Nikolay Lakutin - A play for 3 people. EAR and body history. Drama. Comedy

Attention! ALL COPYRIGHTS TO THE PLAY ARE PROTECTED BY THE LAWS OF RUSSIA, INTERNATIONAL LEGISLATION, AND BELONG TO THE AUTHOR. ITS PUBLICATION AND REPUBLICATION, REPRODUCTION, PUBLIC PERFORMANCE, TRANSLATION INTO FOREIGN LANGUAGES, MAKING CHANGES TO THE TEXT OF THE PLAY WHEN STAGED WITHOUT THE WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR IS PROHIBITED. THE PRODUCTION OF THE PLAY IS POSSIBLE ONLY AFTER THE CONCLUSION OF A DIRECT CONTRACT BETWEEN THE AUTHOR AND THE THEATER.

* * *

Comedy. Duration 1 hour 15 minutes.

ACTORS

Ada is a girl with prominent protruding ears.

Mom is Ada's parent.

Kostya is an atypical cavalier.

House. Cozy atmosphere. There are no signs of a full-fledged family life of a couple with children. There are no men here. A mother lives in the house with an adult daughter. Everything is neat, modest, clean.

A girl's crying is heard, and it intensifies. Ada enters the house. She is in the most upset feelings. The face is wet with tears, the carcass has flowed, the glasses are kept on the bridge of the nose. Her hair is tidied up so that her already not small snakes stand out even more. Ada falls on the sofa in hysterics. Roars even more violently.

Mom runs into the room at the cry.

Mom (worried). What? Adochka, what happened? What happened? Why are you crying? Well, tell me, well?

Ada turns to her mother, silently looks at her, barely restrains hysteria, burying herself in the sofa again hysterics.

Mom (more calmly). Did you… what, did you go on a date again?

Ada (screaming into the sofa, loudly and hysterically). YES!!!!!!!!!!!

Ada is again flooded with a new stream of tears and frustration.

Mom (moderately calm). M…, I see…

Mom sighs heavily and folds her crossed arms on her chest, looks at her daughter with a seal.

Mom (with subtext and irony). So who's the lucky guy?

Ada (jumping up on the sofa, sitting down and looking at her mother, hysterical). Mom, who cares who he is! What are you! Don't you understand? I was once again ridiculed and left! Nobody needs me, Mom! I'm scary! I'm weird! I'm… finished, Mom!

Ada bursts into tears again, but quietly, her strength is leaving her. Mom comes up to her daughter, sits down next to her, hugs her, pats her on the shoulder.

Mom (with warmth). It was the same Pavlik?

Ada (through tears). Yeah…

Mom (with warmth). You said that he, like, looks are not the main thing.

Ada (calming down a little). That's what I thought. At least… that's what he told me… I didn't dare to meet for a long time after the last date, you know. Then this Pavlik appeared, they found him online. We communicated well, we seemed to like each other. I tried to warn him in every possible way about my peculiarity, hinted in a streamlined way that I didn't have very beautiful ears, that he might not like me, delayed the meeting in every possible way. In my profile, this photo is more or less worth it, my features are not very visible. And he told me all the time that only the essence is important to him. That we feel each other and understand each other. And that no physiological features are an obstacle to us! That's what he said… I believed him, Mom. I even almost forgot about my prominent ears myself. We met with him and…

Ada falls silent. There is a slight pause.

Mom (with warmth). The date didn't last long, did it?

Ada (on a sad exhalation). No more than two minutes. When he saw me, he immediately changed his face. He was so enthusiastic, so elated… I noticed him first. And when he came to the place where we agreed to meet and saw me, he … immediately became sad, trampled on the spot a little, but then he came up, gave me his pathetic bouquet of flowers and, apologizing, said that he urgently needed to leave on some business.

Mom (with warmth). That's it?

Ada (with sadness). And everything.

Mom (with warmth). But wait, maybe he really needed to go somewhere? Life is a complicated thing, does anything happen? Maybe he'll call again? And where are the flowers?

Ada (with sadness). You should have seen him running away with his heels flashing. No, Mom, I get it. I left the flowers in the nearest urn. It's not the first time… I have been observing such a reaction for several years. Nothing new. First, the guy wants to meet me, says a lot of compliments, then tells me how important the inner world is to him, insists on meeting and … when we meet, then … then everything is about the same as today. And no one ever called or wrote to me after that. And this Pasha won't call either. Don't wait, believe me. Let's have dinner, I'm hungry.

Ada and Mom get up from the sofa, are about to go to the kitchen, when suddenly a call comes to Ada's phone.

Mom and Ada look at each other in surprise.

The call is repeated again.

Ada (surprised, not believing). Come on!

The challenge is repeated again, for the third time!

Mom (impatiently). Yes, you take it soon!!!

Ada is worried, picks up the phone.

Ada (with trepidation, into the phone). Hello?

Ada frowns, listens warily.

Ada (cautiously, into the phone). Yes, I am. And who are you? On what issue?

He frowns again, listens warily.

Ada (cautiously, into the phone). Who! Which Kostya? From whom? From Paul? What's wrong with him? Something happened?

He pauses, listens to the phone.

Ada (cautiously, into the phone). Personally?

Ada hesitates, looks vaguely at her mother.

Ada (cautiously, into the phone). Wait, is he all right? Where is he?

He pauses, listens to the phone.

Ada (cautiously, into the phone). Well, all right, all right. I dictate the address. Dargomyzhsky 8a sq. 16.

Puts down the phone, looks at mom in surprise. Mom looks at her daughter no less surprised.

Mom (impatiently). And what was that? It wasn't Pavlik who called, was it?

Ada (a little confused). No… It was Kostya who called.

Mom (impatiently).

Ada shrugs her shoulders in confusion.

Mom (indignantly). So you don't know him, but you're already giving him your home address?

Ada is completely confused, thinking, and then confirming the absurdity, shakes her head.

Mom (indignantly). Well, what were you thinking? What if it's a maniac? Now sit – worry and think, or they will rob you, or they will rape you. And what's even worse – both!

Ada (gathering herself). Come on, Mom. What to take from us? And who will rape us. You're old, I'm scary. The only hope is for a maniac. There don't seem to be any other options for you and me… .

Mom thinks about it.

Mom (busily). The baby's mouth speaks the truth! I'll go at least get dressed up, but I'll put on makeup, since this is the case. And I advise you to put yourself in order. We are waiting for guests!

Mom leaves on an emotional high, humming to herself. The daughter adjusts her clothes, takes off her glasses, wipes her face with a handkerchief, looks in the mirror, tries to fix something somehow, puts her glasses back on, also runs away.

ZTM.

The room is empty, neither Mom nor Ada is there.

The doorbell rings. As if on command, Ada and Mom look out from behind corners and aisles. They look predatory at the door. Then they look at each other. They both go to open it. Ada is in the same form, only she cleaned herself up a little. Mom is on parade. Even some kind of scarf for charm is tied around her neck. They open the door, stand in a line, proudly putting their chest forward, stretching out slimly, as at a military review.

He timidly enters the room, if you can call it a word, enters, rather timidly Kostya appears. Kostya just tears all expectations to shreds. He is not a maniac at all, not once and nowhere. He is stooped, small in stature, glasses on his nose, trousers – probably still left from his grandfather, a shirt that you can't look at without tears, some kind of vest that is generally out of place. And of course – a sleek hairstyle (mama's boy).

And here it is, slowly and cautiously enters the room, sitting down a little and bending down at every step from excitement and inconvenience.

Mom (loudly, imperiously, disappointed). Tyu…

Kostya sits down from this "TYU"

Mom closes the door, looks with pity at this creature. The daughter also leaves her military bearing and looks a little disappointed, first at the guest, then at her mother.

Kostya (worried, stuttering, mumbling). Z… hello. I… I called you, I… pop… p… about Pavel.

Ada (indifferently and emotionally de-energized). What's wrong with Pavlik?

Kostya (not so worried anymore, Ada). Are you Ada right? I recognized you right away. Let me introduce myself, Kostya!

Ada (calmly). Yes, I get it. That's right, and I'm Ada. So what do you need, Kostya?

Kostya (feeling awkward). Do you understand…

Kostya looks back at his mother standing behind him, hesitates … does not know how to approach the question. Rushing around.

Mom (skeptically, looking at Kostya). Msu… you obviously need to talk. Okay, I'll leave you to it. Here…, there is not much to worry about. (With a daughter's trick) You're too cute, be careful with him. Don't bite it, inadvertently, but don't break it by accident.

Kostya makes ridiculous gestures of gratitude to his mother and, as it were, tries to appreciate the humor and generally tries to pull himself together, but it all comes out as clumsily as possible.

Mom, shaking her head in annoyance, goes into the other room, fatally pulling the scarf off her neck.

Ada goes to the sofa, sits down.

Ada (calmly). Well, what did you want to talk to me about?

Kostya (awkwardly). Do you understand… Here… such a story…

Ada (calmly). Yes, come already, sit down somewhere. Why should I stand at the door?

Kostya carefully passes, sits on a stool, on the sidelines.

Ada (calmly).

Kostya (trying to figure out how to explain it all). Well. The thing is, Ada, that… We have known each other for a long time, though in absentia.

Ada (surprised). Seriously? And what does it have to do with you and me? Don't talk my teeth out. Kostya (trying to figure out how to explain it all).

So that's what I'm leading up to! You… please don't interrupt, I'll tell you everything. (Takes a short pause) It should have been done a long time ago.

Ada (warily). I do not understand…

Kostya makes a gesture with his hands (puts his palms forward), they say, I'll explain everything now!

Ada sits back, assumes a businesslike, expectant pose, listens attentively.

Kostya (exhaling deeply). The fact is that… In general, it was I who corresponded with you all this time, not Pavlik.

Ada (indignantly). What?

Kostya is trying to settle the situation with gestures, calm Ada down, make it clear to her so that she does not interrupt yet.

Kostya (worried). Please, Ada, let me tell you everything, I'm worried myself, I don't know. How to present it all. You would know what it cost me to call you…

Ada (restraining herself with difficulty). All right. Tell me already! We'll figure out what's what there.

Kostya (worried). In general… well… you can see what I am, right? I have no access to girls. How many times have I tried dating the opposite sex – all in vain. I understand that my appearance, natural modesty and complexion – all this does not make a man beautiful in the eyes of a girl. On the contrary, those men who are arrogant, self-confident, with charisma are in demand! Such that… an eagle— as they say. Well, I… well, you see for yourself. It's like… what kind of questions can there be.