Steve Andreas - Help with Negative Self–talk Volume I

First listen to a troublesome voice and notice both the words that it says, and the tonality it uses… .

Next, hear the same words in several different "foreign" accents in turn — British, Mexican, Chinese, Norwegian, African, Russian, Italian, Swedish, Japanese, Portuguese — or any other accent that you are familiar with. Then you can try different regional US accents — Southern belle, New York taxi driver, Texas drawl, New England twang, California laid back, etc. Notice if any of those tonalities change your response to what the voice says… .

Some of these may change your response to a voice in a way that is not useful, while others may have very little impact. But whenever you find an accent that changes your experience in a useful way, pause to make a mental note to use this accent for this voice in the future… .

Another way to experiment with tonality is to think of different people you know: someone who is very easily excited, and someone who is always calm, someone who is uncertain, and someone who is always very certain, someone who is guarded and cautious, someone willingly takes risks, someone who tends to exaggerate, someone who often minimizes, someone who often lies or only tells part of the truth, etc. Hear the same words that your voice says in these different tones of voice, and notice if any of these change your response to what the voice says… .

Again, some of these may change your response in a way that is not useful, while others may have very little impact. But whenever you find an accent that changes your response to this voice in a useful way, pause to make a mental note to use this accent in the future… .

Now hear the same words in a questioning tone of voice, a commanding tone, a tone of amazement, a tone of puzzlement, or as if someone were reading the words from a written script, or any other tone that you would like to try… .

Again, some of these may change your response in a way that is not useful, while others may have very little impact. Whenever you find a tone that changes your response in a useful way, pause to make a mental note to use this accent in the future… .

Different tonalities have different meanings for us. Exactly which tonal elements cue these meanings, and exactly what those meanings are, might be very difficult to describe, because they are largely unconscious, and most of us don't have a good vocabulary to describe them. Luckily, this isn't necessary, because all you have to do is to experiment with different tonalities, and discover how they change your response and which are most useful to you.

Up to now, we have been changing different nonverbal aspects of a voice in order to make it less troublesome. Next we will explore how to leave a troublesome voice unchanged, but add something else to it in order to change your response to it.

Up to this point, we have been changing different nonverbal aspects of a voice in order to change your response to it. Now we turn to different ways to add to your experience in order to change your response to a voice. A general principle in NLP is to never subtract experience; always add to it. Subtracting experience reduces your choices and abilities; adding experience increases them.

Instrumental music has been used for thousands of years to elicit feeling states in people — martial music to march off to war, lullabies to help children relax and go to sleep, romantic tunes to woo a lover, and on and on.

Music is processed primarily in the right hemisphere of a right–handed person's brain, the hemisphere that does not process language, so it is less conscious, and less subject to your conscious control. If you deliberately choose to hear music internally that evokes the kind of feelings that you want to have more of, you can have more control over how you feel.

For example, Richard Wagner's "The Ride of the Valkyries" is a stirring and triumphant piece of opera music that celebrates the transportation of fallen heroes to heaven. Over half a century ago, I had a series of experiences that paired meeting a challenge — with no further time to prepare — with hearing this music played at full volume — and from many sources, and out of synchrony. Ever since then, whenever I am facing a challenge, that music automatically begins playing in my head, creating a very positive state that supports my efforts to meet that challenge. Whatever else was going on in my life "takes a back seat" as I focus completely on what needs to be done.

Very early in the development of NLP, someone discovered that thinking of a problem, and then adding in loud circus music helped some people have a different attitude toward their problem. Rather than being mired in their difficulty, they could think of it as if it were another stunt in a circus — something to observe with interest and excitement.

However, others who added circus music to a problem became angry, because thinking of their problem as another circus stunt did not fit their world at all. Although changing their response from the problem state to anger showed that the music made a significant change in their response, it was not a change that was useful to them, or that they enjoyed. Adding a particular kind of music may or may not fit with someone — unless, of course, they choose it themselves.

If you think about a problem that you experience fairly often — getting depressed, feeling slighted by others, angry, anxious, overwhelmed, or whatever, you can ask yourself, "What kind of music would change my state in a useful way?" …

If you frequently get somewhat "down," or depressed, would a lively gypsy tune or a folk dance bring you "up" again? Or would a thousand violins playing a slow dirge exaggerate how you are feeling, making it seem a bit ridiculous, and less serious or overwhelming? If you experiment with different kinds of music, you can find some pieces that will be useful in changing your state in a way that is useful to you.

Think of a problem mood that you slip into repeatedly, and would like to have more choice about… .

Now think of some music that might possibly be useful to pair with this mood, and hear this music in your mind… .

As you continue to hear the music, think of a time when you felt this problem mood strongly, and notice what happens… .

Then try a different piece of music, and another, … until you find one that shifts your mood in a useful way… .

Then make a mental note to play this music in your head at those times in order to offer you more choice… .

Most psychiatrists think of compulsive hand–washing as a problem that is very difficult to treat. Below is a lovely example of using a meaningful piece of music to quickly change this problem in a single brief session. This example was sent to me about a year ago by Ron Soderquist, an NLP–trained hypnotherapist in the Los Angeles area.

Anxious parents called, each in turn, about their 17–year–old daughter Bev, who for the past six months had obsessively washed her hands 3–4 hours a day. Both parents reported they had "tried everything." including counseling and drugs. They were so desperate they were now exploring hypnosis, about which they were very skeptical. Somewhat worn down by their skepticism I said to the anxious mother, "Look, because you are desperate and because you worry that once again you will be throwing money away, I will offer you a complimentary consultation. I will evaluate your daughter's symptoms and only schedule a therapy session if I believe I can help her." With this assurance, she made an appointment.

As family members settled into their chairs, they all appeared relaxed. They communicated with ease, and there were no overtones of hostility. Turning to the girl I asked about school and extracurricular activities. She immediately replied, "I have studied piano for many years and enjoy it very much." Because I play both classical and ragtime piano, this was a natural opening for building rapport.

When I asked about her favorite composer, she quickly said, "Chopin." Because Chopin is also my favorite, we were now in perfect sync. We agreed we both loved Chopin's Nocturnes and we both played most of them. I asked about her favorite and she hummed the melody. I said, "When I practice a nocturne in the evening I often can hear that melody in my head all next day," and she nodded in agreement. "You can hear that melody right now, can't you?" I said. She smiled and slipped into a nice little trance. As she did so, I ventured, "Perhaps, when you get the urge to wash your hands, you might enjoy turning on that nocturne instead." I observed her trance deepen as she considered this, and then she nodded her head and said quietly and confidently, "I can do that."

After some further rehearsal, and talk about other matters, I concluded the session. I didn't suggest another session. The mother wondered, "Do we need to make an appointment for Bev?" I looked at Bev as I said, "Perhaps she has already found a solution," and Bev nodded her head.

A week later the mother called to say Bev was doing fine. I was a little annoyed with myself for solving the problem when I should have held back and scheduled a regular appointment with a fee. But I just couldn't help myself; it was too much fun just to do it. And while there was no fee, I did get a good story, and the mother soon referred a friend.

When I followed up some months later, I asked for more details of what she experienced internally. She said that when she got stressed, she first "felt germs on my hands, and then pictured them on my hands. Then the voice in my head that said, 'You have germs on your hands. You have to wash them.' went faster and louder and got more intense. When I turned on the nocturne, I would usually just hear the music, but sometimes I would imagine myself playing it."

Bev was already talking to herself in a way that made her feel bad, and that bad feeling triggered her hand–washing. The Chopin nocturne was powerful in eliciting a positive state in which she had no urge to wash her hands. If Ron had added some cheerful words, that could have created conflict. However, adding instrumental music does not create conflict, because the music does not have any words to contradict what she was saying to herself. In addition, music is processed by the opposite brain hemisphere than the one used to process language, so any conflict would be between the hemispheres, rather than within one of them. Adding any music without words is a fairly safe intervention, especially if the person chooses the music that they think might be appropriate — and tests to find out how well it works.

Some readers might think that this example was a unique case, but it is actually fairly common. Ron sent me a report about another client he saw recently.

A 30–year–old male who had hung out in his bedroom for several months, couldn't drive a car etc. because of panic attacks, was brought in by his stepmother. He was too anxious to leave the back seat of his car, so I went out and started the session beside him in the back seat — a first for me! He was creating his anxiety with a habitual internal voice: "You're going to go 'weird' " — which was what he called having a panic attack. He's a guitar player, so together we found an alternate audio, a "favorite riff" that triggered his confident musician self. (I told him the Bev story while he was searching for a trigger for his confident self, and this seemed to strike a chord with him (pardon the pun). After we practiced that for a while (I did get him into my office) he went off with his stepmother. I called the next day and he had been out hiking and feeling great, using his favorite riff to keep his musician self in charge.