Людмила Ансельм - Короткие пьесы

BOB:Don’t know. By the way, it didn’t matter by then.

MIKE:Why did you divorced from her eventually?

BOB:I understood that I’d make a mistake… Constant quarrels, jealousy… I got tired, I think, if she’d come to the cafe for the first time, I’d have never married her.

MIKE:Yelena and I’ve never quarreled. She informed me that she did not want to have sex with me quit calmly, without making any scenes. It was so unexpected.

BOB:You, pal, bored her with your dull sex. You don’t have any fantasy.

MIKE:Could you advise me what to do?

BOB:It’s very hard case… Women are very different. Some of them should be taken by power…

MIKE:How come taken by power? It doesn’t suit me…

BOB:I guessed she needs in jealousy… Did you have sex with other women but Yelena?

MIKE:No…

BOB:And did Helena have anybody but you?

MIKE:There was somebody. I met her on the next day after that guy left her. She had such lost and miserable expression on her face. May be she’s waited for him in the cafe and still hoping that he’d come back.

BOB:By the way, when did she tell you that she didn’t want to have sex with you?

MIKE:Two or three weeks ago. Does it matter?

BOB:Yes, A very hard case…What did you say to her after this?

MIKE:I didn’t say anything. I thought that it is a joke.

BOB:But now, when you know it’s not a joke… You probably need conflict…

MIKE:Why?

BOB:You need a real quarrel. It’s helps you to understand your problems. To put everything in its place after the quarrel.

MIKE:What kind of conflict?

BOB:You may bang the door, yell, threaten her that you’ll leave and never come. Make her cry, then apologize. Open your heart to her, kneel in front of her, and so on, and so on…

MIKE:I don’t like any quarrels. That’s not for me…

BOB:It’s up to you. ( Pause ) By the way. Forgot to tell you. I’ve recently seen Yelena in the street, she looked beautifully, young. I came up to her, helped her to carry heavy bags…

MIKE:What then?

BOB:She thanked me for help…

MIKE:And what’d you say?

BOB:Said, that the bags were heavy…

MIKE:And what’s she say?

BOB:Agreed… The. I asked her why her husband didn’t help her…

MIKE( nervously ): And she?

BOB:Said: «He’s not a husband – he’s real pig… I don’t need such an pig».

MIKE:So… When did this happen?

BOB:Don’t remember exactly

MIKE:Approximately…

BOB:May be two or three weeks ago..

MIKE( runs quickly to the door ): I’ll show her «»a pig»! She’ll answer for «the pig»!

BOB:Mike, stop! We haven’t yet solved your problem…

( Bobsmiles rubbing his hands with satisfaction )

MIKE( runs back ): Dare not speak to my wife again! If you come up to her one more, I’ll kill you!

( MIKErun away )

BOB:Good job, Bob! Now you can drink.

THE END

ANNA – awoman, about 40 years.

PETER– her husband, a man the same age.

PLACE:American apartment.

Anna’s apartment. Piles of clothes on the floor.

Enter Peter.

PETER:Can I come in, Anna?

ANNA:Why didn’t you call, Peter?

PETER:It’s not a telephone conversation. Can I…

ANNA:Peter, you’re here, come in.

PETER:I’ve come to talk…you know what I mean.

ANNA:Come on in, and let’s talk… I’m spring cleaning. Careful!

PETER:Want me to take my shoes off?

ANNA:No. Men in socks looks silly. You walk around piles of clothes on the floor. Step on the rugs. Here, then over here, and here; now sit on the sofa. Relax.

Petersits on the sofa.

PETER:I finally want… to talk about our devorce papers…

ANNA:I knew you will come today…

PETER:Why?

ANNA:I saw you in my dream last night… You go along the beach swinging your arms, and I steal along behind you, it was so funny…

PETER:So me at the beach, what’s funny?

ANNA:I’m not done. A friend of mine follows you swinging his arms just like you: he is mocking you…. And I follow both of you… can’t help laughing…. I hide when you look round. You seem to be looking for me and don’t pay any attention to my friend.

PETER:What’s his name… your friend?

ANNA:You didn’t seem to know him well. Maybe you have met him at our office parties.

PETER:So I know him!

ANNA:There were lots of people there: you didn’t pay much attention to him.

PETER:Why, is he inconspicuous?

ANNA:Inconspicuous to you perhaps, you were more interested in chatting up the ladies.

PETER:Describe him to me maybe I’ll remember him.

ANNA:He is taller than you; his eyes are blue, and his hair…

PETER:Where did you meet?

ANNA:At work… in the office.

PETER:You used to tell me about your work friends in detail. You probably told me about him.

ANNA:I might not have told you much about him…

PETER:Why?

ANNA:It’s not important now.

PETER:Yes, it’s important, since you brought him up. It is important! How well do you know him?

ANNA:None of your business. You decided to have a divorce, and we separated. Now you have your own life, and I – mine.

PETER:Do you think that I don’t still care? After fifteen years!

ANNA:Fifteen years six months and two weeks.

PETER:Anna!

ANNA:Anyway, I don’t see him any more.

PETER:When did you stop?

ANNA:I can’t remember…

PETER:Think… Real… Hard…

ANNA:About a half of year ago, after he quit our office.

PETER:So it is «out of sight, out of mind». And what kind of relationship did you have?

ANNA:What kind of relationship can be between man and woman? Need me to spell it out?

Pause

PETER:You cheated on me…

ANNA:Yes.

PETER:And you told me none of this?

ANNA:I didn’t want to.

PETER:You found somebody and kept on living with me as if nothing had happened!

ANNA:And while living with me you didn’t waste time too…

PETER:That’s why we’re going to divorce. Why didn’t you tell me about him?

ANNA:Peter, if I had made up my mind to divorce you, I would’ve told you everything.

PETER:Why didn’t you want to divorce me?… May be he didn’t want to marry you?

ANNA:When we fell for each other, he was married.

PETER:I suppose, he didn’t want to divorce his wife. How long did your relationship last?

ANNA:I don’t remember exactly… about two…

PETER:What a two-timer you really are! And still I wonder…did you stop seeing each other when he got a new job?

ANNA:At first we met often, but then… He had to drive across the whole city. You know the traffic jams…

PETER:Traffic jams! Was it just traffic jams you blame? Couldn’t you make up anything more interesting? Say, a plane crash: your lover dies falling down from a huge height, or you are attacked by thugs, he defends you but is stabbed in the back, bleeding badly…

ANNA:Peter, stop mocking!

PETER:Ha! Who is mocking who? Your lover moves to the other end of the city, and then – end of love! I would’ve understood you if it was a real passion… but I don’t know what to call this. Some nonsense! Stupidity! Because of this nonsense our whole relationship goes to hell?

ANNA:Our relationship? What did I get? Just humiliation. Did you really love me? Every party you ignored me and quickly found a woman and started flirting. What chance did I have? Just to be a wallflower?

PETER:Did you do all that in revenge? If yes, then that’s different.

ANNA:It doesn’t matter whether I did this in revenge or not…

Pause.

He was extraordinary, very considerate, loved me, used to bring me flowers…

PETER:Considerate: traffic jams and end of love! Don’t you feel ashamed to tell me, your husband, all this? After fifteen years together…

ANNA:Fifteen years six months and two weeks.

PETER:Anna!

Anna( comes close. ): Peter!

Peter( pushes her away. ): Give me his phone number.

ANNA:What for?

PETER:I want to meet him… and his wife.

ANNA:And why his wife?

PETER:I’ll compare her and you! Give me his phone number!

ANNA:I don’t have it.

PETER:That’s a lie, Anna. You’re lying!

ANNA:I don’t have it… not since we parted.

PETER:Then – his last name. Well, come on!

ANNA:I won’t.

PETER:Oh, I understand, it means that you didn’t have anybody and any relationship. You’ve made up the whole romance. Nobody hankered after you, just your sick imagination: love, infidelity, traffic jams – all this is a lie. Our whole life together was a mistake.

ANNA:Peter, but we had such fun together.

PETER:Fun? Me? Never! What’re you talking about? All our life together was a complete and utter torture for me.

ANNA:Our “grunge” costume party…

PETER:Ya, friends still mention it, but that was different.

ANNA:Why?

PETER:I’ve never loved you, not a moment!

Anna( slowly ): Full moon… Lake George… when we slipped off the paddle boat… You like to sleep touching me…

PETER:( pause ) It was long ago.

ANNA:Peter, why did you marry me?

PETER:Your pregnancy.