Maxim Titovets - TWO PLAYS. MAIDEN FOREST. THE ADVENTURES OF YUMI

Artyom.Bitch. She bit my hand through.

Natalia.Let Khlora go, Jacket! This wasn’t the deal.

Artyom.Chopper arranged everything for you. He told us to screw you too if you try anything. As for your daughter, we’ll take care of her.

Natalia.I will cut your throats for my Svetlana.

Artyom.So stay put. Chopper delivers on his promises.

Natalia.What a nasty piece of work you are, Artyom. You dragged your buddy, Moray, into this crap. Chopper will finish him off.

Artyom.Every man for himself.

Natalia.You are not a stupid fellow. Let Khlora go. And go yourself.

Artyom.Chopper won’t harm her. He only told to keep her back so that she wouldn’t kick up a row. We are not savages.

Pause.

Natalia.Do you think Chopper will let us live when he gets the icons? Will he give us our shares?

Artyom.Chopper is only a sidekick. But Frost covers up for me. He loved my mother ever since school. Then she got married to Kolosov and died.

Natalia.Kolosov seems to have crossed you all.

Artyom.I hate the bastard.

Slav enters. He is still dressed in police uniform, his face is all scratched up. He pulls Tatyana inside. Tatyana’s hands are tied, she has a hood over her head. Slav forces Tatyana to the floor.

Slav.Don’t move, bitch. Or you’ll get some more. [He ties Tatyana up and checks if the rope is tight.]

Natalia.Why did you bring this skank here?

Slav.This is Kolosov’s wench. She saw everything. Meant to turn us in.

Artyom gets out of the chair, still holding the rifle, and steps back to the fireplace.

Slav.Now this woman is our guarantee. [He approaches the table, pours himself a glass of vodka, drinks.]

Artyom.She shouldn’t see us. I don’t need witnesses.

Slav.Did you think you’d get off with a whole skin, chump? [He gets a hunting knife, approaches Tatyana, pulls the hood off her head. Tatyana’s mouth is taped, there is a bloody scratch on her forehead.]

Artyom.You are a louse, Slav. Do you want blood?

Slav. [To Tatyana.] If Kolosov gives us a hard time, I’ll cut this bitch up and feed the bits to him. And you will help me with that.

Artyom flips the rifle bolt. Slav leaps to his feet with a knife clasped in his hand, ready to hurl himself at Artyom.

Natalia.Easy, Slav! We will deal with it ourselves. Go to the guys.

Slav. [To Artyom.] It’s your life you will answer for her with, Jacket.

Slav leaves

Artyom.That’s it. The Rubicon is crossed. She recognized me.

Natalia.Let Khlora go and be off. Why would they share with you? They will just wipe you out. And then burn you in here. Together with Moray and Khlora.

Artyom.Stop bluffing!

Tatyana carefully unties her hands and frees herself. She looks around and sees a poker lying on the floor. Natalia and Artyom do not notice.

Natalia.Chopper is a cop. A werewolf. He leaves no witnesses behind.

Artyom.We are in cahoots.

Natalia.Uh-huh. You will be the first one to turn us in to cops if they catch us in the act.

Artyom points the rifle at Natalia.

Natalia.You are a good-for-nothing. You lack the guts to kill somebody.

Artyom puts the rifle down. Tatyana leaps to her feet and strikes Artyom over his head with the poker. Artyom drops the rifle and falls unconscious. Tatyana grabs the rifle and runs out of the house. Khlora and Natalia keep their seats and stare at each other.

Scene 7

Night. Fyodor Kolosov’s summer cottage.

Chopper and Moray wear balaclavas. Fyodor is tied to a chair.

Chopper.Here’s the deal. You will give us the icons and save your friends’ lives. Tell me the password!

Fyodor.Who gave you a lead on me?

Chopper.Tell me the alarm password!

Fyodor.Who gave you a lead on me?

Chopper.We will ransack your roost anyway. But before that, we’ll roast you in your own banya.

Fyodor.Who gave you a lead on me? Artyom?

Moray kicks Fyodor in the stomach.

Chopper.You are not suicidal, Kolosov, are you? Tell me the password.

Fyodor.So it was Artyom who told you about the icons. I’ll kill the rat.

Moray kicks Fyodor again.

Chopper.If you don’t care about yourself, think of your friends.

Fyodor.Go to hell, bastards!

Slav, dressed in police uniform, enters the garden and puts on his balaclava. He approaches Fyodor and throws Tatyana’s handkerchief at him.

Slav.Tatyana sends you her regards.

Fyodor.And who are you, postie?

Slav punches Fyodor, the latter falls off his chair. Moray walks up to Fyodor and presses his foot against Fyodor’s neck.

Moray.I’m gonna break your neck, scumbag.

Slav. [He draws out a hunting knife and holds it to Fyodor’s face.] Be reasonable, chump. If you don’t tell us the alarm password, we will just pass your bitch around. And then I will personally choke the life out of her.

Moray takes his foot off Fyodor’s neck. Fyodor clears his throat and spits blood. Slav takes the knife away and helps Moray get Fyodor on the chair.

Chopper.Last suit has no pockets, Fyodor. Give us the icons. You will save your wench and your friends.

Fyodor.You are pieces of shit. Blast you.

Pause.

Chopper.Is it settled then, Kolosov? Their lives are in your hands.

Pause.

Fyodor.How can I be sure that you won’t kill us after I tell you the password?

Chopper.We are not savages. You will have to take my word for it.

Pause.

Fyodor.I’ll give you the icons. If you lay a finger on Tatyana, I’ll make mincemeat out of you.

Chopper.That’s a bargain. We are men of business. [He takes his mobile phone out and presses the call button.] Karen, he is good to go. Write down the password. [He holds the phone to Fyodor’s mouth.]

Fyodor.Front door. One. Six. Oh. Six. One. Nine. The door to the study. Oh. Three. Oh. Five. Eight. Oh.

Chopper. [To Fyodor.] You made your choice. [He stuffs his phone into his pocket.] Now we wait.

Fyodor.Blessed are You O Christ Our God / You have revealed the fishermen as most wise / by sending down upon them the Holy Spirit / through them You drew the world into Your net / O Lover of Man, Glory to You.

Scene 8

Night. Moray’s house.

Natalia and Khlora are sitting at the table opposite to each other. There are an open bottle of vodka and two glasses on the table. Artyom is lying unconscious on the floor, he is tied hand and foot.

Khlora.What next?

Natalia. Go.

Khlora.I won’t leave without Ivan.

Natalia.Think of your baby, you idiot.

Khlora.I won’t leave without Ivan!

Natalia.They will kill you both. You and Moray. You are his weak spot.

Khlora.If you let me go, Chopper won’t take it lying down.

Natalia.I will deal with it. Tie me up. And go while Jacket is still out cold.

Khlora.They will kill us all.

Natalia.Yes. Maybe.

Khlora.Do you know what my father used to say? The best defense is a good offense.

Scene 9

Night. Fyodor Kolosov’s summer cottage.

Fyodor is tied to a chair, his mouth is taped shut. Slav and Moray are standing by. Chopper is talking on the phone.

Chopper.Karen, stick to the plan. Out. [He stops the call and puts the phone back into his pocket.] All good, Slav. We’ve got the icons.

Slav approaches Moray from behind and knocks him out with a truncheon. Fyodor is trying to free himself, squirming on his chair.

Chopper.Don’t move, Kolosov. You have lived a disgraceful life but you will die the death of a righteous man.

Slav.Don’t take it personally, old man. We are just tying up loose ends.

Slav puts the truncheon on the table, ties Moray’s hands and legs with plastic cable ties, and drags him along the path towards the banya.

Slav.The bastard is heavy.

Slav and Moray whip out of sight. Tatyana, with the rifle in her hands, comes out of the dark and points the rifle at Chopper.

Tatyana.Just a twitch and I’ll shoot you, scumbag.

Chopper.Hello, Tatyana.

Tatyana.Who are you?

Chopper.You are just like a guardian angel coming down from heaven.

Tatyana.Untie him. Now!

Chopper.I have respect for bold people, Tatyana. Give me the rifle.

Tatyana.Untie him.

Chopper.Give me the rifle. Don’t mess with me.

Tatyana.Don’t put your fingers in the fire, sweetheart. [She flips the rifle bolt.]

Chopper approaches Fyodor, takes the knife from the table, and cuts Fyodor’s hands free.

Chopper.Now that’s a woman. [ He puts the knife towards himself and gives it to Fyodor.] Lucky you, Kolosov. [ Aside.] Frost, you son of a bitch, where are you?

Tatyana.Put your hands behind your head!

Chopper slowly puts his hands behind his head. Fyodor quickly frees himself, removes the tape from his mouth, spits blood, takes the truncheon from the table, approaches Chopper from behind, and strikes his legs. Chopper drops down on his knees.

Fyodor.You are dead, you piece of shit. Put your hands behind your back.

Chopper is on his knees. He puts his hands behind his back, Fyodor ties them. He takes off Chopper’s balaclava.

Fyodor.I recognized Moray’s voice at once. But you… I’ve never seen you before.

Chopper spits on the ground.

Fyodor.Face down.

Chopper.Do you know what I am doing now? I am speaking to a dead man.

Fyodor.What are you talking about?

Chopper.You are toast, Kolosov. You will all die tonight.

Fyodor kicks Chopper to the grass, approaches Tatyana. At this point Slav reappears out of the dark and lashes out at Tatyana with the knife, trying to take the rifle from her. Tatyana dodges his attack nimbly. Fyodor sends Slav sprawling with a heavy blow, takes the rifle out of Tatyana’s hands. Then he knocks Slav out by hitting him over the head with the rifle stock.

Scene 10

Late night. Fyodor Kolosov’s summer cottage.