СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - IZIMBALI ZESONTO. Amaphupho amnandi

© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2019

ISBN 978-5-0050-9180-2

Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero

Kude – kude nomngcele we-USSR yangaphambili (manje eyiKazakhstan) neChina, eningizimu-mpumalanga yesifunda saseSemipalatinsk, eduzane nedolobha lase-Ayaguz, elihunyushwe ngokuthi «Oh inkunzi», bekukhona inkundla yokuhlola yenyukiliya enomoya we-radioactive onesifo othole ukunganaki kososayensi abasebenzayo. Kuwo wonke imvelo, ukuguquka okuhlukile kuvame ukuvela, ukuguqulwa okuhlukile: khona-ke amakhanda amabili azalwe emzimbeni owodwa we-mutton; khona-ke imisila emibili – esikhungwini noma enyokeni; bese kuba nezinyawo ezintathu nesandla esisodwa, kwinzalo kaTemujin (Genghis Khan), isakhamuzi sendawo. Futhi kwenzeka ukuthi abavamile bazalwa, njengoSparrow Stasyan, ngokwesibonelo.

Kwakungekho phutha emzimbeni wakhe, konke kwakunjengoba kufanele: umsila, umlomo, amehlo, nokuningi… Konke kwakunjengondlunkulu, kepha wayenenkinga yeplamu. Ngokuqondile, zazingenazimpaphe nhlobo, futhi yayinezimpandla ngokuphelele. Futhi-ke, kusukela ekuzalweni, yena, impilo yakhe enzima, waphoqeleka ukuba ayisebenzise emhlabeni, emibi kakhulu kunenkukhu, ukuthi okungenani iflatters. Kepha akukho kubi ukwedlula enye imidlwane noma isilulu, engenakhaya noma igundane… Ngamafuphi, angalokothi athathe isibhakabhaka, njengezihlobo zawo ezinemibala, amthuka ngenhlamba embiza futhi ehlazisa, amemeze ezidlekeni, amachwane asivele abalekile. Futhi noStasyan waze wamthela ngampela – undlunkulu wayedabukisa ikhanda lakhe ngokudabukisayo wakhala izinyembezi emphefumulweni wakhe, ugeleza lapho izinyoni zomunye umuntu zimlahla. Futhi ngakho nsuku zonke. Kepha wayefuna ukundiza ngempela, ukuthi wayengumuntu olele ubuthongo ebuthongweni bakhe, aze azame ukuthatha ngaphezulu kwesisodwa, khona-ke iqiniso akuyona iphupho futhi, ugxuma ungene kuJava futhi usebuthongweni bomuntu olele, waphakamisela amaphiko akhe asezimpandla futhi, wagxuma futhi wawa phansi…kwaze kwenzeka, eshaya ebunzini lakhe, bese kuba khona umsila. Lokho avele nje angakuzami, kepha akukho okwangena esikhundleni sezimpaphe zakhe.

Kwake kwathi lapho, ngemuva kokudabukela, wahawukela undlunkulu onamanzi amile, waphinda futhi, ebalekela ikati elahlekile eyayifuna ukumudla, wahlangana nesidumbu esibolile segwababa. Izibungu zemaggot zazimhlwitha kahle umufi, futhi izimpaphe zimane zilala emathanjeni emhlabathini eduze kukadoti womuntu. Wathatha izimpaphe ezimbili namawele akhe wazisongela njengamaphiko, waphenduka, wakhumula emhlabathini. Waphupha sengathi uyokhozi luphapha phezulu esibhakabhakeni futhi lilandelela leli kati eliyimpuphu lesidlo sasekuseni, ngaleso sikhathi elalizama ukubamba nokuqothula umuntu ompofu – umuntu okhubazekile ohlangabezana nokuhlolwa kwekhomishini okungekuhle ngemisebe engashayi emkhathini. Kepha ubambe izimpaphe ezihlathini zakhe futhi ehlanganisa iminwe yakhe, bekungelula ukuthatha ikhefu futhi bekungasetyenziselwa ukwenyuka kubheke phezulu, ikakhulukazi njengoba kungekho msila we-feathery futhi u-Stasyan akakwazanga ukuqondisa, ngakho-ke ukuze ajike kwesobunxele, kwesokudla, phezulu naphansi, kwakumelwe afike emhlabeni, ajike ngomlomo nangeflatter emuva ezulwini. Yebo, futhi awukhuphuki ubheke phansi endlini yangasese. Bekumele ngenze indawo ephuthumayo yokufika, okuholele ekulimaleni kukakhanda noqhomo, ngoba imvamisa nayo yayiyehlisa. Vele, wafunda ukundiza kanjena hhayi kudala, waze wamukelwa izimpaphe izihlobo zakhe waphinde waqala waphila, wasinda, wabaleka wacasha. Kepha ekuphishekeleni okulandelayo, waphinda futhi, okungenani ukubonakala okufana nokwendlunkulu, ngisho nokubheka phansi, waphola. Kepha kwathi lapho uStasyan engafiki ngempumelelo kumkhiqizo omusha, ongumuntu, ongenakhaya, ofudumele, onjengomkhiqizo onephunga elimuncu wepheshana lesisu. Ngezwi, ku-shit. Umuzwa wawungemnandi, futhi kwakudingeka ukugeza, kepha kwakukhona ukushoda kwamanzi: ngemuva kwakho konke, i-steppe zone. Abantu bathatha amanzi emthonjeni. Futhi umfula woma phakathi nehlobo, ngeke kube nezimvula ezinye izinyanga eziyisithupha, ilanga selishonile. Kuzofanele silinde kuze kube yilapho imishini isomile futhi inyamalala – uSstasyan wacabanga ngokuzwakalayo futhi, esiya ohlangothini olunelanga, walala ngomhlane wakhe waqala ukulinda.

Futhi ngaleso sikhathi, inqwaba yezimpukane eziluhlaza zasendle yayisondela eduzane, uStasyan wayengazi lutho ngayo. Cha, wabona izimpukane empilweni yakhe waze wazidla, kepha zifile futhi zomile, njengamakhambi obhiya. Abaphilayo babevame ukumjikeleza, ukuze bangabi imvuthuluka, esiswini senyoni yakhe. Emva kwakho konke, izinyoni zihlafuna isisu sazo. Futhi okwamanje, iphunga lokugoba nokubukeka okungenakuqashelwa, njengenhlama yenqwaba yamahhashi, kufihle isimo sakhe sokuzingela inyoni edla inyama, enkulu yezimpukane. URoy wehlisela ikhanda londlunkulu phezu kwesaka wenza ukwehla kwasemini, wehla ngasikhathi sinye, kepha kwakungekho. Imfucumfucu yayiwugqinsi phambi kwamehlo nemilenze yezimpukane ezinomdlandla ezinamathele emzimbeni wonke. Ngezikhathi ezithile izimpukane beziguquka endaweni, ngaleyo ndlela zivimbele ama-paws awo ekugcineni ukuba anamathele ekudleni. Izimpukane eziphambili, zazifuna ukukhipha umyalo wokuba zishintshe izindawo, lapho amiswa iso likaStasyan elivulekile, phambi kwalo lalisesiqongweni somlomo wakhe.

– Yima!! Kubuza uStasyan.

– Ungubani?? – Umholi ubuze ngokwesaba – Ngiyinkosi yakho, uyaqonda?

– Yebo.

– Bizwa, nceku yami!

– Sithandwa … – Kanjani?

– Sithandwa…

– Izinyosi ezindizayo eziphezulu?

– Ungamane: «ukundiza Uju.»

– Fly Uju … – UStasyan wanikina ikhanda. – kungani uju?

– Simnandi, uyazi? Izinyosi ziyagqoka…

– Sithandwa, noma yini?

– Ngokubona kwakho – Sithandwa, kepha ngombono wethu – Uju. Hheyi, sahamba ngendiza…

Izimpukane eziphambili zizamile ukukhipha ama-paws alo, kepha kwakephuze kakhulu, zaphenduka amaphiko aso ngaso leso sikhathi, kepha amandla adonsela phansi abamba undlunkulu ngokunganyakazi, wabona ukuthi udinga ukugxuma futhi abhale kuTwitter:

– Eureka!!! – futhi wagxumela umhlane wakhe njengenyinja. Izimpukane zabamba umfudlana womoya zayiphuca umuntu oyimpandla ngenhla komhlaba. Ukusuka kudoti oseduzane, ikati efanayo yavele yagxuma yaya endaweni yesigaxa esimnyama esinsundu esindizayo.

– Kuphezulu, phezulu, kundiza Uju!!! -U-Stasyan wamemeza, ngolimi olungaqondakali kubantu nasezinkomeni, kepha izimpukane zamqonda kwathi ngemuva kokuqeda ishumi neshumi nanhlanu lomlingani wazo, alalela imiyalo yakhe, amaphesenti ayikhulu. Ngakho-ke waba umphathi wezinhlwathi, futhi umholi wazo wangaphambili wazamukela ngokuzithandela lesi sikhundla sokuba ngumshayeli wamabhanoyi futhi wavumelana nomuntu wazo zonke izihlobo zakhe ukuthi uma uHerr Stasyan engabashwabadeli, bazobe sebelungele ukumkhonza ngokwethembeka. Ngakho-ke undlunkulu oyimpandla ongene emfuleni wangena ezinyangeni zezinyoni futhi, ngaphezu kwalokho, waqala ukundiza kabili ngokushesha izihlobo zakhe nangaphezulu, njengoKhozi lwangempela.

Ukhozi oluziqhenyayo lwabhabha esibhakabhakeni futhi lwabona umqhudelani esondela kuye evela emhlabathini. Ngaphambi komuzi, akekho noyedwa owayengakwazi futhi engenalo ilungelo lokukhuphukela ezingeni loKhozi, futhi lokhu …?!? – nje ukubanda kanye nokungazi!! – wacabanga Ukhozi futhi wabamba uStasyan empukane ngewashi lakhe, waliletha kuqhwaku lwayo olwesabekayo, olunamandla, olukhulu.

– Ungubani wena? wakhula, njengegramophone, waya kulo lonke izulu futhi waqhumisa amehlo akhe njengonogwala bangempela, ekhafulela amathe amakha acwebezelayo avela kumphangi, njengomculi wombhobho futhi edonsa izimpukane ezinamathela. Izimpukane eziyikhulu zashaywa ngokushesha, ngaphandle kwamawele.

– Yaa? Hawu, nginguye… Ukhozi. – wethukile, ngezwi eliqhaqhazelayo, kuphendula uStasyan. – njengo-tee, uh… naye ungumhlaseli.

– Bambelela kumnikazi, sikanye nawe!!! – ikwaya yanyakaza futhi yahleba, insalela yesigidi iyasala.

– Ukhozi, noma yini?! Yebo? – Ukhozi luvule umlomo waso, kakhulu ukuze kungangeni kuphela undlunkulu, kepha futhi nezimpukane, ezazingasabi nakancane, kepha kunalokho: zahlikihla amehlo zanyibilika ngasikhathi sinye.

– Impela ngingu-Oryol!! – kumemeza uStasyan futhi wazama ukuphuma ngaphansi kwezihlwayi zesilo somzimba wezulu. Kepha Ukhozi kusukela ebuntwaneni, njengazo zonke izingane, wayesaba ukukitaza futhi isifiso sakhe sokuchoboza loboor nomkhohlisi, sehlulekile. Izimpukane ezakhashelwa ngondlunkulu, ngamandla abo onke, amaphiko ne-proboscis kukitaza isithende, imilenze yokhozi.

– Wah wah wah wah!!! – Uhlekiswe ngenkani, umhlaseli wangempela wezulu, indawo yendawo, lapho-ke akakwazanga ukuyimisa futhi wayicekisa imbandezelo yayo enamandla. Sparrow waqondisa amathambo omgogodla futhi wathatha isikhundla sokuziqhenya.

– Yebo! Ngiwokhozi njengawe!! – undlunkulu wakhonkotha, wehlisa izwi lakhe, wadonsa ngamawunga amahlanu futhi wagcwala umoya ophuma ku-controcta.

– Futhi kuyini, ukukhwehlela? – U-Orel Stasyan ubuze ngokuzola okwengeziwe.

– Uxolelwe ngenkathi undiza. I-peel, ebhema, i-balle … – iphendulwe ngezikhwanyana, ukudansa, undlunkulu.

– Balel, uthi? – uPredator obhuduzelayo uklaze isilevu sakhe ngesihlakala sesibili. – futhi yini encane kangaka?

– Enye i-parody!! Yebo?! – Ngaphandle kokucabanga, uStasyan uphendule, esengene ngokuphelele isibindi sobuciko.

– Hhay, ngaboshwa futhi … – ngenxa ye-Eagle ebald. – Futhi yini iphunga elimnandi kangaka? Fuh, kubola? – UHighlander wabopha umlomo wakhe. – uyajuluka

– Akunjalo, oh mfowethu omdala! Ngivele, uh … – undlunkulu ephendulile uphendulile.

– Udakiwe. – wamoyizela umdala endiza Uju, manje ongumqeqeshi wendiza. – Yisho ukuthi udonsa, angidlanga shit entsha, ebolile…

nje, yidla ihhotela eliningi.

– angidli shit, moron. – UStasyan washayela.

– Ubani, lokhu okuhlebayo kuwe? -Ngizwile futhi ngithukuthele, ukhozi lwaluqaphile futhi lwabuka.

– Yimina, loju lwezinyosi … – Bengifuna ukuzethula, okuyinhloko futhi kungindiza kuphela epaketheni, kepha undlunkulu wakuxwayisa ngomlomo waso, usuka ngapha nangapha, njengoba, nangomunwe we-index, izingane zenqatshelwe ukukhulisa.

– Hlobo luni lwefulawa? Ubani igama lakho? – kubuza uKhozi ngokumangala.

– Cha. Igama lami nginguStasyan.

– Stasyan?? Ama-Armenia noma ini?

– Futhi Uju ngamathumbu ami. -ukuqala kwakungundlunkulu.

– Yebo, mina isibindi futhi igama lami Fly Uju, lonke elinye emzimbeni izimpukane – indoda, futhi mina – Abesifazane – esiswini, okungasekelwe kugaywe yokuthi isidingo nobuwula abasha. – indiza endala yacwiywa yavalwa.

– Kulungile, sidabule… kodwa yini, isihlobo esincane kangaka? – futhi ukhozi lusakaza isifuba salo.

– Futhi ngi… uhlobo oluhlukile…

– Lokhu kuyaqondakala, kepha ikhulelwani?

– Benginempilo enzima: ngangiyintandane eyayifakelwe amanzi.

Ngokuvamile, konke impilo, isibhakabhaka sasingashintshi. – wakhala uStasyan.

– Yini, ilahlwe esitokisini?

– Okubi kakhulu, kusukela e-zoo, ngivela e-Almaty, kodwa angazi ukuthi kuphi. – Kusho uStasyan.

– Futhi undizela eRussia, basho ukuthi umnotho uyathuthuka.

– Futhi yini, wena uqobo ungandiza?

– Mina?! Cha, ngifile, ngifunwa lapho.

– Kungani?

– Yebo, kunezenzo, Mina, ngokushesha, lapho sifika, ama-oligarchs azongibamba angivale ukuze ngiphile impilo yezinyoni noma ngenze isilwane esinezimpiko. Ngaphezu kwalokho, lapha ngangivele nginomndeni, indodana. Kahle, sihlobo. -uqede Ukhozi netshe, ngokushesha kwawa phansi, lapho kwakukhona indawo ehambayo emhlabathini. Ngokusobala: i-jerboa noma i-squirrel yomhlaba.