Gail Martin - In His Eyes

“I like it, too, but it’s the—”

“I hate it here!”

The child’s shout pierced their subdued conversation, followed by the sound of a crash above their heads as if she’d thrown something across the room.

“Sorry,” Connor said. “She’s having one of her bad days.”

“You never let me do anything,” Caitlin bellowed down the staircase.

Ellene flinched at the child’s frustration.

Connor walked to the narrow opening and called up the stairs. “Caitlin, stop it. We have company.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want any company.”

“She doesn’t mean it,” he said, looking at Ellene with contrition in his eyes. He turned and bolted up the stairs, and Ellene waited, listening to the commotion from above.

Finally it quieted, except for a child’s sobs. Ellene’s heart wrenched at the sound.

Connor’s footsteps thudded down the stairs and paused at the bottom. “Sorry. This is too common lately.”

Ellene felt at a loss. “What do you do?”

“Let her cry it out. I don’t know what else to do. To be honest, once in a while I’d like to give her a good spanking, but that’s not what she needs.”

His comment sparked her curiosity. “What does she need?”

“A mother to give her more attention than I can.”

Ellene felt a shudder course through her, and she clasped her handbag tighter to her body. The sorrow she felt for Connor at that moment overwhelmed her. “It must be hard for you.” She tilted her head toward the staircase. “What do you do when she acts out this way?”

“She’s in time-out with threats of no TV.”

“No TV? I suppose that’s a good punishment.”

He nodded. “Caitlin’s shy and hasn’t made friends around here yet. TV’s her major form of entertainment.”

As he stepped forward, a disconcerted look registered on his face. “I really apologize for all this.” He extended his hand. “I didn’t even take your coat.”

Ellene slipped it from her shoulders and handed it to him.

“Have a seat. I’ll make some coffee.”

“You don’t need to do that,” she said, rattled by the child’s problems and her own sensations.

Ellene’s emotions flew to opposite poles—pity and envy. If she and Connor had married, they might have had a daughter. Then she would be a mother, not knowing what to do either with an unhappy child.

While Connor strode into the kitchen area, Ellene settled into a chair and gazed through the glass door to the large porch and the channel beyond, weighing her thoughts and calming her discomfort while Conner put on a pot of coffee. When he finished he headed across the room to Ellene.

“I want to make things better for Caitlin,” he said, sinking into the chair across from her. “She’ll make friends eventually, once she starts school here. Aunt Phyllis will be good for her. Caitlin needs a woman in her life, and even though…”

Connor’s voice melded into Ellene’s muddied thoughts. Caitlin needed a woman—but, as Connor had just said, the girl needed a mother. Every child deserved to be loved and nourished by a mother-figure. Ellene recalled Connor’s elderly aunt. She had been a nice woman, but would she be able to deal with the energy and needs of a young, lonely child?

“I shouldn’t be yakking so much,” Connor said, his voice impinging into her reverie. “You don’t want to hear my problems.”

Ellene hadn’t heard them, except she understood his frustration. “I feel for you, Connor. Being a parent is a big responsibility.”

“And being a single parent is even bigger.”

Ellene nodded, not knowing what else to say. They gazed at each other until she became uneasy. “I suppose we should get down to business.”

“Right. The business.” The scent of coffee filled the air, and Connor rose again, pulled down three mugs from the cabinet and grabbed a packet from a nearby box.

Hot chocolate for Caitlin, Ellene guessed. Connor has a soft heart. The awareness pressed against her chest.

Connor poured the coffee and handed Ellene a cup, then strode to the staircase. “Caitlin, if you can be a good girl, you can come down for some cocoa.”

He stood a moment listening, then shrugged. But in a moment, footsteps sounded on the steps, and Ellene’s gaze shifted back to the staircase opening. In a heartbeat, a spindly child, dressed in pink sweat-pants and shirt paused in the doorway. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and an occasional hiccup let Ellene know she was controlling her sobs.

When she inched into the room, she headed straight for Connor who was putting a mug into the microwave. She reached him and buried her face into his pantleg, wrapping her arms around his leg.

“Can you say hello to Ellene?” Connor asked, resting his hand on the child’s dark-blond hair.

She didn’t raise her head but curled even closer to Conner and gave a shake.

Connor crouched and tilted her eyes to his, whispering something Ellene couldn’t hear. When he rose again, Caitlin stood straighter, watching the microwave above her head. Hearing the quiet beep, Connor pulled out the mug, added the chocolate mixture and stirred, then set it on the counter. “Let it cool a minute or you’ll burn your hands.”

He grasped his mug of coffee and headed for Ellene. “I suppose you don’t approve.” He passed the chair and sat on the couch.

She frowned, wondering what he meant.

He gave a slight tilt of his head toward Caitlin. “Forgiving too quickly.”

Forgiving too quickly. The words shot through her as her father’s words pierced her thoughts. The Bible teaches us to forgive so that God will forgive us our mistakes. “I don’t think you were wrong.”

He gave her a questioning look, as if he wasn’t sure if she meant it, then turned toward Caitlin. She’d grasped the mug of chocolate and was blowing on the top. Connor patted the cushion beside him.

Caitlin noticed, but hesitated.

“Hi, Caitlin. I’m glad to meet you,” Ellene said, watching the child’s unsteady journey with her hot drink.

Caitlin gave her a shy look, then moved closer and finally settled beside Connor.

Ellene took a sip of the coffee, surprised that Connor remembered she liked it with milk, and studied the child. She saw Connor’s image in the little girl, and it was more than the blue eyes. Caitlin had the same determined set to the jaw. What looked different was her nose, more delicate and slightly rounded at the tip. The early thought rose in her mind. What would her and Connor’s little daughter have looked like? If…

No ifs. She clinched her jaw, struggling to gain control of her thoughts and let her question slide. She focused on Caitlin, wishing she could do something to bring a smile to the child’s face, something to help her relax. “Do you know why I’m here?”

Caitlin shook her head as she glanced toward her dad.

“I’m here to fix your new house for you.”

“I don’t want a new house,” she mumbled.

Her response startled Ellene. She figured most kids would love the excitement of moving to a new house. “You don’t think it’ll be fun to have new adventures and make new friends?”

The child looked away, never letting her gaze land on Ellene. “I don’t want new friends. I hate it here.”

Ellene flinched again at the child’s vehemence. “Why?”

The simple question seemed to stump the girl. She looked down at the floor, then into her cocoa mug and shrugged.

“I’d love to live on an island,” Ellene said, knowing that she’d stretched the truth a bit. She’d enjoy the island in the summer.

Caitlin gave her a wary look, but for the first time, had finally looked into her eyes.

Ellene’s chest tightened at the visual contact. “Your daddy—” The word hurt to say. “—can take you in a boat in the summer, and you can go swimming on the beach. And in the wintertime, you can—” Can what? Freeze to death was all she could think of.

“Tell Ellene what we’re going to do with your bedroom,” Connor said, filling Ellene’s abrupt silence.

Caitlin shook her head. “I don’t want a new bedroom.”

Hearing the child’s plaintive voice, Ellene felt rocked with compassion and set her cup on the table. She and Connor needed to get to their business, but Caitlin’s unhappiness engulfed her.

Ellene’s mind spun with actions. Not confident in her tack, she rose. “Why don’t you show me your room? Maybe you could tell me what another girl might like if she lived in this house. I bet you have good ideas.”

The child studied her a minute, and to Ellene’s amazement, she stood, eyed her dad and then headed toward the stairway. Ellene gave Connor a sidelong look and followed.

Connor watched them head up the stairs, then stood to follow but changed his mind. He’d leave well enough alone. Maybe Caitlin would soften her belligerence, and Ellene would see the sweet child she really was.

He drained his cup, set it on the table and wandered to the glass doorway that led to the porch. Outside he saw the crystallized snow that rimmed the lake. His gaze drifted to the porch love seat while memories swept him away.

He and Ellene had visited the cottage more than once, and they’d sat on the porch, occasionally alone, where he could sneak a kiss. He recalled her soft lips. They were young and inexperienced, not that he’d wanted to be. He’d listened to the guys in the high school locker room relate their conquests, brag about their prowess, and he’d laugh and nod as if he knew what they were talking about.

But he’d respected Ellene too much even to suggest anything like that to her. Now that he thought back, he wondered where he’d gotten such self-control. He’d wanted to know the secrets that his buddies bragged about, but his morals had stopped him from tempting fate.

So why in college had he succumbed so easily to Melanie? He’d been hurt by Ellene’s rejection. Rejection? The excuse sounded so weak. They’d promised to marry after he graduated from college—only a couple of years to wait. Ellene had been the only woman he’d really loved.

Rejection was no excuse for his behavior. He’d gotten involved with Melanie on the rebound. She’d been attractive and more romantically experienced, and he’d thought…

Connor listened to the sounds above him, longing for life to have taken a different turn. Would his life have been different if he’d controlled himself with Melanie? Could he have resolved the problem with Ellene and gotten back together?

Though he’d tried, Connor couldn’t remember how he and Ellene had become friends, but they had. They had been raised differently. She’d been born into a family he’d never experienced. Her parents lived well, enjoying their Italian heritage. He could picture the lovely home surrounded by flowers and trees. Her mother, always neatly dressed, wore jewelry and perfume. She attended social functions and volunteered at one of the charity foundations, while her father ran the family business. They had money and luxuries. Their family gatherings were loud and full of food and love.

His own family struggled to make ends meet. His mom worked behind the counter at a dollar store, and his dad worked in a small factory, coming home with grime beneath his fingernails and smelling of cigarette smoke.

Another noise from above caused Connor to turn and look up. Enough of wondering what was happening with Caitlin and Ellene. He strode across the room and up the staircase.

The second story reminded him why Ellene had come to the cabin. The upper floor held two small rooms with limited closet space, hardly a place for a young girl to feel at home. Caitlin had the larger room, but the smaller one had become a storage area with boxes and unused furniture that needed to be tossed out. Connor longed to make one lovely room for Caitlin with space to spare.