Ирвин Ялом - The Schopenhauer Cure

gestured toward an auburn leather chair.

«Some coffee or tea?»

But Philip did not look around as he took his seat and, ignoring Julius`s offer, said,

«I await your decision about supervision.»

«Ah, once again, straight to the business at hand. I`ve having a difficult time with

that decision. Lots of questions. There`s something about your request—a deep

contradiction—that puzzles the hell out of me.»

«Undoubtedly, you want to know why I`m asking you for supervision after being

so dissatisfied with you as a therapist?»

«Precisely. In exceedingly clear language you claimed that our therapy was a

colossal failure, a waste of three years and a great deal of your money.»

«There`s no true contradiction,” Philip replied instantaneously. «One can be a

competent therapist and supervisor even though one fails with a particular patient.

Research shows that therapy, in any hands, is unsuccessful for about a third of patients.

Besides, there`s no doubt I played a significant role in the failure—my stubbornness, my

rigidity. Your only error was to choose the wrong type of therapy for me and then persist

in it far too long. However, I`m not incognizant of your effort, even your interest, in

helping me.»

«Sounds good, Philip. Sounds logical. But still, to ask for supervision from a

therapist who gave you nothing in therapy. Dammed if I`d do it—I`d find someone else. I

have a feeling that there`s something more, something you`re not saying.»

«Perhaps a modest retraction is in order. It is not entirely accurate to say I got

nothing from you. You did make two statements that stuck with me and may have played

some instrumental role in my recovery.»

For a moment Julius fumed about having to ask for details. Did Philip think he

wouldn`t be interested? Could he be that much of a space cadet? Finally, he gave in and

said, «And which two statements?»

«Well, the first statement doesn`t sound like much, but it had some power. I had

been telling you about one of my typical evenings—you know, picking up a woman

somewhere, taking her to dinner, the seduction scene in my bedroom with the same

routine and the same mood music. I remember asking your opinion of my evening and

whether you found it distasteful or immoral.»

«I don`t remember my answer.»

«You said you found it neither distasteful nor immoral, only boring. It jolted me to

think that I was living a boring, repetitious life.»

«Ah, interesting. So that was one statement. The other?»

«We were discussing tombstone epitaphs. I don`t remember why, but I believe you

had raised the question of what epitaph I might select for myself...”

«Very possible. I`ve used that question when I feel at an impasse and need some

shocking intervention. And...?»

«Well, you suggested that I might have my tombstone engraved with the phrase

«He liked to fuck.» And then you added that the phrase could be a good epitaph for my

dog too—that I could use the same stone for both me and the dog.»

«Pretty strong stuff. Was I really that harsh?»

«Whether it is harsh or not is irrelevant. What`s important is its effectiveness and

persistence. Much later, maybe ten years later, I made use of it.»

«Time–delayed interventions! I`ve always had a hunch they`re more important than

usually thought. Always meant to do a study of that. But for our purposes today tell me,

why were you reluctant at our last meeting to mention these, to acknowledge that I had in

some way, even some small way, been useful to you?»

«Julius, I`m not sure I see the relevance of this to the issue at hand—that is,

whether you are or are not willing to be my psychotherapy supervisor? And to permit me

in return to be your Schopenhauerian adviser?»

«The fact that you don`t see the relevance makes it all that more relevant. Philip,

I`m not going to attempt to be diplomatic. Here it is straight: I`m not certain you`re

basically equipped to be a therapist, and hence I have some doubts that supervision

makes sense.»

«You say, not ‘equipped`? Clarify please,” said Philip with no trace of discomfort.

«Well, let me put it this way. I`ve always regarded therapy more as a calling than a

profession, a way of life for people who care about others. I don`t see sufficient caring in

you. The good therapist wants to alleviate suffering, wants to help people grow. But I see

in you only disdain for others—look at the way you dismissed and insulted your students.

Therapists need to relate to their patients, whereas you care little about how others feel.

Take the two of us. You tell me that, on the basis of my phone call to you, you made the

assumption that I had a fatal illness. Yet never did you utter a word of consolation or

sympathy.»

«Would that have helped—mumbling some vacuous words of sympathy? I gave

you more, much more. I constructed and delivered an entire lecture for you.»

«I understand that now. But it was all so oblique, Philip. It made me feel like I was

being managed, not cared about. Better for me, much better, if you had been direct, if you

had sent some message from your heart to mine. Nothing monumental, maybe just some

simple inquiry into my situation or state of mind, or, Christ, you might have simply said,

‘I`m sorry to hear you`re dying.` How hard would that have been?»

«If I were sick, that`s not what I`d want. I would have wanted the tools, the ideas,

the vision that Schopenhauer offered in the face of death—and that`s what I delivered to

you.»

«Even now, Philip, you still don`t bother to check your assumption that I have a

fatal illness.»

«Am I mistaken?»

«Come again, Philip. Say the words—it won`t hurt.»

«You said you had significant health problems. Can you tell me more?»

«Good start, Philip. An open–ended comment is by far the best choice.» Julius

paused to collect his thoughts and to consider how much to reveal to Philip. «Well, I`ve

very recently learned that I have a form of skin cancer called malignant melanoma which

poses a serious threat to my life, though my doctors assure me that for the next year I

should remain in good health.»

«I feel even more strongly,” Philip responded, «that the Schopenhaurian vision I

offered in my lecture would be of value to you. In our therapy I remember you once said

that life was a ‘temporary condition with a permanent solution`—that is pure

Schopenhauer.»

«Philip, that perspective was meant in jest.»

«Well we know, don`t we, what your own guru, Sigmund Freud, had to say about

jesting. My point still stands: Schopenhauer`s wisdom contains much that will serve you

well.»

«I`m not your supervisor, Philip, that`s still to be determined, but I`ll give you

psychotherapy lesson number one, gratis.It`s not ideas, nor vision, nor tools that truly

matter in therapy. If you debrief patients at the end of therapy about the process, what do

they remember?Never the ideas—it`salways the relationship. They rarely remember an

important insight their therapist offered but generally fondly recall their personal

relationship with the therapist. And I`m going to venture a guess that this is even true for

you. Why did you remember me so well and value what happened between us so much

that you now, after all these years, turn to me for supervision? It`s not because of those

two comments—however provocative they were—no, I believe it was because of some

bond you felt with me. I believe you might have some deep affection for me, and because

our relationship, however difficult though it might have been, was meaningful, you are

now turning to me again in the hope of some form of embrace.»

«Wrong on all counts, Dr. Hertzfeld...”

«Yeah, yeah, so wrong that the mere mention of an embrace sends you scurrying

back to formal titles again.»

«Wrong on all counts, Julius. First, I want to caution you against the error of

assuming that your view of reality is the real thing—theres naturalis —and that your

mission is to impose this vision on others. You crave and value relationships, and you

make the erroneous assumption that I, indeed everyone, must do the same and that if I

claim otherwise, I`ve repressed my relationship–craving.

«It seems likely,” Philip continued, «that a philosophical approach may be far

preferable for someone like me. The truth is—you and I are fundamentally different. I

havenever drawn pleasure from the company of others—their drivel, their demands, their

ephemeral petty strivings, their pointless lives—are a nuisance and an obstacle to my

communion with the handful of great world spirits who have something of significance to

say.»

«Then why sign on to be a therapist? Why not remain with the great world spirits?

Why busy yourself offering help to these pointless lives?»

«If, like Schopenhauer, I had an inheritance to support myself, I assure you I would

not be here today. It`s entirely a matter of economic need. My educational expenses have

depleted my bank account, my teaching pays a pittance, the college is near bankruptcy,

and I doubt that I will be rehired. I need to see only a few clients a week to meet my

expenses: I live frugally, I wish to acquire nothing except the freedom to pursue what is

truly important to me: my reading, thinking, meditation, music, chess, and my walks with

Rugby, my dog.»

«You have still not answered my question: why come to see me when it is clear I

work in quite a different fashion from the way you want to work? And you haven`t

responded to my conjecture that there`s something about our past relationship drawing

you to me.»

«I didn`t respond because it`s so far off the mark. But since it seems important to

you, I`ll continue to ponder your conjecture. Don`t conclude that I`m questioning the

presence of basic interpersonal needs. Schopenhauer himself said that bipeds—his

term—need to huddle together by the fire for warmth. He cautioned, however, about

getting singed by too much huddling. He liked porcupines—they huddled for warmth but

used their quills to keep their separateness. He treasured his separateness and depended

on nothing outside himself for his happiness. And he wasn`t alone on this; other great

men, Montaigne, for example, shared this way of thinking.

«I also fear bipeds,” Philip continued, «and I agree with his observation that a

happy man is one who can avoid most of his fellow creatures. And how can you not agree

that bipeds create a hell here on Earth? Schopenhauer said, ‘Homo homini lupus`—man

is a wolf to man; I`m certain that he was the inspiration for Sartre`sNo Exit. ”

«All well and good, Philip. But you`re confirming my very point: that you may not

be equipped to work as a therapist. Your point of view leaves no room for friendships.»

«Every time I reach out to another, I end up with less of myself. I have not had a

friendship in adulthood, nor do I care to form one. You may remember I was a solitary

child with a disinterested mother and an unhappy father who eventually took his life. To

be frank, I`ve never met anyone who has anything of interest to offer me. And it`s not