Egor Ouzikov - Fairy Tales Kazochki

Peacock-Meacock said:

«I am more beautiful than any bird-mird in the world. All the colours ofmy tail shimmer-glimmer. And you are grey and ugly.»

The heron replied:

«But I’m the most terrible beast on the ground and in the skies, while all you do is parade on a dung heap like a wild boar.»

Peacock-Meacock realized all his absurdity, and said:

«Well, we’ll see when you come to me in the winter for acorns!»

One ship sailed around the world and was on its way home. The entire crew was on the deck.

Among the people, a large monkey was fooling around and amusing everyone as only she could. She jumped on a twelve-year old boy, the captain’s son, tore off his hat and briskly climbed the mast. Everyone laughed, and the boy began to cry. The boy wanted to catch the monkey, but she climbed to the top ofthe mast, took off the hat and began to tear it into small pieces with her claws and teeth.

«You won’t get away from me!» shouted the boy and ran to complain to his father. Someone in the crowd gasped in fear.

At this time, the ship’s captain came out of the cabin. He carried a rifle for shooting gulls. He saw the monkey on the mast and immediately took aim and shouted: «Jump! Jump into the water now! Or I shoot!»

The monkey staggered, but did not understand. «Jump or I shoot! One, two…» And as soon as the father shouted «Three!» the monkey swung her head down and jumped. Suddenly someone shouted from the deck «Shark!!!» and we all saw the back of the sea monster in the water.

«Come back! Come back! Shark!!!» cried the captain. But the monkey did not hear and was falling down faster than ever.

The captain, pale as a sheet, was motionless and stared at the monkey. The monkey at first did not hear what he shouted and did not see the shark, but once she saw it, we heard a piercing shriek. The squeal sound brought the captain back to reality. He jumped up and ran to the mortar gun. He loaded it, turned the trunk, lay the gun, aimed and took the wick.

All of us on the ship were like one, frozen with fear and waiting for what will happen next.

As soon as the monkey’s body touched the water, a bang rang out, and we saw that the captain fell down beside the mortar and covered his face with his hands.

He cried.

We do not know what happened to the shark or the monkey, for the smoke blinded our eyes.

A little boy lived in the city and one day came back home to the village for the holidays. As his family sat down for porridge, the boy said:

«What kind of nice, fat and brown porridge you have – my spoon won’t fall in such porridge. This doesn’t happen in my host’s house.»

His mother said softly:

«It’s not porridge, son… it’s shit.»

And she lowered her tired eyes.

One Indian had an elephant. The master fed him poorly and gave him a lot of work.

One day the elephant became angry and stomped on his master with his foot.

The Indian died.

A man went out in the middle of the night to the back yard to have a quiet pee. He did not want to go far, so he stood quietly peeing directly from the porch.

The dog smelled it and started barking. The master took a piece of bread and gave it to the dog. The dog did not take the bread, but instead ran to the master and started biting his legs.

«Why did you bite me? I gave you a piece of bread,» the man said.

«I wouldn’t have bitten you had you not offered me bread. I did not know if you were a good or bad person, but now I know that you’re an evil person because you wanted to bribe me.»

The wolf sees a goat grazing on a rocky mountain and he can’t get to her.

The wolf asks the goat: «Why don’t you come down, goat? The is more space here for you to graze, and the grass is much sweeter.»

The goat replied: «Why don’t you fuck yourself, asshole…»

It happens often that when a fire happen in a big city, children remain in their homes and they won’t go out because they will hide in fear and stay silent. And it is impossible to rescue them from smoke.

In London, dogs have been trained just for this occasion. These dogs have large eyes that can see everything.

These dogs live with firefighters, and when a fire happens the firefighters send the dogs to rescue children.

One such dog in London saved twelve children. His name was Bob.

Once upon a time, an orphanage house came on fire. When firefighters arrived to the house, a woman ran to them. She cried and said that a one-year old girl was still in the house.

So, they sent Bob to rescue the girl.

Bob ran up the stairs, disappeared in the smoke, and soon he ran out with something in his mouth. When the crowd saw what he was carrying, they all laughed. He was carrying a large doll.

The girl, unfortunately, had already burn

The son came from the big city to visit his father in a small village.

The father said:

«Today were are haymaking. Take a sledgehammer and come help me.»

But the son did not want to work, so he said:

«I studied sciences and forgot all the stinking peasant words. What is a sledgehammer?»

But as he walked through the yard, he stepped on a sledgehammer.

It hit him in the forehead. He immediately remembered what a sledgehammer was.

Clutching his forehead, he said:

«And what kind of an idiot dropped a sledgehammer here!?»

Father replied:

«Asks the idiot, idiot!»

And then they started to spar violently.

Sylvester Ksenofontov lived as a widower from his third little wife Alyonushka in a house built on bread and blood by his father, also a widower, Ksenofont.

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