Анна Карат - Learn to love. 30 tips how to live

Thyere is а reason why nature madе it like this, a man is not happy without a woman, just like a woman is not happy without a man. Having split humankind into two sexes, nature ensured reproduction of the species. However, a man and a woman unite not only to create children, but also to bring joy to each other. Usually women are the ones who worry a lot about relationships. We, either in our childhood while playing with dolls realize that our role is to be loved, or we are moved by those tricky biological laws. The latter tell us to start a search for «the one and only» inorder to prevent extinction of humans as a species.

It doesn’t matter what stands behind our desire to find personal happiness, it is important to learn to build it. Yes, exactly like that, to build it, brick by brick. We, women of the 21 stcentury, need to understand that our relationships are not controlled by an invisible «something», but we are responsible for our lives and everything that is going on in them. If we are not happy with the result of our efforts, it means that we are not doing the right thing or we are doing the right thing in the wrong way. However, we always have a chance to make our dreams come true.

Let’s get acquainted. My name is Anna Yang. I am 60 years old and for the last 30 years I have been happy with the most amazing man in the world. It is quite likely that he seems this way only for me. After all, a woman creates her man and their relationship. We didn’t have this union that would make both of us happy right away. There had been many emotional wounds in my life because of romantic heartbreaks. That is why I can easily understand every one of you. Just like you I couldn’t comprehend why my life consisted of a series of failures in love. Eventually my husband and I managed to build a relationship I couldn’t even dream about.

At some point I realized that my girlfriends, girlfriends of my girlfriends and my colleagues asked for my advice quite often. I could always see mistakes made by those women and I could easily find the right solutions that would lead to a different result. Once I decided to make a web site where I could make people’s lives better. I frequently receive letters from my clients. In every letter they beg me to help them. Generally, situations that women face are similar. Indeed, the same things happen to all of us from time to time.

That is why I decided to write this book where I include my successful thirty-year marriage and answers to the most frequently asked questions. We all strive equally to find happiness and I want to help you on this complicated journey. Answers to the most difficult questions are much, much easier than you think.

Ladies keep looking for ways to be loved. Maybe it is better to be silent in front of their husbands? Or on the contrary, to chatter a lot? To cry loudly or quietly clench their teeth? To take extra care of their face or body? Manicure or pedicure? It’s my personal opinion. It is important to take breaks! It applies to both partners. Love is impossible in the atmosphere of constant overload. These are two incompatible states. Love is giving. If one of the partners is tired and overwhelmed, he or she doesn’t want to and can’t give anything to the other one. He or she wants to take instead. So imagine a relationship where both partners constantly want to be taking from each other. Taking is not an energy intensive action, you just need to ask or reach with your hand. Gifting and giving is a lot of work. Be yourself. Everything that you can discuss with your friend or grandma, discuss with your husband instead. And do it as soon as you feel that you want to. If you have to pretend when you are with your husband, then why do you even need him?

A man looks for femininity, and femininity can be different. There is no charm in insolence, but there is charm in modesty. If you want a worthy man, you will have to be a worthy woman. Are you ready to meet that worthy man today? Not on Sunday, not during some celebration, but today. I am asking this to show you that you should be a worthy woman every day. The main thing in a woman is her state of mind and her mood. In a garden, atmosphere is created by flowers, in a home atmosphere is created by a woman. From everything that I have observed I can conclude, that if a husband is a deadhead, it is not a big deal. The most vital thing is a woman’s energy. It makes a family quite stable.

The main obstacle for joy is – weariness, the main condition for joy – rest. Energy is found in good sleep, raw food, jogging, cold water and downtime. Energy is in laughter, movements, the way you walk and look. An energetic woman has an energetic face. People have to give all of their energy to work, whatever is left – to the people they care about. So nothing is left for themselves.

Ladies often don’t understand that worthy men choose worthy women. If you want a first class man, you yourself should be of first class. Here is advice that I gave not a long time ago: «Let’s expend our energy rationally and wisely. To be exact, let’s spend this energy only on ourselves.» This is the best formula to attract and keep this man and the next one, as well as to be successful in friendship and career. Learn to leave if you don’t feel comfortable somewhere or with somebody. Leave without looking back. In other words, live according to your own rules of happiness. You do want happiness, don’t you? So start living happily. And that person who likes your life, your aura and the cloud of joy around you, will value your company most of all. That person will be the one chasing you, not the one running away from you.

Men’s eyes immediately register unusual movements of a woman. This is the story told by one teenage boy: «I went into town by bus yesterday. I was sitting by the window. So I am looking out of the window and I see a flock of girls, around 14-15 years old, eating ice-cream. None of them caught my attention. The driver started the bus, the girls were about to get on and all of a sudden one of them came up to a trash bin to throw an ice-cream wrapper away. This small act immediately raised her in my opinion. While she was walking from the trash bin to the bus I could look only at her. She looked average – dressed in all black, wearing jeans of course; her hair was also black, of medium length. There wasn’t anything remarkable in her face – a face like many other faces. While I was on the bus I remembered a similar story. About seven or eight months ago I was standing in a small line at a bus station. There was a woman in front of me, in her mid-thirties at that time. When she got her ticket, she thanked the cashier. She stood out for me, because before her I had never heard words of gratitude at a register.» Our actions that we don’t even notice tell a lot about us. That is why here is a little warning: don’t try to oversell yourself when you want to be liked by someone. When your actions are not sincere, but made up and rehearsed, you will definitely be exposed.

It is important for a man to understand which woman he can approach and which woman will refuse and humiliate him. So he learns early on to detect woman’s signals. That is why if I don’t send a clear signal that I want to have sex, nobody will offer that. You can dress up, you can put on tight clothes, but a man will sense your real intentions anyway. Michael: «When I meet a woman for the first time, I pay attention to her surroundings and daily routine. I guess I also evaluate whether she is suitable for a long term relationship.»

A woman is looking for a reliable and respectable man, but she is wearing a baseball hat, jeans and tennis shoes. So she is approached by men who also wear baseball hats and tennis shoes. The answer to this problem is to choose clothes in accordance with the fact that you are a woman. I often hear, and even see in your eyes, a question: «Where, where can I meet somebody?» Then I need to clarify who exactly you are looking for. After that I can give you a very simple answer: «Go look for men of your type where they spend their time.» All in all, if a woman is looking for a serious man, she should think about what kind of impression her clothing makes. A man looks for a woman who will be his partner and with whom he will be able to talk about all the things in the world. That is why a woman should look, first of all, like a reliable partner. In addition to that she should be cheerful. The pitch of her voice is also very important. A woman’s voice can be encouraging and full of enthusiasm.

A woman should be self-sufficient. The biggest difference between men and women is that men do not wait for women to call them. Instead of that they do something else. They watch racing, invent medicine to cure HIV, read about stock pricing in the Frankfurter Allgemeine or workout. And the most important thing is that they do it not because they want to be distracted from waiting for a phone call but they do it because they want to do it.

I didn’t like those men who were chasing me. Although, thinking about them and knowing now who they have become over the years, I can’t stop wondering why I was so silly and why I didn’t like them. I picked a father of my child myself. I liked him right away, but he wasn’t one of the men chasing me. I still didn’t get married. And I don’t want anymore. I don’t know how to be married. But I do want to be happy. I’ve had men propose to me on multiple occasions. As a matter of fact, I do attract men for some reason. That is until we start dating. And then either I break up with him because I actually don’t like him, even though he treats me well; or he breaks up with me and then I suffer.

There are exceptions. Once I was absolutely happy for four years, having an affair with a married man. That was my second love. He didn’t even think about getting a divorce because I loved him more, and for him it wasn’t the first time he cheated on his wife. It was his lifestyle. He treated me very well and never gave a reason for me to become addicted to him because he was always near. Such a happy exception happened to me. After a very painful breakup I was getting back to normal for a year. Then for several years I lived without anything going on in my personal life, mindlessly and calmly. This is how it was until last year I met a man in the street. Three months of irregular communication led to an addiction to him. And then he disappeared. He got divorced and then got married again. But not to me.

That short affair made me want to have a love life again. But there is nowhere to meet men. So I started meeting them online. I have had a couple of dates, but I haven’t found anything stable. It is disgusting. It looks like I can get acquainted and attract somebody online, I can arrange a meeting and have a date with him. But how do I make a long lasting relationship out of it? I have several online options right now. One of them is not even married and really wants woman’s affection. I haven’t seen him yet. I am afraid that nothing good will happen. I do call him though to vent out and he comforts me. I am so confused!

Answer. I think your mistake is that you give more than you take. You make three steps toward a man and he makes only one step toward you. This is what too compassionate and kind women constantly do. There is this simple rule: when you stop running away, you stop being chased. Practice, try it on somebody and then share your results! You show that you are dependent and interested too much. At the end of your date you could say: «And now it is time to say good-bye, because I wanted to meet with you only this one time.» It is very likely that after that he will not want to leave you alone! You need to know men’s mindset. You need to use this simple principle: love a man less than he loves you. Act as if you have a lot of other options. What you lack is confidence. And males, just like females, choose confident partners. It happens this way because nature tells them to pick out the best ones, to procreate.