Florence Collymore - No Other Choice

Lucky me, I know how to unlock locks without a key. I actually even know morse code. When you are growing up in a toxic household, you learn everything that can help you to survive. But also it is cool to show off for a bit around your classmates. I always told them that my dad taught me that. Everyone's dad taught someone something. And I didn’t want to be an exception.

And one more piece of advice for you, always bear with yourself a hairpin. I had it. Without it, I dare to guess, I would die tied up to the radiator because I know that nobody in my family would have helped me. They were all in alliance with my mom. I even thought that I should not have exposed myself and let my sister be punished. But I’m not like them. I can’t let an innocent person be punished for my misdemeanor, albeit it was really tempting.

So I just used my skills and freed myself. I got to work 56 minutes later. The manager asked me why it happened. And I told the truth. I do not want to lie anymore. I do not want to do what people tell me. It’s enough. Enough allowing other people to “bridle” me.

It was that moment when I started planning how to kill my mom. With a lot of pain and suffering.

I wanted everything to look like suicide. So later I realized that I won’t be able to torture my mom. Because it obviously is gonna look like a murder. Saying in advance that I, at the age of 22 told the police all the truth. I have a life sentence in prison. But this story is gonna be told sooner.

Two weeks after I finished my plan. With hindsight, I comprehend that the plan was perfect. It was August 31st. I was going to push her out of the window. No bruises, no cuts. No one would understand that somebody pushed her. No evidence on her body. But it had to be performed at night in order to not get any witnesses. The most complicated part was the pushing. She was bigger and stronger than me, so I needed to trick her to come to the window but also she needed to lean over the windowsill. At least 30% of her body needs to be outside. In other cases, I would not have nailed the pushing.

It was the night of September 1st. I stole my mom’s phone. So she started looking for it.

01:13. I’m in the kitchen. Hear her steps reaching the kitchen. She enters.

“Do you know where my phone is?”

I had to make her furious. I couldn’t lose this opportunity.

“I don’t know where your phone is. You always leave it in visible places, try to use your brain.”

“What did you say?”

“TRY-TO-USE-YOUR-BRAIN”

She hit me two times in the head. Great! She went to the exit. It’s the moment, do it, Florence.

“Look what I got!”, I shouted, showing her phone.

She turned out, saw the phone, and furiously ran to me. At that moment, I threw the phone out of the window. She leaned over the windowsill exactly as I wanted her to do. And I did my job. It was super easy to take her legs when 45% of her body was outside.

No one woke up. I wrote a farewell note. Explained all the suffering in her life and that she couldn’t live like that anymore. I also wrote that a dad could take care of us and we didn’t need her in order to survive. I made her look better. I didn’t want to do it, though.

I only want to say that it could have been performed way better but I’m not an assassin. I did my best, truly. And it worked. I killed her eventually, and everyone thought that it was suicide. No job, no food, her husband beat her. Everything was perfect. I’ve never been so happy. The only thing that upsets me was that Steve, Elon, and Agnes were frustrated because of her death. Like, guys, she was an awful mom. Everyone noticed that.

We didn’t have a funeral. It was too expensive, so we just buried her in a 20$ coffin. Sorry, but she didn’t deserve any better. Eventually, everyone forgot about her and we moved on.

This guy is insane. He is the first reason why I hate men so much. Especially white males who think they are the kings of the world. All the children actually are accidents. Moreover, he said it to each one a lot of times. I have no idea why. Just wear a freaking condom. Or if you do not have money, just avoid sex.

Abel is 63. He’s got gray hair from his 40s, a crazy wrinkled face, and a stupid-looking countenance. Typical short man (something around 5’5), curses every five minutes, bad-spoken. He literally can’t put five words together. He is a rapist, junkie, and abuser. He got a degree in college and even had a great job as an engineer but it didn’t last long. He became an alcoholic and several months later a junkie. He awfully hates women, blames each thing on them, and just feels like men are better than women. He says that we are extremely emotional, not hard-working, too soft, and are created to give birth to children and be a good wife.

His degree is his biggest achievement. Albeit, he sold it to a random guy to buy drugs. I don’t know how he managed to do it because his name is written there but whatever.

Since I was five years old, I was raped by him on a daily basis. It felt like he exactly for this purpose kept me and didn’t let my mom get an abortion. It is so freaking gross and embarrassing to tell this but I need to. 97% of all girls and women have been in any way sexually or physically assaulted. Almost the third part was raped, including me. Moreover, men, if you read this, just know, it’s safer for us to be aware of all men in order to not be taken advantage of. I say all men because you never know exactly who is going to do something with you. I know that it can be offensive but you have never been in our shoes. You don’t know what we feel, so basically you can’t blame us for that. In addition, a lot of men are also scared of other men. It makes me feel heartbroken to say that we have to adapt to this kind of world simply because we do not have other choices. So be respectful towards everyone, not just men you are afraid of. You have all the rights as long as you do not make others uncomfortable. It is that easy.

Men like dad deserve to be burnt in hell, then boiled and cut into millions of pieces. You are not a man, you are not a human if you dare to treat other people in an inappropriate and awful way. Amen.

I guess you already know what I am going to talk about. Sexual assault. It began when I was 5 as I said previously. Approximately 50 times I was raped by my dad. Fun fact: not only he has raped me. A lot of people told me that I am beautiful. Moreover, dad one time said to me that if I hadn’t been his daughter, he would have married me. Just imagine how much he's messed-up. After that, I always wear baggy clothes, never wash my hair, and talk with a really brute voice. It didn’t help me.

Not make women look like shit, even though most of them are shit, I was once raped by a woman. However, according to statistics, there are 99% psychos among women-rapists. Thus, I encountered a psycho. The experience was extremely weird, compared with men. But I told you that later.

So let’s kick off the first-reason story. I clearly remember that moment. Whereas a lot of other girls say that their brain just blocks all the memories from childhood. They don't remember the rape but also the whole childhood. I think I can clearly see the recollection because this is my dad, I see him every day, it has happened more than once, and I was absolutely sober each time.

When it happened for the first time, I, indeed, was sober. I could not prove him because I was a kid. I didn't even have boobs. I wasn’t mature even close. This pedofile just used me.

He picked me up from kindergarten where he was really amiably talking with my kindergartener. But I was always with some bruises and cuts and I thought that she would do something. I was sure that she would notice and take me away from this family. Unfortunately, that has never happened. I guess it is because of their salary. My kindergarten was utterly cheap and, I suppose, they weren’t paid enough. Then why did they have to care about children who were sexually and physically abused? They didn’t have to but if they did, they would save me and I wouldn’t end up like that, writing this not a book but rather a memoir. Really short memoir because my life ended three months ago when I got to jail with a life sentence.

He picked me up earlier. Usually, you have to take your kids at 5:00 AM. He did it two hours earlier, explaining that I had to go to Art School. I have never been to Art School. To say that it was weird, I can’t say this. I was a toddler who hated that place as I guess, everyone else. So I was happy to get out of there.

When I got home, he was really gentle. I have never seen him like that. He offered me his help to change my clothes. In kindergarten, all moms help their children to change their clothes. Consequently, I agreed. We were alone. No one was at home. He put me on his knees, which wasn’t super necessary. I was a bit big for this. He placed me in the way where I was pressed in his thigh. I was sitting like I was riding on a horse. You can imagine this because it’s hard for me to tell those details.

“I wish I forgot that moment but I remember it super vividly. Nevertheless, it’s okay. I’m a grown-up kiddo. I can handle this. Though I couldn’t when I was five.”

I felt that something was wrong. Dad had never been like this. He helped me to change my clothes. But still, he kept me on his knees, so I escaped. But he was angry because of this.

I entered the kitchen. He followed me. While he was cooking, I was doing my homework. He constantly looked back at me. It was creepy as hell. When he finished, I quickly ate and started to get ready for basketball practice. I tried to be as quick as possible but I mishandled this task. He began to ask me different questions, such as “Who are you a friend with?” “Whom do you tell about your day?”. When I told him that I’m busy and needed to go, he went crazy. He closed the door with the key, took away my key, and went to the bedroom. A 6-year-old girl aka me was extremely disappointed. Why does an adult act himself as a kid? I was like, what’s wrong with you? I want to go out with my friend. You never cared about me. Plus I started going out with friends two months ago. It sounds weird, I know but it is true.

In order to get out of that apartment, I went to the bedroom where he was. I still regret that decision. He caught me and threw me on the bed. My daddy had assaulted me before, so I knew that something was going to happen. I honestly do not want to talk about it because it’s a woefully traumatizing experience for me. I can just say that he raped me that day. It was a bright and sunny day. That’s it.

It hasn’t happened once. It was happening all the time. I couldn’t bear it anymore. Sorry for those who understand how I felt. I am extremely lucky that the police were not able to find out that it was us. Many victims of domestic abuse end up in jail just because they want a better life for themselves and had to kill those who caused the unbearable pain. In this situation, I am thankful to God for helping me.

Constant abuse by my dad was something out of line. I cried every single day and even more times wanted to kill myself.

He did not just abuse me. He abused everyone who was surrounding him. He did it with my sister. With my brothers when they weren’t old enough to resist him. He did it with his wife. With random women on the street. He felt completely unrestrained. He could touch them, hit them if something was wrong. He was real trash. He wasn’t a man nor human. He didn’t want to socialize. No friends, no relatives, no manners, nothing. He was nothing and has got nothing. I feel woefully embarrassed that I’m related to him.