Никита Капернаумов - 2018: Истероидный инцел и сталкер

вторая была из полулегальных работодателей которые дают задания в метро. она тоже такая вобщем как эта стримерша с видео, только она была ещё короткостриженая (но блин она мне понравилась) и ей было лет 30, и меня в ней ещё поразила память, стоим значит, она выписывает рукой мне доверенность (во первых пишет быстрей чем говорит) и ей хватило одного раза на 5 секунд (!!!!) глянуть на мой паспорт чтобы переписать все данные за один раз в доверенность!!!!!! я не поверил что это вообще случилось. как говорят, «был в ахуе», мне уже было не до работы, я такого никогда в жизни не виделю. она 5 секунд посмотрела на паспорт (специально какбы дала себе время запомнить) и потом настрочила все эти цифры без ошибки все, вплоть там до этих всех кодов подразделения. ну это вот как так, спрашивается… блииин как я её хотел за это… ну и за то что такая приятная личиком.

ссылкаs-вк/fave? z=video-45745333_456240569

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wrote three days ago

actually i am trying to find a friend. or rather an acquaintance/link-minded person, as i call them. knowing that 4chan is the first place where all freaks crowd to, i posted a couple of threads ссылка-boards.4chan.org/soc/thread/26430188 recently and was directed to Brandon’s case, i even procured his discord, but yet haven’t found any sufficient biography on him, which i’d like to read before contact. but from what threads i could find i’m afraid his case has to do with mental slowness or degeneracy (the latter, though, seems now the real prospect for me), like ElRodgr’s had. they both even look similar. my inferiority complex concerns more intellectual and psychological qualities, has almost nothing to do with any anxiety whether i am goodlooking. of course nobody here will encourage me in this, i mean everyone will be saying i do not want to have a friend who is like me. but there is no way of me establishing an acquaintance with a normie, as they are called. i would explain why at length but now am very exhausted after a day of frustration on which, i, having finally saved up (by my translation hackwork) a round figure 1000rub ($17), topped up Dasha’s phone with it (like i did a few months ago), from a new profile sent to her a long message full the most heartrending phrases and arguments i could think of and had accamulated in the last weeks and yet again (i’d written to her a few times in the winter) received absolutely no reaction, and even guess she didn’t read it. something has happened with her, changed. either she is now following, as i speculated in the message, this stalkers’ victims’ golden rule not to contact with us in any way, as if this typical overly orderly woman, fearful of obsessive men, like the psychologist to whom i went recently, and someone here, told her to do so, or she herself has changed of late and ignores me due to some private principles which cannot be guessed. i’ve not known anything about her, how she lives for a year and a half, except what can be judged from her rare instagram photos, maybe she is now quite another dasha, i don’t know. it’s a shame that my mother is again living with me now and will until the summer at least, because now is the point when i would get a job, earn enough money for the tickets and hostel for one month and in the summer go to that my native city to spy on her ( – впервые этой идеей наконец задумался по среьёзному – ), and maybe even would buy a photo camera to make good photos, i would buy and put on a wig and maybe even a false beard made of my pubic hair and i would be passing by her, filming and maybe at the end approach her undisguised and see how she reacts. i would find a boy with a tape recorder and pay him for approaching to her and talking about something just to record her voice. would use all possible options of getting to her. would make the best summer in my life.

she’s getting old, i’m getting old, everything is changing, it is not the life i lived two years ago. now i can think of nothing else but the youth the last years of which are expiring. and of course am pitying myself for not having had any sexual experience. i even seem to be noticing the decrease in my libido. i don’t wet so abundantly anymore as i did just two months ago, of which i was so proud. that physical feeling in genitals, so maddening and overwhelming of old, is also no more. it’s as if i can now understand what to be an impotent means. now i want sex no less than formerly, but right now, for instance, the fucking cock isn’t any hard. a year ago this would have been unthinkable. it would make a hole in my pants, almost all the time, especially when i was writing a post on girls and sex. i go crazy with despair at the realization of such things. since the very beginning of life i’ve been overly obsessed with dreams of sex, all this body thing. and i haven’t got it in any form due to my freak mental development. yesterday i bought an account (i buy cracked accounts on VK for spamming my ads) and it was a 17yo girl’s, and i found intimate photos and videos (given her age, illegal stuff to keep, btw, so i didn’t even download it) of her with her boyfriend. i couldn’t believe my eyes as i watched them, in one they lie in a bed and are playing child-like with their used condom, fighting each other in a loving manner, and she puts her legs on his shoulders and he kisses her feet and they laugh and all that, on another they’re both in a bathroom, she stark naked and laughsome. and that isn’t her first boyfriend, i found another guy in the depths of dialogues’ history, this one she dated when she was 16! but to look at her page you would say she’s a decent girl, some humble virgin who, though dates a boy, seems to have hardly gone further than the first kiss stage. she has photos with her mother, she is not some informal girl who hangs out in some dark places with friends drug-addicts and consequently is unlikely to have missed on sexual interactions, nay, she is a family girl, photos with the mother, parents, optimisticaly looking family members, much medals and trophies on the wall of her girlish room. and yet she does that, she already knows and experiences those things, her pussy is hairy, she knows what condom is, she, in the end, has a pussy, as such. i cannot put up with the fact that she has a pussy. she has what i’ve ever been obsessed with in my pequiliar drawning-repulsing way. i mean i’ve always been drawn to it, as a male, but yet there has always been with me this fear of it, which takes root in that single experience of painfull surgery i underwent at 3.

wanted to write much more on the subject, but for three days in a row i cannot write a word, i buy accounts one after another and spam my ad and message girls, i also for two weeks have been stuck in this phase when i get up at 6—9pm and go to sleep at noon the next day, and when i’m going through such a phase (usually a week and then i’ll not sleep for 30 hours and stabilize) my head aches like hell and i feel like having the flu, in addition i’ve been hackworking for a 26yo girl ( – преуспевшая девка из казани както попавшая в моё сообещство, она админ сети крупных пабилков типа looks of young ансколько помню называлось, она хэд написала примерно во времена хочуобнимати попрсоила перевести объявление своей квартиры под сдачу к чемпионату мира по футболу 2018 котоырй будет и в казани в том числе – ) who also always has such sleeping hours (works from home, a web administrator) but she feels herself fucking good, she doesnt complain about anything, and she had sex, i know it for sure because in her texts (she studies english and gives me her writing to check) she wrote she had boyfriends and she paints her nails like all good-looking and neat girls do, i haven’t seen her face but seen her fingers in one photo, so she isn’t some nolifer like i am, fuck, and so this time i cannot move on this bloody phase of sleepinghours, i’m fucking stuck, head aches, i’m cold, want to bed but can’t go to sleep of course and i cannot lie for long for thinking on fucking and then i’ll get up and turn on the computer and on with messaging girls. comes the summer and my mum fucks off, i’m going to the park and going to be asking girls to show pussy or piss for me, thats what i’ve decided.

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03 04 18

( – тотже факью но видимо какието изменения – )

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####### почему за деньги? #######

у меня самооценка на нуле (по обоснованным причинам: у меня нет даже 9ти классов и ничего в жизни не получилось что пытался), и я потомственный мазохист, не позволю себе быть с девушкой без денег

####### у психиатров был? #######

был не помогло. такие проблемы как мои решения таблетками и болтовнёй не имеют. но если вы настаиваете пойти ещё к «хорошим» платным вот мой яндекс кошелёчек 41001442252910 жертвуйте!!! (ещё можете со мной связаться вышлю номер карты сбера) 2тыс за каждую консультацию в институте Бехтерева. я работать не могу уже, а все деньги что заработал за молодость я потерял изза депрессии (5млн потерял, родительские в том числе с продажи квартиры).

####### а откуда 10тыс у тебя? #######

объясняю: 10 тыщ я бы потратил с пенсии своей (по инвалидности) а потом бы месяц ел овсянку с водой и если мог переводил бы тексты на английский в инете. на тыщи б на 2 месяц протянул.

####### почему письку собираешься в перчатке трогать? #######

ну как зачем, затем чтоб не заразиться вашим вичем и молочницей или что там у вас. у меня пальцы все в заусенцах я же грызу.

####### сходи к проститутке #######

мне нужно реализовать мечту а не сходить к проститутке. похода к проститутке у меня в мечтах никогда не было.

так же добавлю что считаю что озабоченность потерей девственности это удел неграмотных дебилов, ни минуты не потративших на самоанализ. зачем искать лишения девственности если не из-за того чтобы почувствовать себя мужчиной? а мужчиной чувствуешь когда тебя женщина хочет сексуально. девушка за деньги хочет сексуально? нет, она хочет деньги. соответственно не вижу смысла в походе к проститутке и классической ебле за деньги в принципе.