Виктор Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

8. She flung the wine into his face saying, «What do you take me for?»

7. 1. we don't have to date any more.

2. We can get married.

3. We must discuss how our marriage will work.

4. Do we have to discuss finances?

5. May I broach the subject of our connubial relations?

6. I have to ask you if I can discuss this point as well.

7. Will I be allowed to do it frequently?

8. I wasn't able to understand what she meant.

8. 1. they had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry.

2. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation.

3. They discussed how their marriage might work.

4. They discussed finances.

5. Finally the old man decided to broach the subject of their connubial relationship.

6. How do you feel about sex?

9.1. finances,

2. connubial,

3. respond,

4. elderly,

5. abstain,

6. welcome,

7. overcome,

8. pub,

9. beer,

10. fight.

2. 1. Generally soft and round.

2. Melts when treated properly.

3. Violent when left alone.

4. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.

5. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.

6. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

7. Highly explosive in inexperienced hands!

3. 1-Е, 2-f, 3-d, 4-b, 5-a, 6-c, 7-g.

4. 1-d, 2-o, 3-k, 4-e, 5-b, 6-j, 7-l, 8-a, 9-1, 10-f, 11-c, 12-M, 13-G, 14-P, 15-N, 16-H.

5. 1. Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily.

2. Difficult to find a pure sample.

3. Aging samples are unable to conduct electricity.

4. Tends to form strong bonds with itself.

6. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

7. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.

8. This element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.

6. 1. womanium is boiling at room temperature.

2. It melts if treated properly.

3. Be careful while using Womanium.

4. Absorbing great amounts of food, Womanium tends to put on much weight.

5. The element turning slightly green, is Womanium.

6. Wonanium has dispersed much of my wealth.

7. Probably it's the most powerful income reducing agent known.

8. Manium gets bent out of shape easily.

9. Manium forming strong bonds with Womanium, never decomposes too soon.

2. 1. a woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor.

2. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity.

3. I gave a bum five whole dollars.

4. That's a lot of money to give away.

5. He thought it was the proper thing to do.

3. True: 3, 5. False: 1, 2, 4.

4. 1-g, 2-d, 3-h, 4-b, 5-f, 6-a, 7-1, 8-c, 9-e.

5. 1. i feel really good today.

2. I gave a five dollar bill to a bum.

3. That's a lot of money to just give away.

4. He thought it was the proper thing to do.

5. He said, «Thanks.»

6. demoralize деморализовать

defame обесславливать

discharge разряжать

discomfort причинять неудобство

immature незрелый

disarrange разрушать

impatient нетерпеливый

decode расшифровывать

disadvantage невыгодное положение

improbable невероятный

inappropriate несоответствующий

immobile неподвижный

infrequent нечастый

decompose разлагаться

immortal бессмертный

unable неспособный

unbalanced несбалансированный

degenerate дегенерировать

uncertain неопределенный

unconscious бессознательный

undo уничтожать сделанное

immoral аморальный

disclose раскрывать

discourage обескураживать

inaudible неслышный

incapable неспособный

decompress снижать давление

unfamiliar незнакомый

decolor обесцвечивать

indecision нерешительность

independent независимый

unexpected неожиданный

disbelieve не верить

unload разгружать

disable лишать возможности

deform разрушать форму

ineffective неэффективный

2. 1. A very elderly couple is having dinner.

2. The old man leans forward to his wife.

3. It has always bothered me.

4. Our tenth child never looked like the rest of our children.

5. I want to assure you this has been the most wonderful experience.

6. The wife drops her head, unable to look up.

7. The old man is very shaken.

8. With a tear in his eye he asks, «Who?»

3. 1-d, 2-c, 3-e, 4-a, 5-b.

4. 1-Е, 2-j, 3-b, 4-k, 5-1, 6-c, 7-f, 8-l, 9-d, 10-m, 11-g, 12-H, 13-A.

5. 1. A couple is celebrating their 75th wedding anniversary.

2. Dear, there is something that I must ask you.

3. It has been the most wonderful experience I could have ever had.

4. Your answer cannot take that all away.

5. Did he have a different father?

6. The wife drops her head.

7. She pauses for moment and then confesses.

8. The reality of what his wife was admitting hit him hard.

9. Who was the father?

6. 1. The husband was five years older than the wife.

2. It was a most elegant dinner.

3. Our tenth child is much taller than the first one.

4. His brains work better than those of the other children.

5. He is the best in the family.

6. It was the most wonderful experience in my life.

7. He was the least naughty of all the children, when he was small.

8. The tear in the right eye is much bigger that the one in the left eye.

9. You are much more stupid than the father of the rest of the children.

7. 1. A very elderly couple is sitting at a restaurant.

2. The old man says softly to his wife, «Dear, take some of this salad.»

3. Our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.

4. These years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for.

5. She is unable to look her husband in the eye.

6. The wife paused for a moment and then confessed.

7. The old man is very shaken by the reality of what his wife admitted.

8. With a tear in his eye he asks, «Who?»

9. She said nothing at first, and then she told the truth to her husband.

8. 1. elegant, 2. bother, 3. shake, 4. property, 5. precious, 6. wealth, 7. dense, 8. sample, 9. decompose, 10. income.

2. 1. A couple was enjoying a dinner out.

2. A brunette exchanged warm greetings with the husband.

3. I want a divorce!

4. Do you want to give up our big house in the suburbs?

5. They continued dining in silence.

6. Finally, the woman nudged her husband.

3. true: 3, 4, 5. false: 1, 2, 6.

4. 1-f, 2-a, 3-g, 4-b, 5-h, 6-c, 7-1, 8-d, 9-j, 10-e, 11-k.

5. 1. A married couple was enjoying a dinner out.

2. If you must know, that was my mistress.

3. That's it!

4. The husband looked her straight in the eye.

5. Do you want to give up your Mercedes, your furs and your jewelry?

6. For a long time they continued dining in silence.

7. Who's he with?

8. Ours is much cuter.

6. 1. a married couple seemed to be enjoying their dinner.

2. They really enjoyed having their dinner all alone.

3. The wife objected to her husband's drinking too much of champagne.

4. The waiter kept bringing more and more delicious food.

5. The wife didn't expect her husband to exchange warm greetings with a woman who appeared to be a total stranger to her.

6. She insisted on having a divorce.

7. Do you want to give up our big house in the suburbs?

8. She didn't mind having a mistress who was much cuter than that of Howard's.

7. 1. – howard has a big house.

– Ours is bigger.

2. – Howard's wife has much jewelry.

– Yours is more expensive.

3. – Howard has a new car.

– Mine is newer.

4. – Howard has a cute mistress.

– Ours is cuter.

2. 1. These years were filled with constant arguments.

2. They decided that the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling.

3. They had been at each other's throat for some time.

4. They felt that this was their last straw.

5. When they arrived at the office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

6. What seems to be the problem?

7. The husband held his long face down without anything to say.

3. 1-b, 2-d, 3-f, 4-e, 5-c, 6-a.

4. 1-f, 2-d, 3-Е, 4-g, 5-a, 6-h, 7-1, 8-b, 9-c.

5. 1. On the other hand, the wife began describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

2. After listening to the wife, he picked her up by her shoulders.

3. He kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.

4. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

5. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.

6. The counselor suggested that the husband do that at least twice a week.

7. The husband scratched his head.

6. 1. They spent very few days without heated arguments.

2. They had little hope to save their marriage.

3. The counselor was a little surprised when he heard the couple's story.

4. He thought there was little hope left, but still he agreed to help.

5. After a few visits to the counselor's office they felt better.

6. When she began to speak, he understood very little, so fast she spoke.

7. And only a few words were intelligible.

8. She sat silently a few minutes, and then they left.

7. 1. If we don't try counseling, our marriage will end up in a divorce.

2. If you argue with me any more, I will leave you forever.

3. As soon as you understand that it's our last straw, things will turn for the better.

4. You've got to tell me, when you will go to visit the counselor tomorrow.

5. When you arrive at the counselor's office, the counselor will jump right in and open the floor for discussion.

6. If she doesn't stop talking 90 miles an hour, I will have to stop her by a kiss.

7. She will continue talking her head off until you kiss her.

8. I will bring her here every Tuesday if she agrees.

2. 1. She goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work.

2. Well, one Thursday, she has an incredible hand.

3. And she dashes out of her friend's house.

4. All she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf.

5. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner.

6. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified.

7. After the funeral all attacked our new widow.

3. True: 1, 3. False: 2, 4, 5, 6.

4. 1-A, 2-B, 3-K, 4-E, 5-F, 6-L, 7-G, 8-H, 9-C, 10-D, 11-1, 12-J.

5. 1. She goes home to fix her husband dinner.

2. She has an incredible hand when she notices the time.

3. She dashes out of her friend's house.

4. She realizes she has very little time.

5. All she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food.