СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - MUTANE SOVIET. Labarin ban dariya

© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2019

ISBN 978-5-0050-9348-6

Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero

Far – nesa da kan iyakar tsohon USSR (yanzu Kazakhstan) da China, a kudu maso gabas na Semipalatinsk yankin, kusa da birnin Ayaguz, an fassara shi da «Oh sa», akwai ƙasa mai gwajin makamin nukiliya tare da yanayin rediyo mai kamuwa da cuta wanda aka samu daga sakaci na masana kimiyya masu aiki. A ko’ina cikin yanayin, maye gurbi daban-daban yakan fara faruwa, maye gurbi daban-daban: sannan za a haifi shugabanni biyu a jiki ɗaya na mutton; to, wutsiyoyi guda biyu – a sautu ko maciji; sannan ƙafa uku da hannuwa ɗaya, daga zuriyar Temujin (Genghis Khan), mazaunin yankin. Kuma ya faru cewa an haife waɗanda ke al’ada, kamar Sparrow Stasyan, misali.

Babu wani lahani a jikinsa, komai yayi kamar yadda yakamata: wutsiya, beke, idanu, da ƙari… Komai ya kasance kamar aya ne, amma yana da matsala da rudewa. Har ila yau, babu gashin fuka-fukai, kuma ya kasance mai baqin ciki. Sabili da haka, daga haihuwa, shi, rayuwarsa mai wahala, an tilasta shi ya ciyar a duniya, ya fi mummunar kaza, waɗanda aƙalla suke fitsara. Amma babu wani mafi sharri fiye da wasu doggie ko mai shayarwa, marasa gida ko linzamin kwamfuta… A takaice, basu taɓa ɗaukar sama ba, kamar danginsu na fuka-fukai, waɗanda ke yi masa ba’a da kira da wulakanci, suna ihu daga mazauna, tuni sun kumbura kawunansu. Kuma ko da Stasyan har ma ya ɓoye maɗaukaki a kansa – ƙwararren baƙuwar ƙasa ya yi baƙin ciki ya ɓoye kansa ya yi ta kuka a cikin ransa, yana malalowa guguwar tsuntsaye ta wani. Sabili da haka kowace rana. Amma da gaske yana son tashi, cewa shi mai yin bacci ne a cikin baccinsa, har ma yake neman kashe fiye da sau daya, to gaskiya ba mafarki bane kuma ya, tsalle cikin Java kuma yana cikin bacci mai bacci, ya sake girgiza fikafikansa fari, tsalle yayi tsalle har ƙasa…da ma ya faru, yana bugun goshin sa, sai kashin wutsiya. Abin da kawai bai yi ƙoƙari ba, amma babu abin da ya maye gurbin gashinsa.

Har yanzu, ƙaddara ta nuna tausayi ga ƙwaryar baƙi, sannan kuma, ya gudu daga wani cakuɗa mai ɓarna wanda yake son ya cinye shi, sai ya riski gawa da hankaka. Tsutsotsi masu tsutsa suna cinye marigayin da kyau, gashinan kuma suna kwance akan kwarangwal a ƙasa kusa da sharar ɗan adam. Ya ɗauki fuka-fukai biyu da na ƙafafunsa da hannu kamar na fuka-fuki, shi kuwa ya juyo, ya cire ƙasa. Ya yi mafarkin yana tururuwa yana tashi sama a cikin sararin samaniya yana bin wannan kuli-kuli mai kumallo don karin kumallo, wanda a wannan lokacin yana ƙoƙarin kama da ɗanɗanar talaka – nakasasshe wanda ya sha wahala daga gwajin gwajin makamin nukiliya tare da juzu’ikan juzu’i a cikin sararin samaniya. Amma rike gashin fuka-fukansa a cikin makullinsa da rungume yatsunsa, ba shi da wahala a cire kuma ba a saba yin amfani da shi ba, musamman tunda babu wutsiya feathery da Stasyan ba zai iya bijirewa ba, don haka ya juya hagu, dama, saman da kasa, dole ne ya sauka, ya juya tare da baki da hurawa sama. Ee, kuma ba ku juye cikin bayan gida ba. Dole na yi saurin sauka, wanda ya haifar da rauni ga kwanyar da baki, tunda galibi suna rage su. Tabbas, ya koyi tashi kamar wannan ba da daɗewa ba, har zuwa lokacin da danginsa suka kwashe gashinsa kuma ya sake rayuwa, yana tsira, yana gudu yana ɓoyewa. Amma a cikin bin na gaba, ya sake komawa, aƙalla wasu ƙanƙanin fuskoki mai-kama, har ma da kicin, ya warkar. Amma da zarar Stasyan ba tare da nasara ba saukowa cikin sabo, ɗan adam, marasa gida, har yanzu dumi, jelly-like, m-smelly samfurin na gastrointestinal fili. A wata kalma, cikin shit. Jin daɗin ba shi da daɗi, kuma ya wajaba don wanka, amma akwai ƙarancin ruwa: bayan duk, yankin yanki. Mutane suna shan ruwa daga rijiyar. Kuma kogin ya bushe a tsakiyar bazara, ba za a sake yin ruwan sama na rabin shekara ba, rana ce zenith. Dole ne mu jira har sai shit ɗin ya bushe ya shuɗe da kansa – Stasyan yayi zurfin tunani kuma, zuwa gefen rana yana kwance, ya kwanta a bayansa ya fara jira.

Kuma a wancan lokacin, kwari mai ɗorewa na kore suna gab da kusantowa, wanda Stasyan bai da masaniya game da shi. A’a, ya ga kwari a rayuwarsa har ma ya ci, amma ya mutu kawai ya bushe, kamar busasshen giya. Masu rai suna yawan zaga shi, don kada su zama marmashe, saboda ciki na tsuntsun. Bayan duk, tsuntsaye suna ta ci da ciki. Kuma a wannan lokacin, ƙanshin abu da ƙuraje wanda ba za’a iya gane shi ba, kamar dunƙarar dabbar doki, ya ɓoye yanayin farautarsa na tsuntsu mai farauta, babban ƙyalli. Roy ya girgiza kan bakin dabbar a cikin buhun kuma ya sayo abincin rana, ya rayu nan take, amma ba ya nan. A zuriyar dabbobi ya yi kauri a gaban idanun kuma kafafu na shit-hadama giya ya makale ga dukan jiki. Lokaci zuwa lokaci kwari suna jujjuya su, hakan zai hana cinyoyinsu daga ƙarshe su jingina abinci. Babban kwari, yana so kawai ya ba da umarni ne don canza wurare, lokacin da Stasyan ya bude ido, ya tsaya a gabansa wanda yake a bakin gemunsa.

– Tsaya!! Stasyan ya fasa.

– Kai wanene?? – jagoran ya tambaya saboda tsoro – Ni ne maigidanka, ka fahimta?

– Ee.

– A kira ni, bawana!

– Honey … – Ta yaya?

– Honey…

– Senior tashi Honey?

– Kuna iya sauƙaƙe: «tashi zuma.»

– Fly Honey … – Stasyan ya girgiza kansa. – me yasa zuma?

– Mai dadi daya, ka sani? Ga ƙudan zuma sa…

– Honey, ko menene?

– A cikin ra’ayinku – Salatin, amma a cikin ra’ayi – Honey. Lafiya, mun tashi…

Manyan kwari sun yi kokarin kashe kwayoyin, amma ya yi latti, kuma sun fasa fuka-fukan su baki daya, amma tsananin nauyi ya rike bakin da babu motsi, sai ya fahimci yana bukatar tsalle da tarko:

– Eureka!!! – kuma ya sunkuyar da baya kamar ninja. Farfafa sun kama rafin iska kuma suka ɗauke shi da kan mutum-mutumin mai bisa kansa. Daga kwandon shara kusa da shi, wannan cat da aka hango ya fito ya tsallaka zuwa tsaban buhun farin da ke tashi.

– Sama, sama, tashi Honey!!! – Stasyan sun yi birgima, a cikin yaren da ba sa iya fahimtar ɗan adam da kuliyoyi, amma kwari sun fahimce shi kuma bayan goma sha biyar na abokin aikinsu sun ci abinci, nan da nan suka yi biyayya da umarninsa, kashi ɗari bisa ɗari. Don haka ya zama shugaban wannan mashigar, kuma tsohon shugabansu da yardarm ya karɓi mukamin matukin jirgi ya kuma amince a cikin mutumin duk danginsa cewa idan Herr Stasyan bai ci su ba, za su kasance a shirye su bauta masa da aminci. Don haka, mabuɗin da ba shi da ruwa, ya shiga sahun tsuntsaye, har ma, ya fara tashi sau biyu kamar saurin danginsa da kuma mafi girma, kamar na Eagle na gaske.

Wani gaggafa mai girman kai yayi tsalle a cikin sama kuma ya hango wani mai gasa yana zuwa kusa da shi daga ƙasa. Kafin ƙauyen, babu wanda zai iya kuma ba shi da ’yancin ya hau matakin Eagle, kuma wannan …?!? – kawai buzo da abin watsi!! – yayi tunanin Eagle kuma ya kama Stasyan a kan tashi tare da mashin, kuma ya kawo shi ga mummunan begensa, mai iko, da babban katako.

– Kai wanene???? Ya yi kuwwa kamar narkar da dunƙulen a duk sararin sama ya kuma murƙushe idanunsa kamar mai magana da ƙarfi, yana tofa wa mai zagin mai ƙyamar maƙaryaciya, mai maƙarƙashiya, kamar mawaƙin makirufo kuma yana hurawa kuɗaɗen kwari. Couplean shekaru ɗari da aka kashe kwari da sauri, ba tare da paws ba.

– Yaa? Haba, Ni wannan ne… Eagle. – cikin firgici, cikin rawar murya, Stasyan ya amsa. – kamar tee, uh… shima maharbi ne.

– Riƙe maigidan, muna tare da ku!!! – mawaƙin ya fashe da kuka, sauran kwari miliyan rabin.

– Eagle, ko menene?! Ee? – gaggafa ta buɗe baki, domin ta iya dacewa ba ƙwararraki ba ce, har da kwari, waɗanda ba su ma ji tsoro ko kaɗan, amma: rufe idanunsu da ƙanƙanuwa lokaci guda.

– Tabbas ni ne Oryol!! – ihu Stasyan yayi ƙoƙari ya fita daga ƙarƙashin mashinin murhun sama. Amma Eagle tun daga karami, kamar dukkan yara, yana tsoron tamaula kuma burinsa na murkushe bokaye da mai fasikanci, ya kasa. Fwararrafan maciji sun ci amanar su, da dukkan ƙarfinsu, fikafikan su da proboscis sun yi birgima da diddige, ƙafafun gaggafa.

– Wah wah wah wah!!! – yi dariya mai karfi, ainihin maƙiyin sama, wuri mai juzu’i na gida, sannan ba zai iya tsayar da shi ba ya sake buɗe murfin ma’abotanta. Sparrow ya daidaita ƙasusuwan kashin baya kuma ya ɗauki matsayin girman kai.

– Ee! Ni gaggafa ce kamarku!! – Sparrow ya haɗu, ya rage muryarsa, octave da biyar sannan ya yi dariya daga wurin sarrafawa.

– Kuma menene, tari? – Orel Stasyan ya nemi nutsuwa.

– Yi afuwa yayin yawo. Kwasfa, kyafaffen, balle … – ya amsa tare da antlers, rawa, sparrow.

– Balel, kace? – Mai Fitarwa mai bugun fata ya goge hancinsa da ɗinsa na biyu. – kuma menene ƙananan haka??

– Wani parody!! Yeah?! – Ba tare da tunani ba, Stasyan ya amsa, yana shiga gabaɗaya da ƙarfin gwanin zane.

– Hey, an sake rufe ni … – don m Eagle. – Kuma abin da yake da haka smelly? Fuh, yin lalacewa? – Highlander wrinkled ya baki. – kuna zufa

– Babu yadda za ayi, oh oh dan uwana! Na kawai, uh … – mai gizo-gizo a amsa ya amsa.

– Jawo. – washegari dattijon ya tashi Honey, yanzu shine matattakala. – Ka ce kun ja, ban ci sabo ba, da ruɓaɓɓen zagi…

kawai, ku ci otel da yawa.

– Ba na cin abinci da shit, moron. – Stasyan ya tuka.

– Wanene, wannan shine yake zamar maka magana? – Na ji kuma na ji haushi, gaggafa ya yi rawa, ya duba.

– Ni ne, zuma tashi … – Na so in gabatar da kaina, babba kuma kawai tashi a cikin fakitin, amma sparrow yayi gargadin shi tare da beak, yana juyawa daga gefe zuwa gefe, kamar yadda, tare da yatsa index, ’ya’yan an hana su haɓaka.

– Wane irin gari ne meth? Menene sunan ku? – ya tambayi Eagle cikin mamaki.

– A’a. Sunana Stasyan.

– Stasyan?? Armeniyawa ko menene?

– Kuma zuma kashin ciki na. – mafarin yazare ne.

– Ee, Ina da hanjin cikina kuma sunana tashi ne mai zuma, sauran sassan jikin duka kwari – mutum ne, kuma ni – mata – ciki wanda bai narke abin da ake buƙata ba, saboda lalataccen saurayi. – Dattijon ya tashi har aka rufe shi.

– Yayi kyau, mun koro ta… amma menene, dangi kadan ne? -ya kuma gaggafa yada kirjin sa.

– Kuma Ni ne… wani irin daban…

– Wannan mai sauƙin fahimta ne, amma menene bai yi girma ba?

– Na yi rayuwa mai wahala: Ni maraya ce maraya.

Gabaɗaya, duk rayuwa, sama ba ta birgima. – Stasyan yayi kuka.

– Me, zubar daga kwayar?

– Mafi muni, daga zango, na samo daga Almaty, amma ban san inda ba. – in ji Stasyan.

– Kuma kun tashi zuwa Rasha, sun ce tattalin arzikin yana inganta.

– Kuma menene, ba ku tashi kanku ba?

– Ni?! A’a, na mutu, ana so a can.

– Me yasa?

– Ee, akwai ayyuka, Ni, kai tsaye, da isowa, oligarchs zai kama ni ya rufe su tsawon rai a cikin keji ko yin dabba. Haka kuma, a yanzu ina da iyali, ɗa. Lafiya kalau, amin. – gama Eagle da dutse, nan da nan ya rushe, inda akwai wuri mai motsi a ƙasa. A bayyane yake: jerboa ko squirrel ƙasa.

– Kuma a ina zan tashi kuma a wace hanya? Baƙi sun yi tambaya bayansa, amma gaggafa ya yi nisa kuma ya kasa jin sa.

– M, ba ku lura ba a ƙarƙashin hancin ku, amma kun ga wani abu yana rarrafe a ƙasa.

Stasyan tare da injin halittarsa tare suna kallon gaggafa. – Lafiya, Salama, ina zamu je?

– Fly Honey, ya shugabana!

– Yayi kyau, zuma tashi, wacce hanya muke tashi.