Илья Франк - Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения (ASCII-IPA)

As the amazed (пораженный) newcomer (вновь прибывший) watched (смотрел, наблюдал) , the man repeated this (повторил это) twice more (еще дважды) . Finally (в конце концов) the man asked (человек спросил) if he could have a pill (можно ли ему съесть пилюлю = таблетку) . The flier (летун) said it was his last one (сказал, что у него есть, осталась одна последняя) .

The man offered (предложил) five hundred dollars (500 долларов) to no avail (безрезультатно) , so he made a final offer (он сделал последнее предложение) of a thousand dollars (1000 долларов) . The man said that it was all he had on him (это все, что у него есть: «имеет при себе») .

The flier reluctantly gave in (неохотно уступил; to give in — уступать; сдаваться) , took the cash (взял деньги) , surrendered (уступил) the pill, and turned back to the bar (вернулся к барной стойке) . The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death (только чтобы разбиться насмерть) . The bartender walked over (приблизился) to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass (вытирая стакан) , said, "You sure are mean (ты точно противный, злой = какой же ты противный) when you're drunk (когда ты пьян) , Superman (Супермен) ."

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."

It is all I have on me.

You sure are mean when you're drunk!

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar (моряк встречает пирата в баре) , and talk turns (и разговор заходит; to turn — свернуть, повернуть/ся/) to their adventures on the sea (об их приключениях в море) . The seaman notes (замечает) that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch (что у пирата деревянная нога; peg — колышек; протез руки; «крюк»; и повязка на глазу) .

The seaman asks (спрашивает) , "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg? (и как же ты заработал деревянную ногу: «как ты кончил с деревянной ногой») "

The pirate replies (отвечает) , "We were in a storm at sea (мы были в море во время шторма) , and I was swept (меня смыло /to sweep-swept-swept — сносить, смывать (волной)/) overboard (за борт) into a school (косяк, стая) of sharks (акул) . Just as my men were pulling me out (пока мои ребята меня вытаскивали) , a shark bit my leg off (откусила мою ногу /to bite-bit-bitten — кусать/; to bite off — откусить) ."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook? (а что случилось с рукой; дословно: а что о твоем протезе) "

"Well (ну) ," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship (мы брали на абордаж вражеский корабль) and were battling the other sailors with swords (и сражались с теми моряками на саблях; sword — меч, шпага, сабля ). One of (один из) the enemies cut my hand off (отрезал мою руку /to cut-cut-cut — резать/; to cut off — отрезать) ."

"Incredible! (невероятно) " remarked (заметил) the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch? (а как ты получил повязку на глаз) "

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye (чайка капнула мне в глаз; drop — капля; здесь: помет; /to fall-fell-fallen — падать/) ," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping? (ты потерял свой глаз из-за помета чайки /to lose-lost-lost/) " the sailor asked incredulously (недоверчиво) .

"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook (это был мой первый день с моим протезом) ."

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook?"

"Well," replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch?"

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook."

Incredible!

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours (человек уже пил в баре несколько часов) when he mentioned something about his girlfriend (когда он сказал что-то о своей девушке) , being out in the car (которая была на улице в машине) . The bartender (бармен) , concerned (обеспокоенный) because it was so cold (потому что было так холодно) , went to check on her (пошел проведать ее; to check — проверять) . When he looked inside the car (когда он заглянул в машину) , he saw the man's friend (он увидел друга того человека /to see-saw-seen/) , Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another (целующимися) . The bartender shook his head (он покачал головой /to shake-shook-shaken/) and walked back inside (и вернулся назад; inside — внутрь) .

He told the drunk (он сказал пьяному /to tell-told-told/) that he thought it might be (могла бы быть) a good idea to check on his girlfriend (что он думает, что это была бы неплохая идея — проверить его девчонку) . The fellow (парень) staggered outside to the car (шатаясь, пошел на улицу, к машине) , saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing (увидел своего приятеля и свою девушку целующимися) , then walked back into the bar laughing (и вернулся в бар, смеясь) . "What's so funny? (что смешного) " the bartender asked (спросил) .

"That stupid Dave! (этот тупой, дурак Дэйв) " the fellow chortled (хохотнул, фыркнул) , "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me! (он настолько пьян, что думает, будто он - это я) "

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing. "What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

It might be a good idea to check on your girlfriend.

What's so funny?

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot (человек заходит в бар и заказывает рюмашку) . Then he looks into his shirt pocket (затем заглядывает в карман рубашки) and orders another shot (и заказывает еще выпивку) . After he finishes (после того, как он выпивает; to finish — заканчивать) , he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.

The bartender is curious (любопытный = заинтригован) and asks him (спрашивает его) , "Every time (каждый раз) you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why? (почему, зачем) "

The man replies (отвечает) , "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket (у меня в кармане фотография моей жены) and when she starts to look good, I go home (и когда она начинает хорошо выглядеть, я иду домой) ."

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.

The bartender is curious and askes him, "Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

A man stumbles up (подходит, спотыкаясь) to the only other patron in a bar (к единственному, кроме него, клиенту в баре) and asks if he could buy him a drink (и спрашивает его, не мог бы он купить ему выпить) .

"Why of course (почему бы нет) ," comes the reply (следует ответ) .

The first (первый) man then asks (спрашивает) , "Where are you from? (откуда вы родом) "

"I'm from Ireland (я из Ирландии) ," replies the second man (отвечает второй) .

The first man responds (откликается) , "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! (Что вы говорите! Я тоже из Ирландии) Let's have another round to Ireland (следующий бокал: "другую порцию, еще по кругу" за Ирландию) ."