Виктор Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

5. Если бы она заговорила, она нарушила бы правило, которое установила для себя.

9. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:

1. (с… ) жаловаться, 2. (s… ) рабочая смена, 3. (j… ) дурак и бездельник, 4. (d… ) отрицать, отвергать, 5. (1… ) стирка, 6. (а… ) дополнение, 7. (h… ) головная боль, 8. (r… ) бросаться, 9. (р… ) натягивать, 10. (f… ) складывать.

10. Render the joke.

Тексты второй части предназначены для чтения и пересказа. Каждый текст сопровождается опорной лексикой и фразеологией. Пересказывая текст, постарайтесь использовать средства синонимии – одна и та же ситуация может быть описана разными словами и выражениями, с использованием разной грамматики. Цель настоящей части пособия – через интенсивное чтение, самостоятельный перевод и пересказ подготовиться к третьему, творческому разделу, где вам придется заниматься переложением уже не англоязычных, а русских текстов, – это вы будете делать с использованием лексических и грамматических средств, освоенных в первых двух разделах.

«What do you love most about me,» a husband asked his wife, «my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?»

«What I love most about you,» responded the man's wife, «is your enormous sense of humor.»

Words and Expressions:

tremendousгромадный

athleticатлетичный, атлетический

abilityспособность

superiorпревосходный, превосходящий

intellectинтеллект

to respondотвечать

enormousгромадный, безмерный

sense of humorчувство юмора

The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn't wanted to have sex with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her.

When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband any more.

«For the last 7 months,» the wife replies, «every morning I take a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, „So are you going to pay today or what?“ I always give him an „or what“. That makes me late to work. I'm late, so the boss asks me, „So are we going to dock your salary, or what?“ That's another „or what“. On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, „So are you going to pay this time or what?“ And, again, I do an „or what“. So you see, Doctor, when I get home I'm all tired out and I don't want sex any more.»

The doctor thinks for a second. «So,» he says, «are we going to tell your husband or what?»

Words and Expressions:

pastпоследний, прошедший

physicianврач cabтакси

fareплата за проезд

driverводитель

…or what?…или как?

dockурезывать, обрезать (зарплату)

salaryзарплата

to be tired outбыть усталым, вымотанным

Andy walked into the neighborhood bar and announced that he was divorcing his wife. The bartender asked why.

«Well,» Andy said, «yesterday was her birthday, so I took her to the fanciest restaurant in town.» «So?» the bartender replies.

"So I ordered a bottle of their best champagne, and I made a toast 'To the best woman a man could have.' "

«What's wrong with that?»

«Four waiters joined in…»

Words and Expressions:

to walkидти, передвигаться пешком

neighborhoodсоседство; соседний

to announceобъявлять

bartenderбармен

fancy зд. модный

restaurantресторан

to orderзаказывать c

hampagneшампанское

toastтост

wrongнеправильный, плохой; неправильно, плохо

waiterофициант

to join inприсоединяться

Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, «You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!»

Words and Expressions:

loyal зд. верный

to slipскользить, выскальзывать

coma мед. кома

bedsideместо у кровати

to cometo приходить в себя

to motionзнаком подзывать

to supportподдерживать

to failослабевать, сдавать

luckуспех, везение

every single dayкаждый божий день

to get firedбыть уволенным

to get shotбыть раненым или убитым из огнестрельного оружия

bad luckневезение

An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard. They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something.

Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: «Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and it was a pearl worth $50,000 . . . please advise.»

The old man faxed back: «Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.»

Words and Expressions:

stormyштормовой

waveволна

to searchискать

shoreберег

promiseобещание

to notifyизвестить

faxфакс

to haulвытаскивать сетью

deckпалуба

to attachприцеплять, присоединять

buttягодицы

oysterустрица

pearlжемчужина

to advise зд. извещать, предписывать

to re-bait(от baitнаживлять, заряжать насадкой) перезаряжать, наживлять заново

trapловушка

to wash overboardсмывать за борт

It readв ней говорилось

worth $50,000стоимостью в 50 тысяч долларов

to fax backответить по факсу

A woman was leaving a cafe after her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a very mean-looking dog on a leash. Behind that were 200 women walking single file.

The woman couldn't stand the curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, «I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?»

The woman replied, «Well, that first hearse is for my husband.»

«What happened to him?»

The woman replied, «My dog attacked and killed him.»

She inquired further, «Well, who is in the second hearse?»

The woman answered, «My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her.»

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two women.

«Can I borrow the dog?»

«Get in line.»

Words and Expressions:

widowвдова

funeralпохороны

processionпроцессия

nearbyближайший

cemeteryкладбище

hearseкатафалк

behindпозади, сзади

solitaryодинокая

meanдурной, злобный, угрожающий, низкий

leashсобачий поводок

singleодин; единичный; одинокий

curiosityлюбопытство

respectfullyуважительно

lossутрата, потеря

to disturbбеспокоить

to inquireинтересоваться, осведомляться

poignantострый, волнующий

thoughtfulвдумчивый, полный размышлений

silenceмолчание, тишина

to borrowвзять взаймы

lineочередь

to walk a dogпрогуливать собаку