Robert Sheckley - Legend of Conquistadors

"I had no such thought," Drax said. "I have always believed the supposed drawbacks of drugs are greatly exaggerated."

"But you do not use them yourself?"

"Our god forbids them to us."

"And when did that begin?"

"The taboo began the day your ships appeared in our sky."

"Interesting .... Well, just as well. The stuff's too good for the underclass."

Drax bowed his head in the servile manner he was growing accustomed to.

"But the reason I asked to see you, my men have been reporting that their local temples are almost empty of drugs."

"Not even the greatest pile is inexhaustible."

"We want you and your people to give us more."

"There is no more."

"Then have your people get out there and grow some."

"We tried that, to no avail. No narcotic plant has grown on our planet since your arrival."

"And you attribute this to your god?"

"I suspect it's his way of doing things."

"People like me and my men are not going to be conquered by a lack of narcotics!"

Drax cringed and nodded. Eduardo remained sitting on the couch, his eyes fixed on nothingness. Drax noticed that Eduardo's hands were trembling slightly. Seeing that it was an opportune moment, Drax retired.

Nothing changed, life went on, but suddenly, everything changed. Earth historians have theorized that the conquerors had been buoyed up by their own exploits, and by the drugs that made them feel good, better, best.

Suddenly all that was no more, and now there was an almost palpable gloom hanging over the invaders. The Earth and its peoples lived on quietly under their overlordship. Grain, vegetables, animals, fish, all flourished. All plants grew, except for the narcotic-producing ones. Life was quiet, and very tame. There were no new lands to conquer. Not on this planet at any rate.

And so, very suddenly, in one of those vagaries that are the bewilderment of learned men everywhere, the marauders voted en masse to pack up and move on to the next world, fresh glory, more conquests, and the next drug.

And Eduardo, who was as good a politician as he was a warrior, had no choice but to follow the people's whim.

Drax was there when Eduardo walked to his spaceship, the last to take to the skies.

At the gangplank, Drax said, "Pleasant voyage, king, and great deeds ahead of you."

Eduardo looked sour. He said to Drax, "I don't know what you or your god did, but you tricked us. I'm sure of it. I still don't know why all my men want to leave this place. It's something you did. I really ought to kill you before I go."

But Drax had an answer. He said, "If you did that, who would see to raising your statue, building your temple, and clearing the sacred grounds? Who else but I would prepare things so my people could worship you as a god?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Eduardo said. He looked a little more cheerful. "I am a god. I fought your god and won. Put that on the statue!"

"The one who wins is the one who sets the rules. Our god says, 'He who laughs last laughs best.' Have a nice new conquest, Eduardo. But remember, while you were here on Earth, you merely occupied territory for a while. That's not the same as winning."