СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - SOVIET FREAKS. Zvinosetsa zvekufungidzira

© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2019

ISBN 978-5-0050-9382-0

Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero

Kure – kure kumuganhu weichimbova USSR (zvino Kazakhstan) neChina, kumaodzanyemba kwakadziva kumadokero kwedunhu reSemipalatinsk, padyo neguta reAyaguz, rakashandurwa se «Ah nzombe», pakanga paine nzvimbo yekuyedza yenyukireya ine hutachiona hweredhiyo yakawanikwa kubva mukusaitira hanya kwevasayenzi vanoshanda. Munharaunda yese, kutendeuka kwakasiyana kazhinji kwakatanga kuitika, kushanduka kwakasiyana: ipapo misoro miviri ichazvarwa pane imwe mutton muviri; tevere miswe miviri – pagondo kana nyoka; ipapo tsoka nhatu neruoko rumwe, kubva kuna wedzinza waTemujin (Genghis Khan), mugari wemo. Uye zvakaitika kuti vakajairwa vakabarwa, saSparrow Stasyan, semuenzaniso.

Pakange pasina kuremara kwemuviri wake pamuviri wake, zvese zvaive sezvaaifanira kuita: muswe, muromo, maziso uye zvimwe… Zvese zvainge zvakaita seshiri, asi aive nedambudziko netsiva. Chaizvoizvo, pakanga pasina minhenga zvachose, uye aive nemhuru zvachose. Uye saka, kubva pakuzvarwa, iye, hupenyu hwake hwakaoma, akamanikidzwa kushandisa pasi, pakaipisisa pane huku, iyo zvishoma mashoma marata. Asi hapana chakashata kupfuura imwe imbwa kana dhiziri, isina imba kana mbeva… Muchidimbu, vasingatomboenda kudenga, sehama dzavo dzine vhudzi, avo vakamutuka nehasha vachimudana uye vachimunyadzisa, vakashevedzera kubva kumatendere, akatova nematoyi. Uye Stasyan akatomudururira paari – shiri yakanga ichichema ichichema musoro uye ichigwinha mukati memoyo wayo, ichiyerera pakaregedza shiri dzemumwe munhu. Uye zvakadaro zuva rega rega. Asi ainyatsoda kubhururuka zvekuti muhope aive akarara, akaedza kubhururuka kanopfuura kamwe, zvino chokwadi hachisi chiroto uye iye, achisvetukira muJava uye ave muchiroto chekurara, akabhururuka mapapiro ake emhanza zvakare, akasvetuka uye akakwiridzirwa pasi…akatozoitika, achizvirova pahuma yake, ipapo tambo yemuswe. Izvo zvaasina kumboedza, asi hapana chakatsiva minhenga yake.

Pane imwe nguva, zvakangoitika zvakadaro zvakanzwira tsitsi mhanza yakanyoroveswa, uye zvakare, ichitiza katsi ikarasika iyo yaida kumudya, yakawana chitunha chakaora chegunguo. Magonyeti akakwenya mushakabvu mushe, uye minhenga yacho inongo rarira pamupendero pasi padyo nemarara emunhu. Akatora minhenga miviri nemaoko ake ndokukweva semapapiro, uye iye, achitendeukira, akabvisa kubva pasi. Akarota kunge gondo raibhururuka rakakwira kumusoro mudenga uye richitsvaga kara iyi yemhanza pakudya kwekuseni, iye panguva iyoyo akarwisa kuti abate uye aputire murombo murume uya, munhu akaremara akatambura nekuda kwekuedzwa kwepasi kwenyukireya nemayeredhi akasiya muchadenga. Asi akabata minhenga mumawondo ake uye achibatanidza zvigunwe zvake, zvaive zvisingaiti kuti abvise uye aisashandiswa kukwiza mudenga, kunyanya sezvo pakanga pasina muswe weminhenga uye Stasyan aisakwanisa kuendesa, nekudaro, kutendeuka kuruboshwe, kurudyi, kumusoro kumusoro, aifanira kutenderera, kutenderera nemuromo nemufurati wakadzokera kudenga. Ehe, uye haudi kuenda kudivi rechimbuzi. Ini ndaifanira kuita emergency yekumisa, izvo zvakakonzera kukuvara kune dehenya uye muromo, nekuti kazhinji vaidzikisira. Ehe, akadzidza kubhururuka senge kwete kare, kusvika minhenga yabviswa nehama dzake uye akatangazve kurarama, kupona, kutiza nekuhwanda. Asi mukutevera kwakatevera, akawanikwazve, angangoita sepasina kuita sebwe, kunyange kumusoro pasi, uye apora. Asi kamwe Stasyan isina kubudirira kubudirira mune nyowani, yemunhu, isina pekugara, ichiri kudziyirwa, jelly-senge, nyoro-inonhuhwirira chigadzirwa chegastrointestinal turakiti. Mune izwi, mune shit. Iko kunzwa kwacho kwainge kusinga fadze, uye kwaive kwakafanira kushamba, asi pakanga paine kushomeka kwemvura: mushure mezvose, iyo steppe zone. Vanhu vanotora mvura kubva kutsime. Uye rwizi runosvava pakati pechirimo, hakuchavi nemvura kwemimwe mwedzi mitanhatu, zuva ranyura. Tichamirira kusvikira shit yaoma uye yanyangarika yega – Stasyan akafunga nenzwi riri pamusoro uye, kuenda kudivi rakasvibira, akarara kumusana kwake uye akatanga kumirira.

Uye panguva iyoyo, boka renzungu sendove nyoro dzaiswedera padyo, izvo Stasyan akange asina zano nazvo. Aiwa, akaona nhunzi muhupenyu hwake uye akatombovadya, asi akafa chete uye akaoma, semabukira edoro. Vapenyu vaigara vachimutenderedza, kuti arege kuita zvimedu, zveshiri yedumbu rake. Mushure mezvose, shiri dzinozeza dumbu ravo. Uye panguva ino, hwema hwekuputika uye kutarisa kusinganzwisisike, kunge bundu re ndove yemabhiza, akaviga hunhu hwake hwekuvhima seshiri yakadzama, yakakura nhunzi. Roy akadzosera musoro wedhimoni pamusoro pehomwe ndokuita yekumhanyisa masikati, ndokumburuka, asi pakanga pasina. Iyo marara aive akakora pamberi pemeso uye makumbo enhunzi-dzakakara nhunzi dzakanamatira mumuviri wese. Nguva nenguva nhunzi dzakachinjika munzvimbo, zvichidaro kudzivirira matinji adzo pakupedzisira kunamatira kuchikafu. Nhunzi huru, yaingoda kupa mirairo yekushandura nzvimbo, paakamiswa neziso rakavhurika raStasyan, kumberi kwake kwaive kumucheto kwemuromo wake.

– Mira!! Stasyan akabatikana.

– ndiwe ani?? – mutungamiri akabvunza nekuda kwekutya- Ini ndiri tenzi wako, unzwisise?

– Ehe.

– Danwa, muranda wangu!

– mudiwa…

– Sei?

– mudiwa…

– Senior bhururuka Huchi?

– Unogona chete: «bhururuka uchi.»

– Fly Huchi … – Stasyan akadzungudza musoro. – Nei uchi?

– Inotapira iwe, unoziva? Nyuchi dzinopfeka…

– mudiwa, kana chii?

– Mukufunga kwako – Nyuchi, asi mumaonero edu – Nyuchi. Zvakanaka, takatiza…

Nhunzi huru dzakaedza kubvarura mapapiro ayo, asi yakanga yanonoka, uye dzakapeta mapapiro adzo kamwechete, asi simba rekukwira rakabata shiri isingadzvinyiriri, uye yakaziva kuti yaida kusvetuka uye kudzvanya:

– Eureka!!! – uye akasvetuka musana wake kunge ninja. Nhunzi dzakabata rwizi rwemhepo uye dzakatakura murume mhanza pamusoro pevhu. Kubva pamarara riri padyo, katsi imwe chete iyi yakadzedzereka ndokusvetuka yakananga kuimba mhenyu inoshungurudza yebrown inobhururuka.

– Yakakwira, yakakwira, bhururuka uchi Uchi!!! – Stasyan akagwesha, mumutauro waisanzwisisika kuvanhu uye kitsi, asi nhunzi dzakamunzwisisa uye mushure megumi nemashanu wekushamwaridzana navo pavakadya, ivo vakangoteerera mirairo yake, zana rimwe muzana. Saka akave tenzi wenguruve, uye mutungamiriri wavo wekare akatenda nokuzvidira kuti atumirwe pamwe chete nehama dzese kuti kana Herr Stasyan asina kuvaparadza, vagadzirira kumushandira akatendeka. Saka mhanza yakadzivirirwa shiri yakapinda mumapoka eshiri uyezve, zvakare, akatanga kubhururuka kaviri nekukurumidza sehama uye nekumusoro, seZondo chairo.

Gondo rinodada rakabhururuka kudenga ndokuona mukwikwidzi achiswedera kwaari kubva pasi. Pamberi pemusha, hapana aigona uye asina kodzero yekumuka kusvika padanho reZizi, uye izvi …?!? – chete boor uye kusaziva!! – akafunga Eagle uye akabata Stasyan pamusoro nhunzi ne paw yake, akauya nayo kwaari inotyisa, ine simba, miromo mikuru.

– ndiwe ani iwewe??? akakwakuka kunge giramuguru mudenga rose uye akasvinudza meso ake kunge gomo chairo, achipfira mate paburi rinopfungaira cadaverous shiri, chikara, senge muimbi wemakrofoni uye achivhuvhuta kunamatira nhunzi. Nhunzi dzinoverengeka dzakapepetwa pakarepo, pasina paws.

– Yaa? Uh, ndiri izvi… Eagle. – akavhunduka, nezwi rinodedera, Stasyan akapindura. – kunge tei, uh… zvakare chikara.

– Bata kune iye muridzi, isu tinemi!!! – kwaya yakakwakuka nekuzevezera, iyo yakasara hafu yemiriyoni inobhururuka.

– Eagle, kana chii?! Ehe? – Gondo rakavhura muromo wayo, kuti riwane kukwana kwete shiriwo, asiwo nhunzi, dzaisatombo kutya, asi panzvimbo pezvo: rakatetepa maziso avo uye vakanyorova kamwechete.

– Echokwadi ini ndiri Oryol!! – akadanidzira Stasyan ndokuyedza kubuda kubva pasi pemavara emhungu yemudenga. Asi iyo Eagle kubva paudiki, sevacheche vese, yaitya kunhuwa uye shungu yake yekupwanya boro uye munyengeri, yakakundikana. Nhunzi dzakapengeswa neshiri, nesimba radzo rose, mapapiro uye mapfundo akahukura chitsitsinho, makumbo egondo.

– Wah wah wah wah!!! -akaseka zvekumanikidza, chikara chaicho chedenga, nenzvimbo yenzvimbo, ipapo yaisakwanisa kuzvimisikidza nekujekesa mawoko ayo akasimba. Shirige akananga mapfupa emuzongoza ndokutora nzvimbo yekudada.

– Ehe! Ndiri gondo senge iwewe!! – Sparrow yakaumburuka, ichidzikisa izwi rake, octave nemashanu uye yakasvinwa kubva kune controcta.

– Uye chii icho, kukosora? – Orel Stasyan akabvunza zvakadzikama.

– Ruregerero uchibhururuka. Peel, yaipfungaira, mabhero … – yakapindurwa nemakungu, kutamba, shiri.

– Balel, iwe unoti? – uyo anonamira Predator akatsemura chija chake neoko rake repiri. – uye chii chidiki?

– Another parody!! Ehe?! – Pasina kufunga, Stasyan akapindura, apinda zvakazara hushingi hwehunyanzvi.

– Ehe, ndakavezwa zvakare … – pamhanza Eagle. – Uye chii chinonhuwirira? Fuh, yaora? – Highlander akaputira danda rake. – urikutsvaira

– Hapana nzira, oh mukoma wangu mukuru! Ini ndango, a…

.– akazevezera mukuru kubhururuka Nyuchi, ikozvino co-driver. – Iti iwe wakadhonza, ini handina kudya nyowani, yakaora shiti…

chete, idya hotera yakawanda.

– Handidye shit, moron. – Stasyan mutyairi.

– Ndiani, uyu anogogodza kwauri? – Ndakanzwa uye akatsamwa, iro gondo rakanga rakangwara uye rakatarisa kumativi.

– Ini, iyo Nhunzi inobhururuka … – Ini ndaida kuzvisuma, iyo huru uye chete inobhururuka mupakeji, asi shiri yakayambira neyayo mdomo, ichitsetseka kubva kumativi kuenda kune rumwe rutivi, sekuti, nemunwe we index, vana vanorambidzwa kuunza.

– Ndeupi mhando yeupfu iyo meth? Unonzi ani zita rako? – akabvunza Eagle achishamisika.

– Aiwa. Ini ndinonzi Stasyan.

– Stasyan?? MaArmenian kana chii?

– Uye Huchi idumbu rangu. – kutanga yaive shiri.

– Hongu, ini dumbu uye zita rangu Fly Honey, vose muviri nhunzi – murume, uye ini – Women – dumbu, iyo isina ozeyewa chokwadi kuti kudiwa muduku youpenzi. – mukuru nhunzi akagerwa uye akapfiga.

– Zvakanaka, takatyaira… asi chii, hama idiki? – uye iro gondo rinotambanudza chipfuva charo.

– Uye ini … ……

– Izvi zvinonzwisisika, asi chii chisina kukura?

– – Ndakava neupenyu hwakaomarara: Ini ndaive nherera yakatsamwa.

Kazhinji, hupenyu hwese, denga harina kubhururuka. – akachema Stasyan.

– Chii, chinosaswa kubva muchitokisi?

– Zvakanyanya, kubva ku zoo, ndinobva kuAlmaty, asi handizive kupi. – akadaro Stasyan.

– Uye iwe unobhururuka uchienda kuRussia, ivo vanoti hupfumi hwenyika huri kuita nani.

– Uye chii, hausi kuzvibhururuka pachako?

– Me?! Kwete, ndafa, ndodiwa ipapo.

– Nei?

– Oh, pane mazano, ndaivapo kamwe, musi pakasvika akabata oligarchs uye akavharwa Sedendere upenyu kana kuita scarecrow. Uyezve, apa ini ndanga ndatova nemhuri, mwanakomana. Zvakanaka, zvakanaka, hama. – apedza Eagle nedombo, akabva angowira pasi, pakanga paine nzvimbo inofamba pasi. Sezviri pachena: jerboa kana pasi squirrel.

– Uye kubhururuka uye munzira kuenda? shiri duku yakabvunza ichimutevera, asi gondo rakanga ratove kure uye rakanga risingagoni kumunzwa.

– Anoshamisika, hauna kucherechedza pasi pemhino dzako, asi wakaona chimwe chinhu chinokambaira pasi.

Stasyan neiyo bio yake mota pamwe chete vakatarisa gondo. – Zvakanaka, mudiwa, tiri kuenda kupi?