Ирвин Ялом - The Schopenhauer Cure

because I haven`t looked. Every time I`ve tried to befriend someone, I`ve had the same

experience as Schopenhauer, who said he only found miserable wretches, men of limited

intelligence, bad heart, and mean disposition. I`m referring to living persons—not to the

great thinkers of the past.

«You met me, Philip.»

«That was a professional relationship. I refer to social encounters.»

«These attitudes are visible in your behavior. With your contempt and lack of

social skills spawned by this contempt, how can you possibly interact with others in a

therapeutic manner?»

«We`re not in disagreement there—I agree I need to work on social skills. A little

friendliness and warmth, Schopenhauer said, makes it possible to manipulate people just

as we need to warm wax if we wish to work it.»

Julius rose, shaking his head. He poured a cup of coffee for himself and paced back

and forth. «Working wax is not just a bad metaphor;—it`s about the worst goddamn

metaphor for therapy I`ve ever encountered—in fact itis the worst. You sure as hell are

not pulling your punches. Nor, incidentally, are you making your friend and therapist,

Arthur Schopenhauer, endearing to me.»

Taking his seat again and sipping his coffee, Julius said, «I`m not repeating my

offer of coffee because I`m assuming you want nothing to do with anything except the

answer to your singular question about supervision. You seem very strongly focused,

Philip, so I will be merciful and cut to the chase. Here`s my decision about supervising

you...”

Philip, who had been averting his gaze throughout this discussion, looked directly

at Julius for the first time.

«You`ve got a fine mind, Philip. You know a great deal. Maybe you`ll find a way

to harness your knowledge in the service of therapy. Maybe you`ll end up making real

contributions. I hope so.But you`re not ready to be a therapist. And you`re not ready for

supervision. Your interpersonal skills, sensitivity, and awareness need work—a lot of

work. But I want to be helpful to you. I failed once, and now I`ve got a second chance.

Can you think of me as your ally, Philip?»

«Let me answer that question after I hear your proposal, which I assume is

imminent.»

«Jesus! All right, here it is. I, Julius Hertzfeld, agree to be Philip Slate`s supervisor

if,and only if, he first spends six months as a patient in my psychotherapy group.»

For once, Philip was startled. He had not anticipated Julius`s response. «You`re not

serious.»

«Never been more.»

«I tell you that after so many years of sloshing about in the sewers I`ve finally got

my life together. I tell you that I want to earn a living as a therapist and that to do so I

need a supervisor—that`s the one thing I need. Instead you offer me what I don`t want

and can`t afford.»

«I repeat, you`re not ready for supervision, not ready to be a therapist, but I think

that group therapy can begin to address your deficits. Those are my conditions. First, a

course of group therapy and then, and only then, will I supervise you.»

«Your group therapy fees?»

«Not high. Seventy dollars for a ninety–minute session. And, incidentally, that`s

billed even if you miss a meeting.»

«How many patients in the group?»

«I try to keep it about seven.»

«Seven times seventy dollars—that`s four hundred and ninety dollars. For an hour

and a half. That`s an interesting commercial venture. And what`s the point of group

therapy—the way you do it?»

«The point? What have we been talking about? Look, Philip, I`ll be blunt: how can

you be a therapist when you don`t know what the fuck is going on between you and other

people?»

«No, no. I`ve gottenthat point. My question was imprecise. I`ve had no training in

group therapy and am asking for clarification about how it operates. How will it profit me

to hear others describe their lives and problems en masse? The very idea of such a chorus

of misery appalls me, although, as Schopenhauer points out, there is always pleasure in

learning that others suffer more than you.»

«Oh, you`re asking for an orientation. That`s a justified request. I make a point of

providing an orientation to group therapy to every patient entering a group. Every

therapist should do that. So let me give you my spiel. First, my approach is rigorously

interpersonal, and I make the assumption that each member is in the group because of

difficulties in establishing sustaining relationships...”

«But, that`s not true. I neither wish nor need...”

«I know, I know. Just humor me on this, Philip. I merely said I make the

assumption that these interpersonal difficulties are present—I assume it`s the case

whether you agree or not. As for my goal in the therapy group, I can be real clear about

that:it is to help each member understand as much as possible about how he or she

relates to each person in the group, including the therapist. I maintain a here–and–now

focus—that`s an essential concept for you to master as a therapist, Philip. In other words,

the group works ahistorically: we focus on thenow —there`s no need to investigate each

member`s past history in depth—we focus on the current moment in the group; and on

thehere —forget about what members say has gone wrong in other relationships—I make

the assumption that group members will manifest the same behavior in the group that has

created difficulties for them in their social life. And I further assume that ultimately they

will generalize what they learn about their group relationships to their relationships

outside. Is that clear? I can give you reading material if you wish.»

«It`s clear. What ground rules does the group have?»

«First confidentiality—you speak to no one about other members of the group.

Second—you strive to reveal yourself and to be honest in expressing your perceptions of

other members and your feelings about them. Third—everything must go on inside the

group. If there is contact between members outside the group, it must be brought back

into the group and discussed.»

«And this is the only way you`re willing to supervise me?»

«Absolutely. You want me to train you? Well, this is my prerequisite.»

Philip sat silently with eyes closed and his forehead resting on his clasped hands.

Then he opened his eyes and said, «I`ll go along with your suggestion only if you are

willing to credit the group therapy sessions as supervisory hours.»

«That`s a stretch, Philip. Can you imagine the ethical dilemma that creates for

me?»

«Can you imagine the dilemma your proposal creates for me? To turn my attention

to my relations with others when I never wish for anyone to be anything to me. Besides,

did you not imply that improving my social skills will make me more effective as a

therapist?»

Julius stood up, took his coffee cup to the sink, shook his head, wondered about

what he had gotten himself into, returned to his seat, exhaled slowly, and said, «Fair

enough, I`ll agree to sign off the group therapy hours as supervision.»

«One other thing: we haven`t discussed the logistics of the exchange—of my

offering you guidance on Schopenhauer.»

«Whatever we do on that matter will have to wait, Philip. Another therapy pointer:

avoid dual relationships with patients—they will interfere with therapy. I refer to all

kinds of ancillary relationships: romantic, business, even teacher and student. So I much

prefer, and this is for your sake, to keep our relationship clean and clear. That`s why I am

suggesting we start with the group and then, in the future, enter into a supervisory

relationship, and then, possibly—I make no promises—a philosophy tutorial. Though at

the moment I feel no great desire to study Schopenhauer.»

«Still, can we establish a fee for my future philosophical consultation with you.»

«That`s iffy, and a long way off, Philip.»

«I`d still like to set the fee.»

«You continue to amaze me, Philip. The goddamnedest things you worry about!

And the things you don`t!»

«Just the same, what`s a fair fee?»

«My policy is to charge the supervisee the same fee I charge for individual

therapy—with some reduction for beginning students.»

«Done,” said Philip, nodding.

«Hold on, Philip, I want to be certain you`ve heard me say that the idea of a

Schopenhauer tutorial arrangement is not of great import to me. When the topic first

arose between us, all I did was to voice some slight interest in how Schopenhauer had

provided so much help to you, and you ran with the ball and assumed we had made a

contractual arrangement.»

«I hope to increase your interest in his work. He had much to say of great value to

our field. In so many ways he anticipated Freud, who borrowed his work wholesale,

without acknowledgement.»

«I`ll keep an open mind, but, I repeat, many of the things you`ve said about

Schopenhauer do not pique my desire to know more about his work.»

«Including what I said in my lecture about his views on death?»

«Especially that. The idea that one`s essential being will ultimately be reunited

with some vague, ethereal universal life force offers me zero comfort. If there is no

persistence of consciousness, what possible solace could I draw from that? By the same

token, I get little comfort from knowing that my bodily molecules will be dispersed into

space and that ultimately my DNA will end up being a part of some other life–form.»

«I`d like us to read together his essays on death and on the indestructibility of

being. If we did, I`m certain—”

«Not now, Philip. At the moment I`m not as much interested in death as I am in

living the rest of my life as fully as possible—that`s where I am.»

«Death is always there, the horizon of all these concerns. Socrates said it most

clearly, ‘to learn to live well, one must first learn to die well.` Or Seneca, ‘No man enjoys

the true taste of life but he who is willing and ready to quit it.`”

«Yes, yes, I know these homilies, and maybe in the abstract they are true. And I

have no quarrel with incorporating the wisdom of philosophy into psychotherapy. I`m all

for it. And I also know that Schopenhauer has served you well in many ways. But not in

all ways: there`s a possibility that you may need some remedial work. And that`s where

the group comes in. I look forward to seeing you here for your first meeting next Monday

at four–thirty.»

The Happiest

Years of

Arthur`s life

_________________________

Justbecause the terrible

activity of the genital system

still slumbers, while that of

the brain already has its full

briskness, childhood is the

time of innocence and

happiness, the paradise of

life, the lost Eden, on which

we look back longingly through

the whole remaining course of

our life.

_________________________

When Arthur turned nine, his father decided the time had come to take over the direction

of his son`s education. His first step was to deposit him for two years in Le Havre at the

home of a business partner, Gregories de Blesimaire. There, Arthur was to learn French,