Илья Франк - Английский шутя. Английские и американские анекдоты для начального чтения

After checking the couple out (после проверки пары) , the doctor tells them that they were physically okay ( доктор говорит им, что физически они в порядке) but might start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things (но могут начать записывать "вещи" и писать записки, чтобы помочь им запомнить /некоторые/ вещи) . The couple thanked the doctor and left (пара поблагодарила доктора и ушла /to leave-left-left — покидать/) .

Later that night while watching TV (позже тем же вечером, смотря телевизор) , the old man got up from his chair (старик встал со стула) and his wife asks (и его жена спрашивает) , "Where are you going? (куда ты идешь) "

He replies, "To the kitchen (на кухню) ."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? (ты не принесешь мне порцию мороженого; bowl — чашка) "

He replies, "Sure (конечно) ."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it? (ты не думаешь, что тебе нужно это записать, чтобы ты смог это запомнить) "

He says, "No, I can remember that (нет, я могу это запомнить) ."

She then (затем) says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top (ну, еще, я хотела бы несколько клубничек сверху) . You'd better write that down 'cause I know you'll forget that (тебе бы лучше это записать, потому что я знаю, ты это забудешь) ."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top (взбитые сливки наверху; whip — кнут, хлыст; to whip — хлестать; взбивать) . I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice (с раздражением в голосе) , he says, "I don't need to write that down (мне не нужно то записывать) , I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen (он затем испаряется на кухню) .

After about 20 minutes (через, примерно, двадцать минут) he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs (он возвращается из кухни и протягивает ей тарелку с беконом и яйцами) .

She stares at the plate for a moment and says (она смотрит на тарелку с секунду и говорит) , "You forgot my toast (ты забыл мой тост) ."

An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor's, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory.

After checking the couple out, the doctor tells them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asks, "Where are you going?"

He replies, "To the kitchen."

She asks, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

He replies, "Sure."

She then asks him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?"

He says, "No, I can remember that."

She then says, "Well, I also would like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down 'cause I know you'll forget that."

He says, "I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

She replies, "Well, I also would like whip cream on top. I know you will forget that so you better write it down."

With irritation in his voice, he says, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that." He then fumes into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes he returns from the kitchen and hands her a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, "You forgot my toast."

Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?

Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home (три старика сидят на веранде дома для престарелых) . The first says (первый говорит) , "Fellas (парни /небрежно/; fellow — парень) , I got real problems (у меня серьезные проблемы) . I'm seventy years old (мне семьдесят) . Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate (каждое утро в семь часов я встаю и пытаюсь помочиться) . All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps (мне дают все виды лекарств = самые разные лекарства, но ничего не помогает) ."

The second (второй) old man says, "You think you have problems (ты думаешь, у тебя проблемы) . I'm eighty years old (мне восемьдесят) . Every morning at 8:00 (каждое утро в восемь) I get up and try to move my bowels (я встаю и пытаюсь покакать: «двинуть мои кишки») . I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps (они дают мне все типы лекарств; stuff — материал, вещество, часто употребляется в значении "все такое"; но ничего не помогает) ."

Finally the third old man speaks up (наконец, третий старик заговаривает) , "Fellas, I'm ninety years old (мне девяносто) . Every morning at 7:00 sharp (ровно; sharp - острый; точно, ровно) I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up (просыпаюсь) ."

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas, I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

I got real problems.

They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps.

Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up.

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary (пара идет на ужин отметить свою пятидесятилетнюю годовщину свадьбы; anniversary [ǝnɪˈvǝ:(r)s(ǝ)rɪ]) . On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye (по дороге домой она замечает слезу в его глазу) and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together (и спрашивает, не потому ли он расчувствовался, что они отмечают 50 чудесных лет вместе) .

He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married (нет, я думал о времени перед тем, как мы поженились) . Your father threatened me with a shotgun (твой отец угрожал мне ружьем: to shoot /shot-shot/ - стрелять + gun — ружье) and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years (и сказал, что он бросит меня в тюрьму на 50 лет /to throw-threw-thrown/) if I didn't marry you (если я не женюсь на тебе) . Tomorrow I would've been a free man! (завтра я был бы свободным человеком) "

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

I was thinking about the time before we got married.

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years (пожилая вдова и вдовец встречались около пяти лет) . The man finally decided to ask her to marry (мужчина наконец решил просить ее руки) . She immediately said "yes" (она тут же сказала "да"; immediately [ɪˈmi:djǝtlɪ] - немедленно) .

The next morning when he awoke (на следующее утро, когда он проснулся; to awake) , he couldn't remember what her answer was! (он не мог припомнить, каков был ее ответ) "Was she happy? (она была счастлива = рада) I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny… (кажется, подождите, нет, она смотрела на меня странно; fun — веселье, забава; funny — забавно; странно) "

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail (после часа бесполезных попыток вспомнить; avail — польза [ǝˈveɪl]) , he gave her a call (он позвонил ей) . Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal (смущенный, он признался, что не помнит ее ответа на предложение; proposal [prǝˈpǝuz(ǝ)l]) .

"Oh," she said, "I'm so glad you called (я так рада, что вы позвонили) . I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was (я помню, что сказала "да" кому-то, но я не могла вспомнить, кто это был) ."

An elderly widow and widower were dating for about five years. The man finally decided to ask her to marry. She immediately said "yes".

The next morning when he awoke, he couldn't remember what her answer was! "Was she happy? I think so, wait, no, she looked at me funny…"

After about an hour of trying to remember to no avail, he gave her a call. Embarrassed, he admitted that he didn't remember her answer to the marriage proposal.

"Oh," she said, "I'm so glad you called. I remembered saying 'yes' to someone, but I couldn't remember who it was."

I'm so glad you called.

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation (две пожилые четы наслаждались дружеской беседой) when one of the men asked the other (когда один из мужчин спросил другого) , "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month? (ну и как "клиника памяти" — т.е.: восстановления памяти), в которую ты ходил в прошлом месяце) "