Yury Gurkov - Note: To read before the wedding

Couple dozen examples are waiting for you ahead. They will show you that the absence of such an assessment of a husband or a wife has led to varying degrees of consequences, which are difficult to call the little nothings of life. It is rather a disaster, disappointment, bitter crust from the sweet expectation of splendid and delicious daily communication with your loved one.

When we visit doctors, we heed a piece of their advice and recommendations on how to preserve health. Their words are very important for us, we follow them as if they are primary rules. We stop eating fat or reduce alcohol, do not overstrain the heart or vice versa – start to run, swim.

The wrong choice of the husband – it is also a disease, but not the disease of the body, but rather the «soul». It is painful to see how young and enamoured people get married very hasty or being frivolous acquainted with each other. Their future is too predictable – divorce, shock, anger towards the opposite sex and other «symptoms». Please promise yourself to hunt down a question how should be analyzed, considered and weighed long and happy family relationships before the wedding bouquet.

So, how does it all start? You know, it starts very simply and in most cases it is the same scheme: "Look, he is so smart!" – we say to ourselves. Of course, appearance is our advertising packaging, on which we «bite» like a fish on tasty bait. This is what we "sell and buy". Many of us have married on «packing», not having looked under it, believing, that if packing is flamboyant, beautiful and appetizing, then the content would be necessarily good.

And it was only you so lucky to meet this guy, to notice, that he is not such as all. Only he stirs yours heart of over meetings and after them. And then, after families break up, a lot of people, growing up, say the same phrase: "Now I would never marry him." Because I thought I knew him, but I married a "packing." This comparison will help you to double-check if you really know the person with whom you are going to live your life, to bear and raise children, wait for grandchildren. Is he really that one who he says is? What is there – under the "packing"?

BEAUTY INTOXICATES AND STUPEFIES THE MIND. WHILE TALKING CLOSER (INSTEAD OF A KIND, OPEN, CARING PERSON) YOU CAN OFTEN SEE A SPOILED, CAPRICIOUS, SELFISH NATURE. LIVE WITH SUCH A PERSON IN THE MARRIAGE IS CLOSER TO PUNISHMENT THAN TO PLEASURE.

A beautiful face attracts and tempts the imagination, we couldn't help but feel the joy of a lovely and regular features. Behind the beautiful face we expect to see a beautiful person in everything: a girl wants to see her Prince, a guy – his Princess. A girl will involuntarily trust more a guy with a beautiful face and she will probably easily forgive weaknesses. It would only be necessary to look once again at the bright face of the beloved Prince. So do guys, who are dreaming of the most beautiful girls. They are ready to ignore a lot of things, to lavish her with hyper-court and sometimes hyper-gifts in order to have this beauty next to him. Beauty intoxicates and stupefies the mind. While talking closer (instead of a kind, open, caring person) you can often see a spoiled, capricious, selfish nature. Live with such a person in the marriage is closer to punishment than to pleasure. You should know about this mistake. You should learn how to correct it from a young age, no later than in elementary school, so that the child learns to appreciate not only the external beauty, but more the inner world, so that appearance does not give rise to «discounts» in the evaluation of a person.

"Prettiness makes no pottage" – is a grotesque, in which we can find a great sense, – the appearance is not the most important thing and is anything but not the key point in family relations. It can be noted that people with ordinary, not the most attractive appearance and figure are much more likely to be ‘real’ people with manifestations of sensitivity, mutual respect, patience, care and tenderness. Give your network a second glance and you will find such people. Compare them with those who are considered as bright, extremely attractive, with delicate figure. And soon you will notice that communication with them is much better and comfortable. Even the classical values are sometimes higher in those who are on the «second» plan. These kinds of features are needed for a wonderful relationship of spouses.

That is why young girls still ask questions: "Why such a handsome man goes with a stout girl without hair and makeup?" Or vice versa, the gorgeous blonde with a huge smile on her face accompanies a man whose wealth is visible in all his gestures including a half-meter waist. Excluding the most obvious – an interest in money which has now become a "trump card", such a relationship can be the answer to the question: "With whom is it better? With a handsome man or with an ordinary guy?".

Does prettiness make a pottage? No. Get stuck only on the beautiful and slender? Not either. While you are thinking about the answers on these rhetorical questions, you can also remember another adage – "slow and steady wins the race".

There is one long – standing and extremely popular mistake of young girls when they are in a hurry to get married – to finish drawing the image of their beloved in their heads. This happens at an early stage of dating, when the girl pays attention to the guy, and he managed, in return, to make a first impression. The girl so much likes his appearance! And the ‘helpful’ amorousness appears out of nowhere and gives the girl the brush and the easel. And here we can see an amazing transformation from the most ordinary guy to a real Prince. The best Prince in the world, by the way.

One of the young women said that she had never been officially married. Having given birth to a daughter in the same state (not married), she continued to look for a husband. And then one day on a walk she met a young father with a child and, as it turned out, he was raising a child without wife. He was good-looking, and his body was close to perfect, because he was a bodybuilder. It is obvious that our heroine could not help but paid attention to him. But she was too ‘hungry’ for the husband and in just six weeks of dating she managed to fall head over heels in love with him. In Russia we sometimes say "fall in love without memory" which means – be hopelessly in love. "He told good things about marriage and family" – was all she remembered about his positive characteristics. She could not remember anything else! Then she drew up in her head how good he was in everything and what a wonderful husband he would be for her and a father to their children. Now, after she has learned how to reason and evaluate her own actions a little, she said: "I think that it was very stupid." I fell in love so much that then I experienced a long depression. I considered what had happened as a collapse. When the guy found out that she was older than him, he abruptly lost interest and "ran away". Such mistakes are made by a lot of people, complementing the image of a guy with desirable qualities, which sometimes are not even close to the reality. This embellishing in pink glasses is forced by many desires – to be in love, to be loved, to get married or just have your own man.

These situations are everywhere and they are very frequent, especially with young people. Of course it is natural not only for youth. Some ladies and gentlemen who are already older than 18 years can also try to complete the picture of their crushes. Such people can join a group of ‘artists’. Why are they ‘artists’? First of all, because, knowing almost nothing about a person, having no time to understand or having no experience due to age or mental state, such great ‘artists’ embellish the image of a loved one. They finish the ‘picture’ of their beloved ones in their own heads automatically. And it happens sometimes after 2–3 bouquets of flowers or one good evening together or hanging around a month or two or after chatting in WhatsApp. They redraw in their dreams a picture of a real person to the perfect one or to the one that is very good from all sides and in all spheres.

KNOWING ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT A PERSON, HAVING NO TIME TO UNDERSTAND OR HAVING NO EXPERIENCE DUE TO AGE OR MENTAL STATE, SUCH GREAT ‘ARTISTS’ EMBELLISH THE IMAGE OF A LOVED ONE.

And now, he is kind, beautiful, caring, calm and generous, the best groom ever! If you have a smile on your face now, then there is no point in continuing to tell that this is not so easy and that all girls like to embellish.

Those people who with patience, intelligence and effort create an ideal man for themselves bit by bit in their minds can be called such ‘artists’. They met a real person with his or her own pros and cons, he or she might be ‘a loser’ or even mentally and spiritually disassembled. But these ‘artists’ draw all the missing features. Those people are ‘artists’ who help him or her to be happy, successful in marriage and career, revealing his talents. Who tell them “you are my help – mate in everyday life”, “You are so helpful in raising children”, so that this (embellished in the head) person feels like he or she is the head of the family, even if this is not quite true.

There is no serious reason to make such an exhaustive and beautiful «portrait» of a guy for a short period of time. Especially if you know that he gave his hand a couple of times when you were going down the stairs or present you your favorite perfume or a box of sweets/ chocolates or even worse – writes that he misses you and thinks about you constantly.

Naturally, each guy will have his own advantages. The main mistake is that people always cling to what they see. Lovers stop «seeing» and looking for flaws, but they must get acquainted with them, and in perfect way – before the wedding.

Please, be honest with yourself and stop finishing the image of your beloved one. And please stop suffering even knowing nothing in fact about your “hero” and ‘best man’ from all sides. And if you have a relationship in full swing or it has just begun – there is time and a lot of obligatory steps that will be described in this book. Let the brushes and bright colors lie down for a while, it is time to make detailed sketches of all the «cracks» and bends of your date but now only in pencil.

Women who have married for the first time at the age of 18 are unanimous in one thing – it was "too early" and their own opinion – “I was stupid then, I did not know life”. And guys too, in many ways in 18 still have many childish and infantile habits for serious relationships. Parents of such children are often the first to see the sharp corners in the relationships of the young and with great caution go with them to the registry office, hoping that everything just is going to work out. Both – the girl and the boy – grow up being in marriage, change a lot and become real adults. Now they are obliged to get used to new manifestations of each other, sometimes to such which were not visible at all at the beginning of their married life. This is the period at the beginning of family life after marriage, when youthful ideas about love, relationships, mutual giving to each other break down reality.