Илья Франк - Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success (господа, я скажу вам секрет моего успеха) ," he cackled (прокудахтал) . "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now (я был на открытом воздухе день за днем вот уже около 75 лет) ."

The celebrants (собравшиеся гости: «празднующие») were impressed (были впечатлены) and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime (как он сумел сохранить такой строгий режим занятий зарядкой, спортом; fitness — пригодность; хорошая форма) .

"Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago (видите ли, моя жена и я поженились 75 лет назад) . On our wedding night (в нашу брачную ночь) , we made a solemn pledge (мы дали торжественное обещание; pledge — обет, обещание) . Whenever we had a fight (когда бы мы ни поссорились; fight — бой; спор, ссора) , the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk (тот, кто окажется: «будет доказан» неправым, выходит из дому прогуляться) ."

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

I’ll take a walk.

It was three o'clock in the morning (было три часа утра) , and the receptionist (дежурная, портье) at a posh hotel (в шикарном отеле) was just dozing off (дремала, засыпала) , when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming (когда маленькая старушка подбежала к ней, крича) . "Please come quickly! (пожалуйста, идите быстрее) " she yelled (она вопила) , "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!! (я только что видела голого мужчину за своим окном /to see-saw-seen/) "

The receptionist immediately (немедленно) rushed up (помчалась наверх) to the old lady's room (в комнату старой леди) .

"Where is he? (где он) " asked the receptionist.

"He's over there (он вон там) ," replied (ответила) the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel (показывая на жилой дом напротив отеля) . The receptionist looked over (поглядела туда) and could see a man with no shirt on (и "смогла увидеть" мужчину без рубашки) , moving around his apartment (передвигающегося по своей квартире) .

"It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed (это, вероятно, человек, готовящийся пойти спать: «в кровать») ," she said reassuringly (она сказала успокаивающе) . "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up? (а как вы узнали, что он голый, вы можете видеть его только выше пояса) "

"The dresser, honey! (туалетный столик, дорогая) " screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser! (попробуйте встать на туалетный столик) "

It was three o'clock in the morning, and the receptionist at a posh hotel was just dozing off, when a little old lady came running towards her, screaming. "Please come quickly!" she yelled, "I just saw a naked man outside my window!!!" The receptionist immediately rushed up to the old lady's room.

"Where is he?" asked the receptionist.

"He's over there," replied the little old lady, pointing to an apartment building opposite the hotel. The receptionist looked over and could see a man with no shirt on, moving around his apartment.

"It's probably a man who's getting ready to go to bed," she said reassuringly. "And how do you know he's naked, you can only see him from the waist up?"

"The dresser, honey!" screamed the old lady. "Try standing on the dresser!"

I’m going to bed.

An airline captain (командир самолета) was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess (обучал очень хорошенькую блондинку — новую стюардессу; to break in — дрессировать, укрощать; дисциплинировать) . The route they were flying (маршрут, по которому они летели) had a stay-over in another city (имел остановку в другом городе) , so upon their arrival (так что, по их прибытии) , the captain showed (показал) the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat (лучшее место для персонала, где поесть) , shop (сделать покупки) and stay overnight (и остановиться на ночь) .

The next morning (на следующее утро) as the pilot was preparing the crew (когда пилот готовил экипаж) for the day's route (к дневному маршруту) , he noticed (заметил) the new stewardess was missing (не хватает новой стюардессы) . He knew which room she was in at the hotel (он знал, в каком номере она была /to know-knew-known/) and called her up (позвонил ей) wondering what happened to her (недоумевая, что с ней случилось) .

She answered the phone (она взяла трубку: «ответила по телефону») , sobbing (всхлипывая) , and said she couldn't get out of her room (и сказала, что не может выйти из своего номера) .

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not? ("почему нет") "

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here (здесь только три двери) ," she cried (плакала) , "one is the bathroom (одна — ванная) , one is the closet (одна - /стенной/ шкаф) , and one has a sign on it that says (а на одной вывеска, табличка, которая гласит) ,

'Do Not Disturb'! (не беспокоить) "

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says,

'Do Not Disturb'!"

Do Not Disturb!

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work (молодой человек, нанятый супермаркетом, явился для своего первого дня работы; to report — доложить, рапортовать; явиться, предстать) . The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile (менеджер встретил его теплым рукопожатием и улыбкой) , gave him a broom (дал ему метлу) and said (и сказал) , "Your first job will be to sweep out the store (твое первое задание будет подмести в магазине) ."

"But I'm a college graduate (но я выпускник колледжа) ," the young man replied indignantly (ответил возмущенно) .

"Oh, I'm sorry (сожалею) . I didn't know that (я этого не знал) ," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom (давай-ка мне сюда метлу) - I'll show you how (я покажу тебе, как) ."

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."

"But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom — I'll show you how."

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that.

I'll show you how.

Little Susan was mother's helper (крошка Сьюзан была маминой помощницей) . She helped to set the table (она помогала накрывать на стол) when company was due for dinner (должны были обедать) . Presently everything was on (вскоре все было на /столе/) , the guest came in (вошел гость) , and everyone sat down (и все сели /to sit-sat-sat/) . Then mother noticed (заметила) something was missing (чего-то недостает) .

"Susan," she said (сказала) , "You didn't put a knife and fork (ты не положила нож и вилку) at Mr. Smith's place (на место мистера Смита)."

"I thought he wouldn't need them (я подумала, они не будут ему нужны) ," explained (объяснила) Susan. "Daddy ( папа) says he always eats like a horse! (он всегда ест, как лошадь) "

Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped to set the table when company was due for dinner. Presently everything was on, the guest came in, and everyone sat down. Then mother noticed something was missing.

"Susan," she said, "You didn't put a knife and fork at Mr. Smith's place."

"I thought he wouldn't need them," explained Susan. "Daddy says he always eats like a horse!"

Something is missing.

A blonde was walking along a river (блондинка шла вдоль реки) when she noticed (когда она заметила) another (другую) blonde on the opposite bank (на противоположном берегу) .

She yells (она кричит) , " How do I get to the other side of the river? (как мне попасть на другую сторону реки) "