СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - NGOSUKU. Iqiniso elihlekisayo

– Kanjani? – ebuza, ethinta umphimbo kaMethodius futhi ehleli njengengulube, uBald enamathambo akhe ezandla zakhe.

Ngaleso sikhathi, i-cormorant yakudala, izama ukukhamba iphuma ngaphansi komfundi oleminyaka ephakathi nendawo, isuse izindlebe zayo zesobunxele ikhiphe iplamu ekhaleni lakhe. Indoda eyimpandla yaphendula ngaphandle kokukhulula izandla zayo, imshaye ekhanda ekhanda.

– Kuhle, ngomusa. – Ngazama ukuzola abo cormorant abo abasha, ngiqonde. – Hheyi, bantu abangenamakhaya, bachitha emibhedeni. Ake ungitshele, Methodius, yini eyaqala ukubhuza?

– Me!! -ngavumi ukuhamba noBald, umkhulu waqala ukuzithethelela. – Ngilala, ngandlela thize, ngizwa othile etha uthango, ngivula amehlo – iqhwa. Ngashukumisa futhi ngaqala ukusukuma. Ngiyajika, futhi phambi kwami kukhona u-anti no-tram, amasentimitha ayishumi ukusuka kimi. Ubusuku buyabanda, nge-hangover, futhi noLysy, izinkomo, baziphonsa, ah!! Yay!! Yay!! – kathathu wamemeza uMethodius.

– Yep!! Yep!! Yep!! – Kathathu uLysy wamshaya emehlweni.

Ngemuva kwesigamu sehora, sesivele sa-oda ama-gramu angamakhulu amabili futhi besizokucacisa ukungaqondi kwethu. Futhi ngakho inyanga yonke, ngenkathi uMethodius engazange abe mpofu. Into enhle ikhadi lasebhange. Ngokomnotho…

– Kwakunjalo, kulezo ezikude ngaphandle kwezikhathi zomthetho, lapho i-tundra yayingumuntu. Phakamisa umphetho we-tundra-man, isigamu sosuku, wehlise i-armpit ye-tundra-man, uhhafu wobusuku. Futhi izintwala zahlala kukho. Futhi ukubhekisisa umbono wamaphesenti ayikhulu, lezi bezingezona izintwala nakancane, kodwa ama-mammoth, amabhere amnyama, umbethe ekugcineni nezingulube. Futhi-ke wonke umuntu wabiza amaChukchi – abantu, ngoba kwakuyibo kuphela abazalwayo abahlala eTundra. Ngandlela thile indoda ye-tundra ihamba ne-armpit iphakanyisiwe futhi iyisakaze, ngenkathi amaChukchi e-yaranga asinda esivunguvungwini esibi. I-armpit yayeka ukuklwebhula i-tundra-man, futhi isiphepho sancipha. Futhi abakwaChukchi bashiye amakhaya abo e-tundra ngokushesha bambonga ngeqhwa elimhlophe elihlanzekile nomchamo wakhe ophuzi. Futhi i-tundra yafana nokuntuleka kwamavithamini emzimbeni, njengamqubuko emzimbeni. Futhi konke lokhu kwavela futhi wonke umuntu waqala ukudansa, kepha buthule izithonjana eziphuzi zaqala ukunyamalala, othile wazintshontsha futhi washiya izimbobo. Futhi-ke, uSerezha wasendaweni engenamakhaya yaseChukchi, wonke umuntu ayibiza ngokuthi «iqhwa eliphuzi,» yaqhubeka nendaba yakhe, le ndoda ye-tundra yamyalela ukuthi afune isela aligxobe aluhlaza. Onke amaChukchi angcwatshwe eqhweni futhi, ebheka, alinda futhi amangala. Kuyavela ukuthi izingane zabo zaphenduka isela, ebheka lezi zimpawu zama-cockerels, abazithengisa kwi-bazaar. Futhi njengoba ingane izelwe, bathi kuye:

– Ungadli, bastard, iqhwa eliphuzi!! -amshaye, amshaye ngaphambi kwesikhathi, ikakhulukazi ekhanda.

Sekukonke, uSerezha-Yellow Snow wayebukeka emncane, eneminyaka engamashumi amabili nesikhombisa, konke okunye kufana nokwakwaChukchi. Waya e-Central Library waqoqa amabhodlela lapho. Lakanye waqala ukunyamalala okwensuku. Wonke umuntu wayehlukile, kodwa enelukuluku lokwazi. Ngesikhathi evele, wabuzwa imibuzo. Wayethule. Kepha kwathi lapho esephuzile futhi uSerezha Yellow Snow wavuma ukuthi uzoshada kungekudala.

– Futhi kubani? – kulandelwa ngumbuzo.

– Yebo, kunengxenye eyodwa yenhliziyo yami, uhlala esifundeni, yize eseneminyaka engamashumi ayisithupha nanye, ngoba lokho akudingeki ukwenza noma yiziphi izingane, sekuvele kukhona eziyisishiyagalombili. Lapha ngiyabondla futhi ngifundise, njengoba ubaba angikhulisile, nobaba wakhe ongubaba, nobaba – ubaba, umama wakhe ngoba ubungenababa wawunjalo. – USerzzha waziqongqotha emakhaleni akhe, wakhipha imbuzi, wayibuka wayidla. – Ngiyamthanda uChupa-chups, kepha unikeza imicabango ehlakaniphile. Hhayi, kudala nje akekho owathola indlu. Wakhwela phakathi lapho, wabheka, yayikhona indawo eyanele wonke umuntu: umkakhe, kanye nami, nezingane. Kuliqiniso, lo mdala uyaxolisa, uboshwe iminyaka eyishumi nambili. Kepha ngisemncane, ngiyisiphukuphuku, kungqongqoza abangamashumi amane kuphela. Ngamfundisa, kepha akazange akholelwe isipiliyoni sami. Yebo, ihlobo lisekhona, ngakho-ke nginqume ukwenza ukulungisa i-euro endlini, sengivele ngithenge i-putty, umbala, amabhulashi. Kuliqiniso, abanye omalume bangena: «Wenzani?». – bayabuza. «Ukulungiswa». – Ngithi, kodwa ngavele ngabona ukuthi base bephuze, indlu yayivele ihlala kimi. -I-Serezha Yellow Snow yathatha i-cracker ngaphansi kombhede, yachofoza i-cockroach engazi ukuthi ingagxuma kanjani kusukela kumthengisi, yagcoba ngo-ketshezi ophuzi futhi, yayisonga, yayicima. URusk uqhekekile, kepha akazange aqhekeke. UChukchi wavula kancane amehlo akhe, ebuka i-fang ephukile enamathela ngaphandle kobuhlakani bomqhekeki.

– Ooooooo!! wabubula futhi waqala ukufudumeza izinyo lakhe ngentende yakhe…

Ihlobo selidlulile. UChukchi wafika namaFingals, ngaphandle kwamazinyo angaphambili. Ekhanda lakhe kwakukhona ugebhezi lwegazi oluhlanganisiwe.

– Yini uSeryozha, okwemuka kwendlu kugujwa, kwakumnyama, ukukhanya kuphume? – Abangenamakhaya babedlala.

– Cha, labobabekazi nabanikazi bale ndlu bafika, kodwa ngangivele ngiqedile ukulungisa, ngangifuna ukuhamba nomndeni wami. Ngakho bangishaya ngezinduku. Izinja. Ukuphela…

Ilanga lalikhanya. Isibhakabhaka sasicacile futhi izimbangi zasekhaya ezingenamakhaya zihlala emagumbini okuhlala zigcobise amakhadibhodi, zifaka amanye amabhodlela, kanti ezinye zisaphaza amathini we-aluminium wama-cocktails nobhiya. Konke kuzohamba kahle, kepha kwenye yezindawo zokuhlala abafundi, kwakukhona ama-UAZ amabili anezibani zokukhanya ezihlaza okwesibhakabhaka kanti «obaba» baphume ngomnyango futhi «babanjwe izandla» owesifazane kanye nabafana ababili ababegqoke izambatho zangaphambilini, ezibizwa nge- «yolks» kubantu abavamile. Izakhamizi zakule ndawo bezingakaqondi isizathu sokuboshwa, ngoba le nhlangano ibigcwele imfucumfucu endaweni yokulahla udoti, futhi ihlanza nemigwaqo nsuku zonke. Yilowo nalowo wayenomqhumo wakhe, izandla zakhe ezazivele zijwayele, futhi lezo zazimakwe umhluzi, isikhoji nesikhwama. Lawa mathuluzi abonakala kubo njenge-talisman noma i-amulet, njengendlu noma i-cottage ekhaya. Futhi, kwenqabe, ukuthi umuntu athathe umfokazi. Konke, ukufa. IKranty. Kepha uvele kulo mthandazi phambilini ngaphambi kwalesi sigameko kanye noMadame Tumor wesine. Futhi siyahamba.

Ngosuku olwedlule. Ngakusasa ekuseni, uMadame Tumor uvuke okokuqala wanquma ukuyobonisa enye indlela, enze umsebenzi ongcono futhi ahlanze le ndawo ngenkathi wonke umuntu elele ephethwe yisivunguvungu soshukela, okungukuthi ukubhaliswa emndenini. Onke amalungu ale «genge» awazange aboshwe. Ngenxa yokungabi neyakhe, uthathe iqoqo lomunye umuntu, ngethemba lokuthi, bathi, konke okungokwakhe?! Kuyahamba, kuyashanela, kuqoqa izinkabi zikagwayi, kususe zonke izinhlobo zamaswidi weswidi futhi kungadeleli, kubheke okuthile emabhineni bese kuqoqwa udoti osakazekele emaphethelweni namathangi asendleleni. Usehlanze phansi insimu futhi ngokushesha ubona indlela ngaphesheya komgwaqo owesilisa nowesifazane bahlela ngokuqinile.

– Scandal. – UThandame Madame Tumor futhi uqhubekele phambili ekuhlanzeni insimu. Ingxabano yafuthelana futhi kwavele kwezwakala amazwi, lapho le nkosikazi ikhala ngokungazelele, ngezwi elikhulu kangangokuba kwazwakala ukuduma kwezwi. UMama Tumor waphakamisa amehlo wabona ukuthi lendoda ngendlela ebabayo ishaya intokazi izihlathini. Abantu abedlula benganaki, kepha isela elishisiwe lezinkukhu namaqanda enkukhu esikhathini esidlule, ikakhulu osayizi abakhulu, lelo elangezwe ngabaphathi bepulazi lezinkukhu kumaqanda amabili athathwe kuye ngesicelo se-loader-cohabitant, esasiqoshwa yikhamera yezokuphepha yaleli bhizinisi. Angikwazanga ukumelana nayo ngaqala ngomshanelo ngaphesheya komgwaqo. Izimoto ngokuxakeka zamyeka, kwaba sengathi uyahlanya. Yena, enganakile izimoto zakwamanye amazwe ezibabazekayo, wagijimela emgaqweni futhi, njengekhayithi evela ezulwini, wagijimela kumlimi, wamshaya ngezindiza ebusweni ngomshini onomshanelo, lapho inyoni yenja yaphuma yaya emaceleni. Le ntokazi yahlikihla amehlo ayo ngokungakholelwa futhi, emboze umlomo ngezandla, yahleka kabuhlungu. Ngokuphazima kweso ukuthi uzoyithatha kuphi. Kungazelelwe, ngaphandle kwendawo, kwaqhamuka amaphoyisa amathathu ngokushesha aqala ukudonsa uMadame Tumor. Ukumemeza:

– Le boor, shaya lentokazi!!

– Thambisa umoya, yehlisa umoya! – Amaphoyisa abuzwa ngenhlonipho. – Akekho umuntu oshaye umuntu. Bheka lapho. – Kude kude ungabona ikhamera ye-movie nabasebenzi befilimu abanodondolo.

– Le filimu idutshulwa ngumseshi ophenya amahlaya! – Ungeze iphoyisa lesibili.

– He he he he!!! – ukhokhise owesithathu. – Futhi inkohliso inkohliso! Hu hu hu!!! Futhi ukulwa!

Isishubhu sahlala phansi, sanyakaza okuthile, sababaza abaculi, sabheka emaphoyiseni, sathatha umhluzi saya emgaqweni omkhulu uFurshtatskaya.

Futhi ngalesi sikhathi e-candeyka, lapho inkampani ye-gop yayikade ihlangana khona, futhi manje abasiki bengqephu bavuka kumuntu obophela imishini, babona ukuthi enye yezinto ezatholakala ingekho noma ilahlekile, yakhula imilenze yakhe babaleka, baqala ukulungiselela uzungu lokudalula isela noma imilenze yakhe. Sebehambise amabhodlela ashiywe ngempelasonto edlule, bathola imishini yokuhlanza ebizwa ngokuthi yi- «Snowflake» kanti, sebeyixhakamisile ngamanzi asendlini yangasese, ngenxa yokushoda kukompompi, maqondana nokulungiswa kwepayipi, baqala kancane ukuphuza, bedla izinsalela ezazicishwe izolo emgqonyeni kadoti ubizwa – bay futhi omuncu kakhulu.

Kwakusondela ntambama. U-Madame Tumor ushaya ingoma yentombazane yakhe elahlwe yicala, wabuyela e-canday, ephethe, ngesandla esisodwa, yokusungula, kwesinye isikhwama enamathini ka-aluminium kabhiya namabhodlela. Ngaphandle kokucabanga noma ukusola noma yini, wavula umnyango wangena ngaphakathi kwe-candeika, ebhekene nesiphetho sakhe…

Ekuqaleni, wahlangatshezwa ukubonwa phansi kwangaphambilini.

– Hawu, yini? – Kuqala ikhonsathi esabekayo, umfelokazi omnyama, owedlule wabulala abayeni bakhe abathathu, kusukela ehleli endaweni yababulali eneminyaka engu-15 waqamba igama elithi Kampuchea, nangobuzwe bakhe – uKalmyk ngaphandle kwamazinyo angaphambili.

– Yini? – ethuke kancane futhi edidekile, wabuza uMadame Tumor futhi wabeka i-yokusungula.

– Yini, ini? – ungeze ngokuqinile igama lakhe elithi hahal elaziwa ngegama elithi – uBalamut ngohlobo lwesifo sofuba esivulekile. – Esikhathini imbongolo fuck, hhayi hot?

– Mina, ngicabanga isizathu sokushayisana, kusho uMadame Tumor. – Ngihlanze insimu.

– Futhi kanjani? – ubuze umlingiswa wesithathu wale geyimu yamahlaya, igama elihlwabusayo elithi – Fox.

– Ngabe konke kuhlanzekile?! kusho yena.

– Futhi thina Fuck! – Bhekiswa Kampuchea. – Akuwona umsebenzi wakho, ngeke uthathwe nguwe, awuzange uwuthathe njengento ebhakedeni, kepha, bitch?

Futhi lapho siya khona: ekuqaleni wayeshaywa kabuhlungu futhi ekhahlelwa emilenzeni nasenqindi. Ngemuva kokungena, izinto zahamba: ama-thermometers amathathu, ephukile emgodleni wakhe womlomo, ukushayeka okubili ngesinqe sentambo entombazaneni, kunqamula kanzima nge-rose kusuka ebhodweni elalihlekile lamehlo nezihlathi, izilonda zommese eziyisikhombisa emzimbeni ngommese, kuphule amabhodlela kabhiya alethwe kuye ngesando esidonswe ngaphakathi kuye. ukuqala ezindaweni ezingamanyala zokusondelana. Futhi ngenkathi ukwazi ukucula «ikhekhe leqhwa» nokwenza amathile. Ekugcineni, ngemuva kokuduka, isidumbu esingaphilanga sasihudulelwa echibini, kepha umakhelwane wahlangana wabiza amaphoyisa ngasese namaphoyisa nge-ambulensi.