Maxim Titovets - TWO PLAYS. MAIDEN FOREST. THE ADVENTURES OF YUMI

Slav is handcuffed to the handrail core, he is unconscious. Chopper is tied to a chair in the gazebo, his hands tied behind his back, his mouth taped.

Fyodor.Thank you, Tanya.

Tatyana.Fyodor… I feared for you so much.

Fyodor.It’s gonna be alright.

Tatyana.It was Artyom who brought the bandits here.

Fyodor.Artyom? Where is he?

Tatyana.Artyom is in Rybin’s old house. Do you remember Ivan Moray?

Fyodor.I’ve seen him today. He’s lying dead in my banya.

Tatyana.Good Lord! I might have smashed Artyom’s head with a poker.

Fyodor.You are a doctor, not a killer.

Tatyana.I was frightened.

Fyodor.Who else has seen you?

Tatyana.There were two women in the house with Artyom. One of them was taped to a chair.

Fyodor.What a beauty. Must be Khlora and Natasha.

Fyodor enters the gazebo, sits down at the table, and puts the rifle next to him. Slav regains consciousness but closes his eyes again, pretending he is still unconscious.

Tatyana.We should call the police. My phone is broken. Where is Alexey? And Venya?

Fyodor.I don’t know. Go inside, have a look there. Meanwhile, I’ll deal with this piece of shit. [He takes out the hunting knife he took from Slav.]

Tatyana.Yes, sure.

Tatyana goes up to the house. Fyodor gets up, walks up to Chopper with the knife, cuts the cable ties serving as handcuffs, and gets Chopper’s hands free. Chopper silently rubs his numb wrists, removes the tape from his mouth. Fyodor sits on his chair, takes the bottle of vodka, and fills two glasses. He takes one glass himself and offers another one to Chopper.

Fyodor. [Swallowing his vodka in one gulp.] Did you really think I would give you the collection?

Chopper remains speechless

Fyodor.It’s not the money. The icons hold a sentimental value. They remind me of Lyudmila.

Chopper. [He removes the tape from his legs, now he is free.] Karen the cracksman told me he had already got the icons.

Fyodor.These are copies. Knockoff.

Chopper. [Takes his glass with vodka and drinks it off.] Why didn’t you say so?

Fyodor.You never asked. You kept harping on the same thing: Password, password.

Pause.

Fyodor.I want to offer you a deal.

Chopper.Go ahead.

Fyodor.You and I are men of business.

Chopper.We both have something to lose.

Fyodor gets up from the table, approaches the porch, and opens a hiding place on the side. He produces a bundle of money wrapped in plastic, steps up to Chopper, places the bundle on the table in front of him, and takes his seat again.

Fyodor.There’s a million and 200K in there. You will get another million and 800K in three days.

Pause.

Chopper.What will I have to do?

Fyodor.I want you to kill Artyom today. He is in Moray’s house now.

Chopper.How can I be sure that you won’t turn me in?

Fyodor.We are not savages. You will have to take my word for it.

The front door opens. Venya goes out on the porch, wearing his jacket. He looks rough. A rope is wrapped around his arm, he grasps his head every now and then and writhes in pain.

Venya.Fyodor. Ouch… Where is everybody? My head is splitting. Ah, it hurts.

Fyodor. [Aside.] That’s all we need now. Out of the blue! [To Venya.] Venya! You are alive. Thank goodness.

Venya totters to the gazebo.

Venya.Fyodor. What happened here? Why were my hands tied?

Fyodor.You should drink less, mate. Here, I’ll help you.

Venya. [Pointing at Slav.] And this one? Blind drunk too? You could at least bring him inside, he’s gonna freeze to death.

Venya heavily walks up to Fyodor who is sitting on his chair. Fyodor unwraps the rope on Venya’s arm.

Fyodor.Where is Alexey?

Venya.Inside, with Tatyana.

At this moment, Venya moves around Fyodor’s back, nimbly puts the rope around Fyodor’s neck, and starts choking him. Chopper quickly gets on his feet and runs up to Fyodor. Slav opens his eyes, watches them, and tries to get free of the handcuffs.

Venya.Chopper, hold him tight!

Chopper holds Fyodor tight with one hand and hits him several times in the stomach with another. Fyodor cannot fight back any longer. He loses consciousness from strangulation and slumps in the chair.

Venya.I’ve heard everything.

Chopper.Frost! What the hell took you so long?

Venya and Chopper tie Fyodor’s hands and legs with the cable ties.

Venya.Be grateful that he didn’t wipe you out at once. You couldn’t even cope with a skirt! Give me the money!

Chopper gives the bundle of money to Venya, the latter puts it into the pocket of his jacket. Venya approaches Slav and removes the gag.

Slav.Frost, you son of a bitch! Did you want to blow us off? The icons are fake!

Venya kicks Slav, Slav falls quiet. Venya takes the rifle, makes sure it is loaded, flips the bolt, and points the rifle at Slav. Slav flattens himself against the ground cowardly.

Venya.Chopper, clean it up here. And bring the petrol can to the banya. I will go and get Artyom.

Venya leaves, holding the rifle.

Scene 11

Dawn. Banya of Fyodor Kolosov’s summer cottage.

Slav and Chopper take Alexey inside, holding him by his arms. Alexey’s hands are tied, his mouth is taped. Alexey fights his way free, gives Slav a blow with his tied hands. Chopper hits Alexey. Alexey crumples to the floor and stops fighting back. Chopper and Slav dump him into the corner.

Chopper.Tie him tight, Slav.

Slav.Uh-huh. [He ties Alexey up tight.]

Fyodor enters. His hands are tied behind his back. He is followed by Venya who pushes Fyodor on with the rifle. Slav goes outside.

Venya.Sit down!

Fyodor.That is some rubbish you started, Venya. You will regret this.

Venya.Après nous, le déluge.

Fyodor sits down in the chair. Chopper tapes Fyodor down to it, ties his legs.

Chopper.Done.

Venya.Bring in the other one!

Chopper leaves. He is almost immediately back together with Slav. They drag Moray who is beaten. Moray gives no signs of life.

Slav.Looks like we overdid it a bit.

Chopper.He will have enough time in afterlife to come to his senses.

Slav and Chopper throw Moray to Alexey.

Chopper.Frost, it’s time!

Venya.We have enough time.

Slav and Chopper leave.

Fyodor.That is how you repay kindness, Veniamin. I thought we were friends.

Venya.He that bewares of the sting should steal honey.

Fyodor.It’s your revenge on me for Lyudmila.

Venya.You took her from me.

Fyodor.Lyudmila never loved you.

Venya.It doesn’t matter now.

Fyodor.And what does?

Venya.You wanted to kill my son today.

Fyodor.I did. But God interfered.

Venya.Aren’t you surprised that Artyom is my son?

Fyodor.I’ve always known it. When you take a woman with a child, it doesn’t hurt to ask her who fathered it. Lyudmila trusted me.

Pause.

Venya.Three days before she died, Lyudmila called me and asked me to come and see her in the hospital. She gave me a strand of his hair that she had kept in the amulet. The DNA test confirmed that I am his father.

Fyodor.It was a moment of weakness.

Venya.You are lying!

Fyodor.After the chemo, she didn’t know what she was doing.

Venya.Enough!

Fyodor.I am sure that Lyudmila regretted telling you. And now she can see what you are up to.

Venya.You sent her only son to prison. She became sick with grief.

Fyodor.I saved the life of this junkie but Lyudmila started hating me. It’s unfair.

Venya.When I discovered that Artyom is my son, something happened to me.

Fyodor.You went nuts.

Venya.I decided to change my life forever. For the first time in my life, I had a dream.

Fyodor.You changed your life when you threw in your lot with these bloodsuckers.

Venya.Chopper is only a tool. Now I need the cash, badly.

Fyodor.Bite me, Venya.

Venya.Where are the icons? Where’d you hide them? [Hitting Fyodor.]

Chopper enters and takes the rifle off of Venya.

Chopper.These bitches, Natasha and Khlora, slit the tire. I’ll skin them alive when I get hold of them!

Venya.Do you know what makes me happy now, Fyodor? Artyom is alive. He is far from here now. I’ll provide him with an alibi. And he is your only heir.

Fyodor.You won’t get the icons anyway.

Venya.Fyodor, it’s a matter of principle.

Fyodor.You are pathetic, Veniamin.

Venya.I don’t want it on my conscience.

Fyodor.When the Most High came down and confused the tongues / He divided the nations / But when he distributed the tongues of fire / He called all to unity…

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