Nikita Kapernaumov - 2019: The most obsessive diary of a rejected Martin Eden in agony

Today all I’ve done, created the concept for a great front picture for the main album. With dasha embracing liliac, and i’ve called the album «as she embraced her spring’. The picture was from the spring of 2014. Five years ago, fuck. My love, my bonnie lassie was so yong and so gentle and so soft and so pleasant to the touch i guess, these her pale skin and arms, her shoulder and her nipple, how i want to lean to her, to her, to that face to those eyes, and stroke her head with that dark-red hair, her head, it i guess is so not big, so small in reality, but still so adorable, a life itself, the only life of this dasha ever, it shall not be anywhere anytime again, she will die and it will be the end of her for ever, she fucking deserves to live happy this only life. Of course anybody deserves no less, but fuck do i want her and only her and nobody else, my love, my onliest girl with your only life i so love you i saw want to get to you and to go to bed tigether with you and sleep with you in my embrace. My dear living daria

See? I have interacted with people who are the most similar to me in regard to interests. And what have come out of it? got a facepalm from him. Instead of saying what i really think, I could have earned a like if i had only said that yes, you guys are cool and i find your post and those phrases fuckingly useful and needful to be remembred, how the fuck could live without them, and them phrases are sure to be natives’ mistakes, that’s the thing, that’s the real english. Both arno and marina would have liked me and i would have had no trouble, i believe, even to add to friends to them. Now like hell would they have added me. rather would have blocked me like that yesterday guy. And these are the people closest to me in regard to interests. Only a non informal connection does the thing. They are all informally acqauinted, so they like each other by default. I see no way to get closer to any of all these alien people, i fucking feel very nasty now even because i fucking live in one world with them, with all these alien people. mum estranges from me. esterday she spoke language and it sounded really allien, like usually in my childhood when she would behave so. I felt real nasty when she spoke that. I want a close one, real close, only i do not want one to become of one who is naturally disposed to be close. Like that girl whom i hugged and kissed. I want one who is ever estranging from you, i want dasha. To get her, to tame her, to make her close, to embrace and be stroking her head which she’s leaning on my shoulder, her eyes closed, she all tame and contented at last. that is a real paradise to me, that’s what i want. I don’t know how much time it would have taken me to satiate myself with her, if i had got her. i would clasped her and didn’t leave till i or she was dying of hunger. Till my mouth stank of hunger, at any rate. I’m off to sleep. The day’s wasted.

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24 03 19 mornign – продолжение беовульф спора, правильницы, академистки

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Marina Moreva replied to Nikita

Насчёт «всех-всех» – резонно: невнимательность с моей стороны. Но увы, насчёт «большинства» ваша личная гипотеза всё-таки:

– небрежно выдаётся за установленный факт;

– не подкреплена статистически (отдельно взятые «то то, то это» – слабый аргумент);

– не подтверждается конкретным авторитетным источником по теме.

По части проверки фактов, знания истории языка, а также понимания причинности и взаимосвязи событий тоже не всё благополучно. Объяснять неграмотность русского носителя влиянием неграмотного узбека на основании схожих ошибок – логическая ошибка.

Спасибо за диалог, но продолжать беседу, пожалуй, нет смысла.

1LikeShow likestoday at 2:45 amReply

Nikita Kapernaumov replied to Marina

Marina, – небрежно выдаётся за установленный факт;

ну это всё вообще моё мнение какбы, но оно взято не с потолка а после изучения темы. такое бы мнение было у любого кто бы интересовался конкретно происхождением.

что я могу поделать если всякие them (для those), yiz и прочие популярные причуды английского – это всё изобретения не-нэйтивов? написано в книжках. ольстерский диалект или айриш. у меня книжек слишком много, многие пдф, текст не распознаётся. мне долго искать. я думал итак всё знаете. а наткнулся на оппозиции почемуто.

«> Объяснять неграмотность русского носителя влиянием неграмотного узбека на основании схожих ошибок – логическая ошибка.

не знаю что такое логическая ошибка. у меня всё просто. я представил может ли русский пусть допустим не учившийся в школе сказать «покупай арбуз, смотри какая вкусный»? нет. ну а как ещё такая структура могла у человека возникнуть кроме навязаться каким-нибудь приезжим родственником или соответствующим окружением? я не знаю. ну не спорю, может в диких частях россии в каком-то наречии это нормально тоже. но наиболее популярна такая ошибка именно же среди приезжих. ассоциация сразу с маршрутками и арбузными базарами. неприятно. и вот имея такие знания и представления соответственно прихожу к вопросу а стоит забивать голову английскими аналогами «какая вкусный»? нет, потому что не хочу зазвучать как английский арутюнян. либо надо проверять каждое специальная ли это ошибка или от понаехавшей неграмотности.

и да, давайте закончим, многа времени отнимает.

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4 hours of the day have passed but i still can do nothing. I’m fucking agitated. Only two morons who do not know english liked me, but tutors and specialists, i mean teachers, a couple including arno himself, from fashinable english schools, are liking this marina. They all just don’t love me, my fucking tone and the bauldness of my letting know that i too know something. I’m fucking hate being opposed. What, must I be a fucking sheeple? No i won’t be sheeple. Read just today on pavel durovs page his quote about being free. I hope that can be applied to how I’m acting in this situation. I mean i at least make as bold as to say what is not supposed to be heard from a sheeple. But still i am not free, because I’m giving a huge fuck about what they think of me now. i must have this one person who would always be on my side.

I havent slept enough, only 5—6 hours, woke to piss and couldn’t sleep anymore for thinking on the incident. now feeling hellishly. Days go by, fucking three months of the year has passed, i’ve done nothing.

As i can judge i act fucking right. But maybe i really don’t know something else. I don’t know what the logical mistake. I don’t know what’s that, what’s this. Untill i get the academical education I fucking always shall be at odds with all these academical people. they fucking always be the more weighty side in any discussion. And dasha is one of them, fucking unfortuntaly. Or rather not unfortunately, but natturally. Because it’s always been these academically educated bitches that i loved.

Now mum, for instance is at odds with that fucking neighbour sveta, whose girls has made such a deep effect on me as a child ( – света гавелла – мама ани и алёны, сестриц-соседок из моего детства на фрунзе – ). Now they there have fallen apart over grandma. Sveta is officially caring after grandma, but grandma goes crazy, is fighting there with mum and sveta takes grandma’s side. But it’s not over grandma or the inheritance business really. It’s just that sveta has never liked mum inwardly. Mum has ever been like a rebel, and always touchy and easy to be offended, what with her fragile psychic aggravated by sadistic grandma. And sveta is calm, strong person, like fucking dasha and all, what i called strong-genetical. Sveta is humanist, an english teacher, and her daughters too, whereas mum is technician, and even not this, but, as i have to admit, a bottom. Unfortunately, because of her bruised life with a sadist, she is of the bottom. That and this sorts of people will always be at odds with each other.

I feel very baddly without sleep. I cannot do anything now. trying to compose the vocal line for fucking wagtn. but nothing comes to me, all in vain and i want to sleep. My limbs are of lead. I think i’ll better listen to phrasal verbs and then go for the chicken and then wash towels. Going to wash towels and underpants today. Left this joke for mum in telegram:

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как будешь в сети напиши есть ли перчатки для стирки в какихнибудь ящиках иле надо покупать.

целое ведро, всё запотел, надо стираться. щас пока трусы и полотенца замочил. хотел также и тёмные футболки бросить туда же, но наверное пары пар перчаток же не хватит. ну и тёмные футболки же закрасят светлые трусы. вдруг ещё придётся ходить в трусах в диспетчерскую, а чё они у меня будут закрашеные

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( – тут шутка в том что я когдато, в очередной истерике, по какомуто поводу выходил во двор и в помещение диспетчера в рваных трусах, котоыре у меня все старые и рваные. и это типа уже нормальная одежда для похода к диспетчеру, а ненормально а вот если трусы будут покрашены в чёрно то вот тогда начнёт быть ненормлаьно – )