Nikita Kapernaumov - 2019: The most obsessive diary of a rejected Martin Eden in agony

The only thing bad – he had no box for the monitor, had thrown it away as not needed. I didn’t give a damn, i would carry it in hands, he was not far from the metro, i was going by any means to get a monitor that day. I was getting sleepier and sleepier, at last it was 3 i called and we arranged my visit. Again he was too forthcoming, advised me to take with me this or that, and he would also blanket the monitor with his fabric. What luck, how i am lucky to have come across such a kind, polite seller. And yet, though he was so kind, i myself didn’t change my inwardly hostile attitude and perception of him. Although calling him politely «you», I as usually didn’t say too many thanks and never «please». He is just like anyboddy else, only he is kind at the moment. Nobody knows what he would be like in another situation, how he would deal with me in another situation. Moreover now it was a money matter, he was about to get money, of course he would be polite. There are no friends for me but my mum. Only her do i always trust. The guy may reveal himself to be anything else, a sadist, a hitler. His kindness doesn’t say anything about him. What’s the point in being polite and courteous? Not to be an animal? In my not humble opinion, to know that normally, in an ideal society, people must be polite and say all these words is enough to be not an animal. Parrots say «please» and «thanks» too and it doesn’t make them humans. Who is more human, I who say never polite words but behave polite or a parrot who doesn’t say anything but these polite words, only he may land on his providing owner’s face and peck his eye out? Saying please and thanks all along.

I went out at last, went through the park to maybe return the unneeded hermetic back and take 100rub for it at leroy merlin.

It is the best winter ever, i am 25, it is very snowy, very frosty, many people are out walking and making merry at all these park’s snowy scenes. It was not sunny, just the right sort of sunniness for such a day, just like in childhood at frunze with alina and sledges. When i was nearing leroy merlin from behind, above new megalit houses there was a bit more sunny sky, just the sort which is supposed to be looked at when listening to bathory’s «twilight of the gods». It was just the same sky as it was then, exactly 12 years ago, when i was idiotically composing «harmony reigns» lyrics in a language i didn’t know. I would have written a couple more paragraphs on the sky alone and the relating things to it, but not now. Not I will be short (3 plays are to be read and it’s the 19th).

The hermetic is hermetic and couldn’t be returned. Went to the the bank, put money in my account. Went to kupchino, or rather to zvyozdnaya to wait till the time agreed, like i had done in the megalit-2013 trip when i needed to spend time in some warm place. For after the bank at pionerskaya i’d seen that my clock in the phone was set one hour ahead, since i’d checked the clock in the netbook, and in the netbook it hasnt been changed since the same 2013, when i was always one hour, one step ahead of everything in life.

So i waited for an hour at zvyosdnaya listening to the trial in the magus. Then emerging at cupchino called the guy but he didn’t answer. Waited 20 minutes. Again doesn answer, moetherfucker. Then i went to take a leak in kupchino’s wilderness and while doing this that guy of the morning, namely the one from begovaya called said his client hadn’t come. I said maybe i’d actually choose him becuase i didn’t have much hope with my present deal. Then i called the blond fucker again and he answered and said he’d sold an hour ago for 10k. I was already going in the direction of the metro, so said all right and hung up, not wishing to waste any more money on him. See? Remember how this same guy had been kind and polite just two-three hours ago? There you go.

I called begovaya, knew he must be in the anthill neighbourhood, so asked how did i better get to him, from staraya or begovaya. He wasn’t hearing me well, since he missed my sayng i was going to get to him on foot. He was strongly recommending staraya, while i theoretically knew that begovaya was nearer to the adress he named, if only there be a pass across the railways. But i decided i wouldn’t risk and decided to go via staraya. I wanted everything to be plain and familliar, i didn; t wish to have any stress with anything new, i was sick of new situations, i always am. And it sufficed that i was buying the worst of the monitors on avito of the day, having missed the better two. Arriving, looked at the map, saw i had to cover a fucking marathon distance compared to if had come out at begovaya. Lyzhni pereulok was the farthest point of all the goddamned neighborhood. And I’d been already sleepy as hell.

Went along mebelnaya st, very fast and evil, but swore not for the weariness. I told to myself, «well, you wanted to remember and nostalgize over your courier past? take it in full» (i’d had been planning, for the authobiography, to roam the city to refresh all the events of 2014—2016). So i went, listening to the erotic scene in the magus, around me people going to their anthill-houses from the bus stopes, bags with wines, candies to eat and feel happy in somebody’s embrace. A Friday’s evening.

I arrived at the adress, the guy descended personally to open the entrance door, a new house. He was definitely a programmer. It’s like those advanced guys i saw on dvach when somebody uploads the photos of their dwellings. Always new clothes, always a fresh hair cut. A big freshly and modernly furnished flat. Muscles, much meat. Always 25—30 years of age. Saying «modernly furnished flat» I talk about what little furniture there is in their flats. For there is always too little furniture in the flats of men like he. Always minimalism. Always IKEA. A divan, chair, table, wardrobe and laminated clean floor. All the cables are hidden, the PC is supper modern. On his screen there are these most stupid sites and programms i’ve ever known – reddit and discord. He is a gamer, when he is not a programmer. Too many colours, too many game idiocy on the screen, all these tables with scores or whatever it is, idiotic childish figures and creatures from online games. But there was english on his reddit page, at least somthing deserving my envy. But this time i really didn’t envy one much for his presumably speaking english. I am already more advanced than many of them, i’ve read 4 shakespearean plays after all. I beleive they haven’t read anything of the like at all. They do not need english for this.

Maybe dasha’s sergey is just like this guy? Living in the same minimalism and spending his eyes on all this colorful imbecility, however english. Since he is too a programmer and a gamer. I do not know. Dasha’s flat is in a relatively old house. I cannot conceive such minimalism and this sort of life together with old houses with soviet niches for pickles in the kitchens.

I easily and surprisingly talked the guy down from 8900 to 8500. Then I wanted to buy his vga cable (i still didn’t know if my problem wasn’t in the cable) for 50rubles but his cable turned out not what i needed, but there was another, dvi-hdmi and i asked if he needed this one and he said not that he needed it, it was just that wasn’t 50rub, whereupon i again felt hostile.

So i packed, tied my laces, shook hands with him, wondered if he would wash his hands after that, and ran out of the house. Then across the railways through the crowds of people going from the metro in the opposite direction, then behind merkury i stopped and stood at the bus stop. Waited 25 minites for the 93 bus. Got frostbitten as fuck. On the bus almost passed out for the cold, weariness and my hair’s greasiness. I was approaching 24hours of my wakefulness, and the year its coldest night. Ran home over slippery snowy ruts like an idiot, forgetting all about what i was carrying and that a fall would cost me a pension. Neither did I buy a chicken like i had planned. That’s all, enough of graphomania for today, must read macbeth. Wonder if it is again about somebody’s jealous paranoia.

======================================

19 01 19 – пример моих вопросов и сообщений на форумы изучующих инглиш

( – один из моих вопросов на форум подсказывальщиков по грамматике – )

Suppose i’m writting a long story where events take place in houses in a few several streets. For instance, Oxford-street, Milton street. For the characters in the story these names long ago became just names of the places. In my native language we say «I am at Milton» meaning I am at my home which is in Milton street. Or «I’m returning back to Milton», meaning I’m returning home (which is in the Milton street), or to my friend’s who lives in this street. I mean we do not use the additional word «street». And we say «I am AT Milton [street]», not «I am IN…» Because we perceive it as a place, like «I am AT the square», «I am AT the hotel». So my first question is am I right to choose «at» instead of «in» when by saying «I am at the Milton street» I mean that I am presently at my home which is in the Milton street? The second question is: can I omit, like in my native language, this word «street» and won’t it (even if all the speakers know that the poet has nothing to do with my phrase) rather suggest that «I am at Milton’s» (as if Milton is my friend and I am presently a guest at his home)? Maybe the determiner «the» is needed? «I am at the Milton». I myself read much but do not remember omittances of words «street», or «St.». But I really do not feel like writing these words in my own stories, because I deal with too many places and all of them are originated from the names of streets, or names of famous neighbouring places. For instance there is one neighbourhood where there are famous lakes and because of these lakes this neighbourhood is called just «Lakes» (or «The Lakes»? ). So do I need to use the determiner «The»? And what prepositions do I need to use when I say that I am presently at somebody’s home in this neighbourhood (suppose at my friend’s home who lives there)? The same «in»? «I am IN The Lakes»? Or «I am AT The Lakes»? But mind that I mean to convey not just that I am presently in the neighbourhood, but at my/friend’s home which is in this neighbourhood. Both I and the listener know that by «I am at The Lakes» I am saying that I am not just somewhere in this neighbourhood, but at particularly somebody’s home in this neighbourhood. In a like manner, many names of places in my narrative originate from the names of railway stations, plants. For instance «The North Railway Station» produces the short name «North» for the whole neighbourhood of it or for my home if it is near The North Railway Station. But for English speakers «I am at North» conveys, I guess, a very different idea.

If all those my phrases are impossible in English and can in no way mean what I want them to mean, maybe at least somebody could explain how in English can I otherwise shorten all such long phrases («I am at my home which is in Milton street» / «I am at my home which is near The North Railway Station»)? Thanks in advance.

******

( – ниже это на другой форум, русский видимо – )

На английск

вот щас ровно учу 4 года, небольше неменьше. ничё не могу скзать до сих пор. максемум симпл инглиш уровня школьника. ничего не могу пересказать (пробавал пересказывать дапустем то чё четаю) вобще никакого прогресса кроме того что всё легче понимаю шекспиров. я поэтому их и читаю патаму что легче и вроде понтово. типа пусть вы все гаварите и с2 получаете а я зато шекспира смог бы в театрах сматреть. еслеб жил в англее. я хател узнать может в питере гдето шекспира в орегенале ставят, в поисках ответа написал админу того паблека другой английский. он мне не ответил. ну я и перестал заходить в его паблик. паблик который с матершинником беовульфом получше будет, а тот там наверое совсем уже поехал на глаголах.