Павел Миллер - The Power of Time

The bell rang and Max, not talking to anyone, descended to the first floor, got dressed and left to the school porch. During the time of the lesson the yard became all covered with snow, and now, and the peak of the dawn, clean snow was blinding. Inhaling fresh air, Maxim felt slight dizziness and remained still to calm down. Then he stood on the step and started to get down carefully, since the stairs were covered with even layer of snow, fused together, and it was not possible to detect where to step. He recalled the morning thoughts about the footsteps on the snow but already was not paying attention to them, carefully passing paths and roads, playing for time to reach home. He needed to go home to pick up medical documents for visiting the doctor at hospital to check his condition after the surgery.

It was about eleven am when Maxim arrived to the decision to go home, giving himself a promise not to pay attention to what mother was going to say. Staying near the front door, he heard his mother doing laundry, running to the kitchen and rattling pans, managing to cook and do washing at the same time. As Max assumed, she remained in a great mood. He knew very well that his mother, Valentina Nikolaevna, feels herself totally peaceful and free only when she is home alone. Right now he has to break her intimate world again, set her free from the flow of the unnecessary emotions and bank that squall on his life scenario, which was growing more and more dramatic each day and affected Maxim poorly. He did not want to accept that any more, did not want to carry that burden.

Inside everything turned upside down and Max saw abysm in front of himself which had no bottom. Now! Now specifically he needs to avoid this downfall! But how? Nowhere to step on… Dizziness grew stronger and Max opened the door with his key. Mother did not hear the noise that he made; keeping in mind he needed to be at school at that time. Quietly entering the apartment, he looked at his beloved mother who always reacted inadequately at his actions. She was short, alive, energetic and constantly busy with something, strict and always requiring irrecusable submission. Her short hair, thin brows, big eyes, round cheeks, beautiful lips and nose – all her look was not usual and full of charms. Max started to feel hot and took shoes off; then he went to the room, grabbed his medical card and got dressed. At that moment mother noticed him. They both froze and looked at each other as if spotted something ethereal. Laundry machine stopped the cycle, snorted loudly and halted. Valentina Nikolaevna even flinched, but immediately came to life:

– Оh! What are you doing home?

– I came to pick up a medical card to go to hospital.

– Why did not you take it right away? Not to return to school?! What is going on?!

«She is loosing temper already, – thought Maxim. – If I tell her that I failed chemistry, who knows what is going to happen…»

– Which classes did you go to?!

– Literature was cancelled… – Max said quietly and understood that mother already figured out about his grade.

– What was then? What were you asked? What have you got?! I need to get everything out of you again?!

He had time to put shoes on already and tried to leave but mother blocked his way and when he tried to bypass her she pushed him forcefully and started to slash with a cloth on a face, yelling hysterically:

– What did you get?! For how long are you going to humiliate me?!

Maxim did not want to take any action, not even speak, but time was running fast and he, extending a hand for another cloth slash, pulled it away from his mother’s hand and threw in the leaving room, forcing out of himself with a major effort:

– I failed chemistry. Only one class! Are you satisfied? The rest I will fail tomorrow.

He stood up from the pier-glass abruptly, while his mother was standing still, astonished from what she heard, and passed in the narrow way.

"Could I work him to the rage? – Thought Valentina Nikolaevna after he left. At that moment she felt that she does not like to fume herself, but enjoys traumatizing and getting on his nerves. She was astonished at her actions. A very strange feeling. Right now, being a little shocked, she clearly understood it but in the usual condition-never. The door Maxim slammed sobered her mind but Valentina Nikolaevna didn’t even remembered what happen recently.

Leaving the house, Max saw nothing in front of him and his thoughts were very far away. At that time it appeared that everything happening does not depend on him, as if it was a regular event, not a burdensome one. However, why it affects his feelings the way it does he could not explain. Newly precipitated and joyfully crisping snow, fresh frosty air still had some influence on Maxim. Brightening sun light blinded him. Passing near school, he heard sparrows twittering, looked under his feet and noticed that the snow level is already reaching his ankle.

Sky was covered with clouds but in the gaps sunlight was giving warmth and Max hold for a minute trying to calm down. He did not succeed in that thought – tears were trying to break through. At that time he did not want to go anywhere. He grabbed snow and felt coldness, even thought it was not really cold, he just acknowledged that he should be feeling coldness. Hands turned wet and reddish and started to evaporate steam. Young man remembered his return home and another wave of emotions and impressions overwhelmed him, disturbing from clear thinking. He did not remember how he made it to the hospital but when he saw the tall porch he stopped and marvelled the view. It was all powdered with an even layer of snow and appeared ethereal. Maxim lifted his foot carefully, drowned it in the snow, making sure that he stands steadily, and slowly walked up the hospital stairs. Grabbing the door handle he suddenly realized that something was going to happen to him in the hospital: something was warning him of the waylaying danger.

However, putting those thoughts away, Maxim opened the door, entered the hospital and became surrounded by the repelling sultry and unbearable medication smell. Passing the hall and endless lines of people waiting, he was searching for his doctor’s office. Furious mothers who were ready to tear each other in pieces for their child to go first were getting on his nerves enormously. Not slowing down his confident footsteps, he tried to enter the office, boldly elbowing through the crowd of moms and grandmothers. At that time he attracted everyone’s attention. Blocking the office door, one of the most audacious mothers decided to show an example of outstanding courtesy:

– Young man! Where do you think you are going?!

Max was looking at the woman what reminded his mother very much and thought: «I never had so much hatred in my life»! The head stopped spinning but started to ache more, breath fastened, hands turned into fists. He noticed how the expression of woman’s face changed and it became elongated.

– Give me a way, please – Maxim tried to say as calm as possible but it seemed to frighten a woman even more and she remained on her spot.

– Young man! Leave the passage-way, you are blocking it!

Maxim looked at those nervous and unhealthy faces and he felt more and more uncomfortable. It was very unpleasant to hear rude speech. Office door opened, and the overweight woman had to leave her position. Maxim entered the office without procrastination and shut the door at the face of the next patient.

– It is already 2 pm Maxim, why did not you come earlier? You understand that if something happens with you, I shall be responsible for that, – Doctor Vera Petrovna was worried. Her anxiety was so obvious that it was nonsensical to try to conceal it.

– I am very sorry… – Maxim started but at that moment the office door opened and the obese woman broke in with an angry speech:

– What is going on?! I was waiting here from the early morning and still can’t be admitted! For how long is it going to take place?! Young man, why did you enter without waiting in line? I have warned you…

– Ma’am! Leave the office and close the door behind you! Right now! – Loudly but calmly said Vera Petrovna with a lot of confidence so that the woman became dumbfounded and stood frozen. Max started to shake and felt disgust to remain in the hospital, keeping in mind that he could not stand hospitals in general. He had to hold himself not to jab the woman out and said quietly:

– Should I give you assistance? Or you would leave by yourself?

– Don’t waste your own time, – Vera Petrovna continued to explain to the closing door.

After the check-in he ran out of the office and ran in the troubled foreperson of the sick patients. It felt as if he had hit his head on the wall – wave of their emotions and sensed strong pressure, his heat beat fastened again, footsteps became faster. It was as thought he had flied through the crowd of angry people, rushed by humiliation and evil looks that created noise in the head. He made it to the hospital porch, inhaled fresh air, which felt really fresh after the hospital odor and felt that his feet were taking him further, as if the ground had left his feet. Maxim rolled from the porch quickly and could not stand up. All of the sudden the head started to spin and he felt nausea. He could not say for how long he stayed there. When it became cold he moved and tried to stand up but could not do that. Then, grabbing the hospital handrail, Maxim lifted himself with the arm force and touched ground with feet. Standing on the feet appeared very difficult, left foot hurt badly… After some time Max took a look at the porch again. Even the head stopped spinning when he saw that all the steps were covered with thick, even layer of ice!! This is where he traumatized his left foot when he was falling from the porch rolling on those steps… Maxim took an effort to step on the foot and almost fell down, so he grabbed the rails again. Only after he had straightened the foot totally, grinding teeth from the pain, Max limped to the closest house and sat on the bench. He started to sweat, and then felt coldness and thought: «I need to go home, even thought that is the last thing I want to do».

– One, two… Open your eyes!

In front of Svetlana’s eyes strange figures were moving, which meaning she could not recognize. She felt awkward lightness, like she had no body and couldn’t sense hands and legs. It felt good, comfortable, and thoughts didn’t torture her. Freedom carried her away on the wings and showed infinity of its capabilities. Svetlana enjoyed the feeling of lightness and purity when nothing drags you down, doesn’t immobilize movements. However, at the same time she understood that lack of feelings was there more then anything else, like the surrounding emptiness inside and outside… Suddenly she felt shaking in her hands, feet and all over the body. After some time, she realized: "I am laying and I am cold!" Pain which appeared out of nowhere was languishing and she was quietly moaning not being able to move. She was thirsty and had no strength to open eyes.

– How is she feeling? – asked the surgeon who came in the room and looked at Svetlana.

– She does not move much. Breathing. Don’t worry, we are keeping an eye on her and if something happens we will let you know right away, – livened up the patients.

– Hmm, she is not gaining consciousness for quite a long time, – said the doctor checking pulse and looking at the clock. – Was she talking today?

– No, but she was mumbling. The meaning of her mumbling is clear, as thought you are going through something with her, but what is not known.