Виктор Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

1. A farmer wanted to have his pigs serviced.

2. Randy here is the horniest rooster you will ever see.

3. So the farmer took Randy to the farm.

4. Before setting him loose, he had a long talk with Randy.

5. Having finished his way with each hen, Randy stopped.

6. The farmer, watching all of this, cried out, «O.K., Randy, carry on!»

7. A buzzard was circling above Randy.

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Он отправился на рынок в поисках петуха.

2. У меня как раз есть для тебя петух.

3. Я рассчитываю на тебя, что ты сделаешь свою работенку.

4. Ни слова не говоря, Рэнди с гордым видом направился в курятник.

5. Было много пронзительный криков и летящих перьев.

6. Рэнди закончил свои дела с каждой курицей.

7. Фермер смотрел на это все с недоверием.

8. Бедняга, ты убил себя. Я тебя предупреждал.

Любое предложение в английском языке, содержащее существительное, включает в свой состав и артикль – определенный, неопределенный или «нулевой»: А (неопределенный артикль) farmer wanted to have his («нулевой» артикль) hens serviced, so he went to the (определенный артикль) market looking for a rooster…

Проверьте свои навыки использования артикля, при необходимости обращаясь к грамматическому комментарию (раздел 1).

6. Insert articles where necessary:

1. _______ farmer wanted to have his _______ hens serviced, so he went to _______ market looking for _______ rooster.

2. He wanted to find _______ very good rooster to service all his _______ hens, and when he told this to _______ market vendor, man answered. «I've just _______ rooster for you.»

3. "Randy here i

isgreatest rooster

you might have ever seen!"' 4. So farmer took

Randy back to

the farm.

7. Render the joke.

A burglar had broken into a house late at night, in total darkness. He was working his way through the house making no noise when he heard a voice. He stopped and listened for a while and heard nothing. He continued his journey through the rooms looking for the one with all the «goodies» when he heard a voice again. This time he could faintly understand it. The voice said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.»

This made the burglar just freeze, and he waited to see what would happen. Nothing, the burglar heard nothing for some time and resumed his search. Just then he heard the voice again, much louder this time, it said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.» This was puzzling to the burglar and he was about equally curious and scared, so he began working his way toward the voice. He entered another room and a voice in the room said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.»

This scared the hell out of the burglar, and he just stood there motionless for about five minutes and heard no further noises. He then felt around and found a light switch and turned it on. There was a large bird cage with a parrot sitting in it. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and Jesus sees you.» The burglar just grinned and went to work filling his bag and left the light in the room on. He had his bag about half full when he turned to look at the parrot again, this time he noticed that a Doberman Pincher was lying under the table that the bird cage was on. The parrot stared at the burglar and then said, «Sick him, Jesus.»

Study the words and expressions given below:

burglarвзломщик

totalполный; полностью

" goodies" сленг добро

faintслабый

to freezeзамораживаться, застывать

to resumeвозобновлять, приниматься снова

searchпоиск

to puzzleставить в тупик

equalравный

curiousлюбопытный

to scareпугать

motionlessнеподвижный

switchвыключатель

parrotпопугай

to grinусмехаться, ухмыляться

for a whileв течение некоторого времени

to breakinto вломиться

to work one's way through (toward)прокладывать путь через (к)

to scare the hell out of sbчертовски испугать

to have sth about half fullиметь что-л. наполненным наполовину

to feel aroundпощупать вокруг

Sick him!Взять! / Фас!

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. What did the burglar hear when he was working his way through the house?

2. What room was he looking for?

3. What did the voice say?

4. What did the burglar feel around for?

5. Who was sitting in the cage?

6. Who was lying under the table that the bird cage was on?

7. What do you think happened to the burglar after the parrot had ordered the Pincher to do his stuff?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. He waited to see what ______ happen.

2. The burglar heard nothing and ______ his search.

3. This was ______ to the burglar and he was about ______ curious and scared.

4. He began ______ his way toward the voice.

5. This scared ______ out of the burglar.

6. He ______ around and found ______ and turned it on.

7. The parrot looked at the burglar and said, «I see you and ______ sees you.»

3. Match the two parts of each sentence:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Взломщик вломился в дом поздно ночью, в полной темноте.

2. Он остановился и прислушивался некоторое время.

3. Он стал искать комнату со всем добром.

4. Он едва понял эти слова.

5. Это заставило взломщика просто застыть.

6. Он возобновил свои поиски.

7. Взломщик был в равной степени испуган и заинтригован.

В предложении The burglar stood motionless for about five minutes and heard no further noises слова minutes и noises стоят в форме множественного числа. Они образованы путем прибавления окончания -s к основе слов minute минута и noise шум.

Слово goodies также стоит во множественном числе, но образовано оно от слова goody и, очевидно, по другим правилам. По каким?

Проверьте свои навыки образования формы множественного числа имен существительных (для справки см. грамматический комментарий, раздел 2, с. 240).

6. Put the words from the text into Plural form and read them according to the rules:

burglar

hell

journey

bird

house

minute

room

cage

night

noise

time

parrot

way

light

search

bag

voice

switch

puzzle

table

7. Render the joke.

A woman goes to the vet. She says, «Doctor, I think there's something wrong with my dog. He hasn't moved all day.»

The vet examines the dog and says, «I'm sorry. I'm afraid your dog is dead.»

«Dead! How can he be dead? He was just fine yesterday. Are you sure he's dead? Isn't there some other test you can run?»

The vet leaves and returns in a moment with a pet carrying case. He opens the case and a large cat emerges. The cat plods over to the dog and sniffs around its head. It then circles the dog, sniffing and poking around. After a minute or two the cat returns to its cage.

«Well,» says the vet, «that pretty much proves it. He's dead.»

«I guess you're right,» says the woman. She is coming to grips with what happened. «At least you did your best. How much do I owe you?»

«$230.»

«$230?! For what? All you did was tell me my dog was dead. What did you do that costs $230?»

«Well it's $30 for the office visit,» says the vet, «and $200 for the cat scan.»

Study the words and expressions given below:

vet сокр. разг. veterinaryветеринарный врач

to emergeпоявляться, возникать

to plodтащиться, передвигаться с трудом

to sniffнюхать, обнюхивать

to pokeтыкать; совать(ся)

gripзахват; способность понять, осознать что-л.

to guessдогадываться

to oweбыть должным

to scanсканировать, исследовать

to run a testпровести анализ

that pretty much proves it разг. это со всей очевидностью доказывает это

to come to grips with sthосознавать, понять

to do one's bestсделать все, на что способен