Nikita Kapernaumov - 2019: The most obsessive diary of a rejected Martin Eden in agony

the guy in that another new years photo is not mark but some maksim burlakov

( – это какомуто администратору грайндметал музыклаьног опаблика в вк – )

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Шлюхоход

езть возможназь проконсультировадь по грайндметалу? вы вижу эксперт, меня интересуют бывают вобще ситуацеи когда такие тексты и весь типа этот больной концепт приводит музыкантов в психушку? ну всмысле не с ума сходят, а допустем проивзедение на свет песен о расчеленение детей служит основанием что пишут заяву ментам иле на псих. экспертизу и музыканта загребают. вот такое бывает, знаете случаи?

Lex 14:32

Такого не встречал. Не знаю, кем надо быть, чтобы всё это всерьёз воспринимать.

Это всего лишь музыка, если так можно сказать, и не более того.

Шлюхоход 14:36

я проста вот тоже собераюсь такое деладь. только у меня серьёзное будет музло, говнилиум есле знаете. я автор. но щаз будет жёще концепт. проста я тоже типа «несереьзно» например вот пару месяцев назад в инете шалил, тоже типа творчество, тексты проста писал жёские, и меня нахуй к ментам вызвали и там ещёб чучуть и передали б в психушку дело, а учитывая что связь с психушкой конечно у ня есть то думаю там бы меня неполенились закрыть

Lex 14:41

Главное делать и слушать музыку, кот. нравится, остальное не важно. Всегда найдутся люди, кот. что-то не нравится, всем не угодишь, да и не надо это делать, особенно в ущерб себе.

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22 03 19 night – зависть музыкантам, тулсар, подсчёт возрастов, инглиш снова просак, ленина маша из детства дно

All the last day have spent on talking to mum about her and grandma’s battles and hysterics, fucking wasted a whole day, at the evening read about the metalhead guy from rybinsk ilya, about 36 years old, who is so numerous in his metal projects of good sound and quality but no real melodies, untalanted, but he recroded an album in the studio of that guy, the guitarist of the vision bleak, which i fucking envied. Then i was recomended (it’s some guy today wrote me and we talked further on doom metal) our russian one man band tulsar, the music judging by the first song was more or less good, but i became more interested in the lyrics which are english, and i very fucking hard tried to find mistakes, while listening to the songs which incidentally never once let down, they are enviably good in regards for guitar solos and harmonies, and as for the lyrics i of course found some mistakes and he even sings them like «have freeze» as if he doesn’t know of «frozen», but suppose it was his conсious intention to make this word so, so i fucking doubt, he seems to speak english confidentely after all. In all, as a bedroom musician he is good, and i very hard tried to find out how old he is, he now in his idiotic video clip looks like a 20yo poetical melancholy typical blond guy from penza, but his first album was in 2015, so what, did he speak english then this more or less good at whatever age he was then (at least 24, if now he is 28, but i do beleiv he is now 23—24)? So he both played good (and not like I, definitely, i watched his videos of his recordings, it’s nothing like mine where i fucking cry and am ever on the verge of crashing my guitar against the wall) and wrote lyrics good, he is fucking confident, and i of course went on and found his instagram, and he has a girlfriend, and although of course brown eyed, still a girl and a fuckable one. i searched through some his female subscribers’ friendlists on their vk’s pages, trying to find him, bookmarked a couple of hot penza girls in the process and had to look again on all those fucking mordovian morels of men, who fucking remind me of my male relatives and acqaintances from childhood, but anyway, i failed to find the fucker, he seems not to have a real vk page. i found out then that he also playes in a jazz-like band, as a guitarist, they all seem to be academically educated, so i hope he’d at least studied guitar in some conservatory or something, which would make his playing not so enviable, any moron will manage the guitar so, what with the academical drilling of all those damned arpeggios, but in this case his english would then be more enviable, as how is it that he studies guitar in some stupid conservatory and at the same time comes to speak english so well? Fucking son of a bitch, lucky bastard, how did he manage english so early? That guy from rybinsk who went and recorded an album with a german band, he too spoke english, and although he is about 36 and anybody will be able to speak some english at 36, but he fucking must have spoken it not as a mere tourist, he must have spoken it really understandable if he was to cooperate with completely non-russian people and that in a creative working process.

But it did not end there. Then the words «my true love’ intruded upon me, as usually something of the sort does at nights, and i wondered whether i used them correctly in that my song for dasha. Like hell i did. The idea was that she doesn’t give a fuck about me. and that at the same time with my adressing her in one line as «true love», which as now i understood must have really meant «honest and loving» idiomatically, whereas I, before now, had always thought them to mean «one whom i love truly’. So it turns out the ideas of these words and the song as the whole were opposite. I fucked up then. And more than that, i also shot a video on the song and sang it with a serious face in the camera, and fucking bobbed my head and danced with a guitar to it, and it wouldv been forgivable at say 15, but no, i was 23, the age of people already doing serious things, take dicaprio, or raskolnikov for instance. Like a fool, to an idiotic song, a song of two meanings, fucking bipolar crap. Now feeling like a complete faliure. No wonder even this vk. ком/id193167883 a living legend of poivactovomzale’n’roll has declined and even blocked me without explanation. I just wanted to ask whether he’d ever picked up a girl by giving concerts.

Mum said lena’s (whom mum is again talks and hangs about with) masha got into many credit debts. I broke down and let out «why the fuck do we ever in our life have to do with such a bottom’. I really couldn’t and can’t bear it. dasha now is in some grecian university studies fucking socrats, while i have to listen to mums problem about a lost key and pulling out of veins ( – мама расказывала что когда дрались они там с бабклавой, баба там из мамы хотела подцепить и вытянуть вену из руки – ), and about these fucking mashas, whom incidentally i thought to be a progressive dasha-like person, but now she’s turned out, what with those debts, to be another idiot, which is no wonder, though, and was predictable as she is of the bottom.

The day is wasted, i only ordered up the gutars in voaldi and that’s all. i will go to sleep, as it is useless to try to do anytihng, i end up writing here every time.

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22 03 19 forenoon – набросок даше, не могу ничего делать

Ну Даш ну помоги мне тябя забыть. Сделайся доступной чтобы я этим насытился и перестал за тобой гоняться. Я так хочу девушку с ума схожу, не могу ничем заниматься. Ну почему я должен таблетки от этого желания пить а не удовлтеорять как нормальные люди. Ну посмотри, я же исправляюсь, да я до сих пор унижаюсь, но я уже никаких угроз не пишу. Темболе меня тут вызвали к ментам, вынесли предупреждение, и сфоткали и повесили вместе со всякими местными маньяками. А унижения, ну как им пройти если я не могу английский узнать. 4 песни сочиняю уже два года и постоянно нахожу ошибки. А это единственное что я мог бы сделать нормально, я больше ниче не умею, а пока я с этим английским ебусь я уже прошёл возраст для всех тех песен.

Но это я не дописал и не отправил

Fuck day after day are wasted. I have no stimulus to my songs, no youth is towards, no lassies peers, nothing. And these fucking lshow irritate me, fucking repost me, i have to see their logo under my posts. And i can’t do anything about it, it irritates me, fucking assosiations with the bottom, but i can’t do shit about it. it just is and thats it. i am always to remember about the fucking bottom. While dasha’s somewhere abroad, or at least in saratov and doesn’t even remember about there existing all such shit

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24 03 19 night – спор 8интернете по инглишу ( – начало беовульф тяжбы – ), придумал обложку WSWEHS, не лажу с людьми

Lost a whole evening and a good mood through this:

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vk. ком/wall-46758722_10471?reply=10475

да список с этими раритетами бесконечен. как putten так и putted какойнибудь можно встретить и т. д. смысл этим забивать голову? ну если только живёшь там в деревнях. а так не знаю..

при этом большинство этих экспонатов, за исключением того чё унаследовано из дремучих версий инглиша, это всё создано не носителями инглиша типа изза их крутого владения родным языком и желанием какнибудь так повыпендриваться, а теми кто английский не знал. ирландцы, шотландцы и т. д. у них же свои языки. я тоже по началу любил всю эту языковую кунсткамеру, думал используя её буду более продвинутый, но потом понял что это тупо заимствовать ошибки других ненэйтивов. со своими рунглишными ошибками бы разобраться.