал Бетховену, Иисусу Христу и Стиву Джобсу, кто бы он ни был, он не может лгать.

Пауза. Она отдает ему честь.

Она. Поздравляю вас, лейтенант. Вы можете отправляться в свой законный трехдневный отпуск.

Он отдает ей честь.

Он. Благодарю вас, майор.

Она. Увидимся через три дня. На поле боя. Я найду вас.

Он. Буду рад видеть вас снова, мэм.

Он уходит. Она поворачивается к зрителям.

Она. Всем спасибо, наши учения закончены. Кругом! Разойдись!

Она уходит.

3

Broken language (love)

My favorite caracters:

He

She

She. Do you Speak English?

He. Yes, I do. Actually I know just a lot of words. Not a lot, I am sorry, little bit of words. My English is broken. But I am very good speak on broken English. I have a perfect broken English, may be best in the world broken English. So, can I helps you?

She. I think I am lost.

He. O! I will help you! I am here almost tree days already, so I know this town wide and lenth. Were you from?

She. I am from Manisa.

He. This is Manisa! Around us!

She. This is not Manisa! This is Munster!

He. O, really. Its similar.

She. No it is not similar. Manisa, it is at Turkish.

He. Just stupid joke. What is name your hotel?

She. Centhal Munster hotel.

He. I now were it is! Come with me. I will take you… no… I will proposal you. No. R-R-R-R! (roar!)

Pausa. He looks at her.

He. It didn’t helps me find the word.

She. Do it again.

He. R-R-R-R! (roar) Prowide you, may be? I will prowide you to your hotel. I invent go with you.

She. Invent?

He. Ivent.

She. Ivent?

He. Intent! I intent go with you!

She. It is not nesessary. Just show me the right direction.

He. No, I will go with you. It is dark. Wind. Scared shadow. Suspishion sounds. We are arounds criminals. And inwaiders. And zombys may be.

She. I don’t beleve in zombys. Munster is calm small town.

He. So why evere 20 minute I ear sound of the police car? I-u, I-u, I-u?

She. May be it is every time was the same police car?

He. O, it is serjant Muller is driving to the bakery! He is always driwe this way, newer mind.

She. You are fanny. Where you from?

He. I am from Russia. Vodka and balalaika is what another names of my country.

She. You are not so funny now.

He. I am trying.

She. Why? Just show me my hotel!

He. We are going to you hotel. It is nere. This town really small. Lake and curch. And complete town between Lake and curch. Your hotel is nere the church. Do you saw church?

She. Yes.

He. Do you saw cages under the churches roof?

She. Cages?

He. Cages. Sells. (crossing fingers) Hanging cages.

She. No I didnt sea it.

He. This cages for unabuptisest. They was execute at this cages.

She. You know so much about this sity.

He. God bless wikipedia! Do you know that Munster is best raining town at Germany?

She. Best raining? Whan is it mean?

He. Most raining.

She. It is not raining.

He. You just luky. They say «at Munster always raining or ring bell. If at Munster ring bell and raining, so it is Sanday.

She. Is it church you talk me about?

He. Yes. Do you see it? Three hanging cages under the roof. They hangs this poor unabaptises here. And they sitting in cage above sun and rain before they die and they became to sceletons.

She. Why they not get away this cages.

He. May be waiting for another unabaptizes.

She. It is not funny.

He. You rigth. I am sorry. Here is your Hotel.

She. This is not my hotel.

He. Really? You sad Munster hotel. This is Munster Hotel

She. This is «Muvenpik hotel».

He. O. It is. It is not my fault. It is you with your dead anabaptizes comfused me.

She. Am I? Are you kiddin? I am leaving.

He. Wait! I khow where is your hotel. I have help you. I am sorry. My behavour was really stupid. It is just my broken English. I fill my awkwardness, and I traing to be funny.

She. Please, don’t try so hard any more! Just consentrate and say me: where is my hotel?

He. There! Not. There. There, may be.

She. You have no idea where is my hotel?

He. A-A-A. Yes.

She. Okey. Where is your hotel? We can go there and call the cab.

He. I don’t know where is it.

She. What we will do now?

He. Just walking, I suppose. Sunrise is come in.

She. Okey. Go.

Pause.

He. I think…

She. Please, stop talking. I am tired from your funny jokes.

He. It is not joke. Its…

She. Shut up!

He. Okey. Jupiter, you hangry… o, you angry, so you not right.

She. Sut the fuck up!

Pause.

She. Okey. What do you want tell me. I hope it will be important information.

He. I don’t know, important it is or not, but I think… What if this night is just my dream.

She. What?

He. Don’t interrupt me, please. What if now I am sleeping at my bed at Moscow and see you, my imagery love.

She. I am not your imagery love, you, idiot!

He. Prove this.

She. What?

He. If you is not my dream, prove this.

She. How?

He. Kiss me. If you is my dream, I will wake up. Is always happened when I see my imagery love.

She. Okey. But if you will not wake up, You kill youself.

He. Kleopatras condition. I agry, my qween.

She. No. I will not kissing you. It was joke. I traing to be funny, like you.

He. How disappointed.

She. I am not sorry.

He. Do you see it?

She. What is this? You find my hotel?

He. Not! It is cemetery! Graveyard.

She. I know, what is mean cemetery. So what!

He. You are not understand. At this cemetery burned Mundog.

She. You sad, Dog? Is this a cemetery for animals?

He. No! Mundog! Is the greate musishion, they called them «Viking from sixth Awenu».

She. Why he did burned here?

He. It is long story, but we are not harry?

She. Forget about, wikienziklopedist. Hey! Where you going?

He. At cemetery. I have to find Mundogs grave.

She. No. Don’t live me here.

He. I ll be back soon. Or you can go with me. Foto me nere the his grave.

She. No. You stupid Russian. Stay with me.

He. What do you say?

She. Stay with me.

He. Not, before it. You sad, «Stupid Russian».

She. I sad it becose you…

He. May be you think all Russian is stupid?

She. No.

He. Are you hate Russian?

She. What? No!

He. May be you nazi?

She. I am not!

He. So why you called me stupid Russian?

She. I am just…

She grabs her head and kiss her. Kiss — 20—30 second.

He. And I was not wake up. It is not dream.

She. Please don’t live me along.

He. Now I will go with you everywere.

She. Just at hotel, please. Do you know where we are?

He. Yes. We are at the park. At the rubbits field. There is the lake. And there is you hotel. 5 minute walk around lake.

She. Do you knew it all time?

He. Yes.

She. Stupid russan. Do you now what is you promlem?

He. I have no problem.

She. All you have this problem.

Pausa. He thinks.

He. President Putin?

She. No.

He. Our broken English?

She. No. I am talking not about your fucking Russia. A am talking about differens between man and women.

He. So what is the differens?

She. When I saw you and you smiled me, I thougth — he will helps me. When you saw me and I smiled you, you thought — I will have sex with her. This is the differens. We are used different langvich. And broken English don’t help us. Think about it, stupid Russian.

She kiss her at chek.

She. It was a dream. Now you wake up.

She is leaving.

He (offensiv). It was not a dream.

Pause.

He. I suppose I will not have a sex with her today.

Pause.

He. May be tomorrow?

He is leaving.

He. (behind the stage) Fucking rubbits, stop scaring me!

End

Действующие лица

Антон

Тихонов

Елена

Паша

Сторожиха

Директор

Алена, жена директора

Вася

Женщина из налоговой

Жулик

1 действие

(1 картина)

Деревенский дом. Входит Антон. В руках у него лыжи. Тихонов сидит у окна и смотрит на Антона. Антон ставит лыжи у стены.

АНТОН. Здравствуйте.

(Тихонов молчит)

АНТОН. Здравствуйте. Я через речку пришел на лыжах.

(Тихонов молчит)

АНТОН. (Громко, подходя все ближе к Тихонову. Под конец почти кричит ему в ухо) Я из Волоковца приехал. Студент. Зовут меня Антон. Филолог. Собираю разные слова. Сейчас зима, в экспедиции никто не ездит. Холодно. Но у нас в институте каникулы, вот я и решил немного попрактиковаться. Думаю, наберу материала для курсовой, а то, глядишь, и на диплом… я говорю, на диплом потянет. Я на третьем курсе учусь. Я вам водку привез.