Илья Франк - Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

The Pilot, between flights (пилот между полетами) , overheard (подслушал /to hear-heard-heard/) that, and said, "I'll tell you what (вот что я вам скажу) , I'll take you up flying (я возьму вас полетать) , and if you don't say a word the ride is on me (и если вы не произнесете ни слова, поездка на мне) , but if you utter one sound (но, если вы издадите /хоть/ один звук) , you pay ten dollars (вы платите 10 долларов) .

So off they flew (и они взлетели) . The Pilot doing as many rolls (пилот проделывал столько "бочек": roll — свиток, сверток; авиац. «бочка» — двойной переворот через крыло) and dives (и пикирований; dive — ныряние; to dive — нырять) as he could — heading to the ground (сколько мог — направляясь в землю) as fast as the plane could go (так быстро, как самолет мог лететь) and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second (и выходил из пикирования прямо в самую последнюю секунду) . Not a word (ни слова) . Finally he admitted defeat (наконец он признал поражение) and went back the airport (и вернулся в аэропорт) .

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything? (я удивлен, почему вы ничего не сказали) "

"Well I almost said something (ну, я чуть не сказал что-то) when Sue fell out (когда Сью выпала) , but ten dollars is ten dollars."

Sue and Bob, a pair of tight wads, lived in the Midwest, and had been married years. Bob had always want to go flying. The desire deepen each time a barn stormer flew into town to offer rides. Bob would ask, and Sue would say, "No way, ten dollars is ten dollars."

The years went pay, and Bob figured he didn't have much longer, so he got Sue out to the show, explaining, it's free to watch, let's at least watch.

And once he got there the feeling became very strong. Sue and Bob started an argument.

The Pilot, between flights, overheard, listened to they problem, and said, "I'll tell you what, I'll take you up flying, and if you don't say a word the ride is on me, but if you utter one sound, you pay ten dollars.

So off they flew. The Pilot doing as many rolls and dives as he could — heading to the ground as fast as the plane could go, and pulling out of the dive at just the very last second. Not a word. Finally he admited defeat and went back the airport.

"I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?"

"Well I almost said something when Sue fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."

No way.

I'm surprised, why didn't you say anything?

At a local coffee bar (в местной кофейне) , a young woman (молодая женщина) was expounding on her idea (разъясняла, излагала свою идею; expounding [ǝksˈpaundɪŋ]) of the perfect mate to some of her friends (об идеальном муже кому-то из своих подруг) .

"The man I marry (человек, за которого я выйду) must be a shining light amongst company (должен быть светочем: «сияющим светом» в обществе: «среди общества») . He must be musical (он должен быть музыкальным) . Tell jokes (рассказывать анекдоты) . Sing (петь) . And stay home at night! (и оставаться дома ночью, вечером) "

An old granny overheard and spoke up (старушка услышала и заговорила) , "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV! (дорогая, если это все, что ты хочешь, купи телевизор) "

At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.

"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night!"

An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!"

Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!

A boy is about to go on his first date (парень собирается идти на свое первое свидание) , and is nervous about what to talk about (и волнуется, о чем говорить) . He asks his father for advice (он просит у своего отца совета; advice [ǝdˈvaɪs]) .

The father replies, "My son, there are three subjects that always work (мой сын, есть три темы, которые всегда "работают"; subject [ˈsʌbdʒɪkt]) .

These are food, family, and philosophy (это еда, семья и философия; philosophy [fiˈlɔsǝfɪ]) ."

The boy picks up his date (встречается со своей "девушкой" /date означает и свидание, и человека, с которым у вас свидание/) and they go to a soda fountain (и они идут к автомату с газировкой; fountain [ˈfauntɪn]) . Ice cream (мороженое; ice — лед, cream — сливки) sodas in front of them (перед ними) , they stare at each other for a long time (они смотрят (пристально) друг на друга долго) , and the boy's nervousness builds (и нервозность парня растет) . He remembers his father's advice (он вспоминает отцовский совет) , and chooses the first topic (и выбирает первую тему) .

He asks (спрашивает) the girl, "Do you like spinach? (ты любишь шпинат; spinach [ˈspɪnɪdʒ]) " She says "No," and the silence returns (и тишина возвращается; silence [ˈsaɪlens]) .

After a few more uncomfortable minutes (несколькими неуютными = неловкими минутами позже; uncomfortable [ʌnˈkʌmf(ǝ)tǝbl]; minute [ˈmɪnɪt]) , the boy thinks of his father's suggestion (думает об отцовском совете; to suggest [sǝˈdʒest] - предлагать, советовать) and turns to the second item on the list (и переходит ко второму пункту списка; item [ˈaɪtǝm]) . He asks, "Do you have a brother? (у тебя есть брат) " Again (опять) , the girl says "No" and there is silence once again (и снова тишина) .

The boy then plays his last card (затем разыгрывает свою последнюю карту) . He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following (следующий) question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach? (если бы у тебя был брат, он бы любил шпинат) "

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies, "My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy."

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy's nervousness builds.

He remembers his father's advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl, "Do you like spinach?" She says "No," and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father's suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, "Do you have a brother?" Again, the girl says "No" and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father's advice and asks the girl the following question: "If you had a brother, would he like spinach?"

Do you like spinach?

When I was younger I hated going to weddings (когда я была моложе, я ненавидела "хождение" на свадьбы) ; it seemed (мне казалось) that all of my aunts (что все мои тетушки; aunt [a:nt]) and the grandmotherly types (и "бабушки", женщины типа бабушек) used to come up to me (подходили ко мне; to use — использовать, употреблять; иметь обыкновение /что-либо делать — только по отношению к прошлому/) , poke me in the ribs (тыкали мне в ребра) and cackle (кудахтали) , "You're next (ты следующая) ."

They stopped that kind of thing (они перестали /делать/ подобные вещи) after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals (после того, как я начала делать то же, ту же вещь с ними на похоронах) .

When I was younger I hated going to weddings; it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle, "You're next."

They stopped that kind of thing after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

You're next.

A bum asks a man for $2 (попрошайка просит у человека 2$) .

The man asked, "Will you buy booze? (ты купишь спиртного) "

The bum said (сказал) , "No."

The man asked, "Will you gamble it away? (проиграешь /в карты/) "

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me (пойдешь домой со мной) so my wife can see (так моя жена может увидеть) what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble? (что происходит с человеком, который не пьет и: «или» не играет в карты) "

A bum asks a man for $2.

The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum said, "No."

The man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

A man dies and goes to Heaven (мужчина умирает и отправляется в рай: «в небеса»; Heaven [ˈhevn]) . He gets to meet God (он попадает на встречу с Богом) and asks God if he can ask him a few questions (и просит у Бога разрешения задать ему несколько вопросов) .

"Sure," God says (конечно, говорит Бог) , "Go right ahead (начинай, давай /действуй/: "иди прямо вперед") .

"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty? (зачем ты сделал женщин такими хорошенькими) "

God says, "So you would like them (чтобы они вам нравились) ."

"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful? (но как "случилось", что ты сделал их такими красивыми) "