СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - Wopanda Chinyengo. Wofufuza woseketsa

Atamaliza ntchito, Ottila Aligadzhievich Klop, monga nthawi zonse, adatenga chithunzi patebulopo ndi chithunzi cha Purezidenti yemwe sanayende bwino, napumira pa iye, ndikupukuta pamanja, ndikupsompsona pamphumi pamutu ndikubwezeretsanso pamalo ake abwino pakona yakumanja ya tebulo, ndikuyiyika pensulo yanyumba ndi zolembera, mphira, mapensulo Phukusi lililonse la nyuzipepala zotsatsa zaulere zaukhondo. Adadana ndi pepala la kuchimbudzi. Ndi yopyapyala ndipo chala chimabedwa pafupipafupi panthawi yofunikira kwambiri ndiye muyenera kuyisula. Ndipo ndikugwedeza pamalo pang’onopang’ono, pali mwayi wa chala chomwe chikugunda chakumaso kwa mkati mwa chimbudzi cha Soviet Union ndikumva kupweteka, nzeru zake zidapangitsa kuti chala chodwalacho chinyowe ndi malovu ofunda, m’malo mwake akumva kukoma kwa ndowe zake, zomwe adavala kwa maola 24, kuyika chimbudzi.

Kupukuta thukuta pamphumi pake, mikono, mikono, miyendo ndi pansi pa mazira, pomwe adalumbira thukuta kwambiri, adagwiritsa ntchito chopukutira chosamba. Mukufunsa: bwanji osasanza? Yankho lake ndi losavuta: thaulo ndilokulirapo ndipo limatenga nthawi yayitali.

Kunali kochedwa, ndipo banjali linali kale kupuma kale. Ottila, atalowa mkati mwa nyumbayo, analowa m’khitchini mwakachetechete, atenga chikwaniro cha mafuta owonjezera malita asanu kuchokera mufiriji. Kulandidwa kwa huckster wakwanuko. Anawakakamira mpaka m’mimba, amangotenga mbale, pomwe panali chigawo cha hering’i, cholumidwa ndi m’modzi wanyumba. Kapena mwina mbuzi yakale iyi, Intsephalopath, yemwe anali asanamenyeke mano ake moyo wake wonse ndipo anangoluma nsagwada ndi caries.

«Ndichifukwa chake ndinali ndimasamba,» Klopa adazindikira, «akupsompsona Isolde, Isolde Izyu, ndipo Izya amapsompsona milomo yanga kwa zaka zisanu ndi zinayi zomwe amabwera kuchokera kusukulu kamodzi kapena kawiri pachaka. Uku sikuti kwa pedophilism, m’modzi kapena awiri … – Koma mano a Incephalopath anali akuda, hemp ndi mizu nthawi zonse amatuluka magazi, koma Harutun sanamve kupweteka konse. Kusokonezeka kumeneku mu DNA sikunamuvulaze konse, koma m’malo mwake kunathandizanso pakufufuza.

Ottila anali atakwinyira ndipo anafuna kubwezeretsa mundawo, koma atangotaya mtsuko, anaganiza zokana. Kuwala kwa mwezi kumachotsa chilichonse. Chifukwa chake adasintha malingaliro ake ndikupita pagome. Kunali TV yaying’ono kukhitchini, ndipo anayiyatsa njira. Komanso ndili m’njira, ndinapita pachitofu cha gasi ndipo ndinatsegula chivundikiro cha poto, nditayimirira pa tiptoe. Fungo lake, atatopa nalo, adangomwa mowa Ottila ndipo adafuna kudya kamodzi. Adatenga chikho cha mbale: mbale, piritsi, tsabola, pepeni, mkate, mayonesi, wowawasa wowonda, kefir, airan, kounto, ketchup, tsamba la bay, mug, zikuni ziwiri: zazikulu ndi zazing’ono, ndipo, akuvutika kuti agwire bwino, adapita patebulo, adadzuka natopa: manja onse awiri adadutsa, adadzaza kwambiri komanso ndimangogwiritsa ntchito mawondo. Chilichonse chidayima chimayenda pang’onopang’ono. Ottila anayesera kukankhira mbale patebulo ndi mphuno yake, koma gome linali lalitali, ndipo nsonga zake zinayamba kutupa. Ottila adadzitukumula ndikuyika chilichonse pampando. Kenako anangoyendayenda kwinaku akukankha mpando kuti mutha kuwona TV, ataimirira pampando, womwe akukonzedwanso ngati tebulo, ataimirira, adatsanulira magalamu zana limodzi ndi makumi asanu mumiyala ndikutulutsa mokwanira, nadzaza zonse nthawi imodzi ndi swig imodzi ndikumapita nayo mokweza mawu omveka. Adasilira ngati ndimu yakale, osazengereza, adagwira gawo laing’onoting’ono ndi asanu onsewo ndikumangiriza theka limodzi ndi mafupa. Mafupa anakumba mkamwa mwake ndi lilime lake. Adaweruka, koma kenako adakumbukira yoga ya abambo ake ndiku kuyiwala zowawa, popeza agogo kapena ana amaiwala makiyi ndi zopusitsa zina. Kenako pamzere panali msuzi. Msuziwo umakhala ndi zodetsa zotsatirazi: nandolo, sauerkraut, mbatata, anyezi wokazinga ndi kaloti pa phala la phwetekere, nyanga za tirigu zofewa, semolina, dzira la nkhuku yosakanizika ndi chidutswa chogwiritsidwa, chipolopolo, kukula kwake, komanso kukula kwa fupa limodzi ndi nyama m’malo osungirako poto. Nyama, mwachiwonekere, idadyedwapo kale, pamfundo: «M’banja lalikulu… musadina.» Poyamwa msuzi watupa kale ndikuwoneka ngati ntchentche zamahatchi, Ottila adalumikizidwa pafupa ndikukhala moyo, kwinaku akumvetsera mosamala nkhani. Magazini yotsatira ya Call Center inali pa TV:

– Ndipo chosangalatsa kwambiri, Wolengeza adapitilizabe, «… mphunzitsi m’modzi ku Irkutsk anali wokonda Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol ndipo anangosiya ntchito yake, makamaka ntchito» NOS». Moyo wanga wonse ndinasunga ndalama kuti ndipite ku Leningrad (komwe tsopano ndi St. Petersburg), pomwe panali chikwangwani chosema ndi mphuno yayitali papepala lamkuwa, lofanana ndi Gogolevsky, adayimanga. Koma Perestroika anasokoneza malingaliro onse; adayika ndalama zonse zomwe adasungira mu OJSC MMM ndipo, monga mamiliyoni aomwe adasiyidwa, adatsala ndi dzenje la donut. Atadzilimbitsa ndikukumana ndi vuto lalikulu la Myocardial, adayambanso kusunga ndalama kuti apite ku St. Petersburg ndipo ngakhale mobisa, adadzinyenga, adatola mabotolo opanda kanthu ndi zitini usiku m migodamo zinyalala ndi m’misewu yodutsa. Ndipo loto lomwe lakhala likuyembekezeredwa kwanthawi yayitali linakwaniritsidwa m’zaka khumi. Adafika ku likulu la dziko lapansi ngwazi ya St. Ndipo, atazindikira mu ofesi yofunsira kuti pomwe pali chipilala chofunidwa ndi chomwe chakhala chikuyembekezeredwa kwa nthawi yayitali, adathamangira ndi zinthu zoyendera anthu ambiri posamutsa atatu, bwanji osamutsitsa? Ndikungokhala kuti Moskvichka anali atakhala mu tebulo lazidziwitso, ndipo a Muscovites, mosiyana ndi Pitertsev, amakonda kutumiza njira ina, monga nthawi ino. Atafika patatha maola asanu kuchokera pamalo omwe ankamuyembekezerawo, adayang’anayang’ana, osapeza chilichonse, adaganiza zofunsa oyang’anira oyendayenda omwe adayang’anitsitsa antchito osamukawo omwe akachotsa agogo awo kwa iwo:

«Okondedwa,» adawayimbira, m’modzi wa iwo adayankha nati, «kodi mungandiuze komwe kuli chipilala cha» NOS «cha Gogol?

– Ndipo apa, – wogwira ntchito adapotoza mutu wake, – kwinakwake kuno. – ndipo adaloza kukhoma lopanda kanthu komanso laanaana: kuchokera pachiwonetseropo panali mabowo pakhoma ndi cholembedwa chokha, kukula kwa mbale yabedwa ndi mphuno ya munthu. Agogo anamwalira nthawi yomweyo chifukwa cha vuto la mtima. Izi zidatha. Zabwino zonse. Kuti

Ottila adamwa kapu ina ndikupita kukagona.

Mumdima pafupi ndi bedi adasunthira pansi ndikukwera kuti athetse mbali ya mkazi wake, yemwe anali kuwombera mosinthana. Sanasunthe nkomwe. Atakwera pamwamba pa mkazi wake ndipo anali pakati pa khoma ndi mkazi wake, adadabwa ndi kuwombera ndi mphepo yochokera pamilomo ya theka lokondweretsayo. Ottila adadzuka mpweya ndikuwukitsa chifuwa chake cham’mwamba, chokulirapo pang’ono kuposa mutu wake, adakhotetsa mutu wake kumbuyo kwa mutu wake kuti ayambe kugona. Anaika khutu lake kumunsi ndipo anatchingira khutu lakumaso. Kupsompsonaku kunasowa, ndipo anagwedezeka ngati mwana, mwachimwemwe ndi chitonthozo.

M’mawa adadzuka atapendekera pilo. Kunalibe mkazi. Adapita kuchapinda chosambira ndipo atasamba, atavala zovala zathunthu. Adapita kukhomo lolowera ku Strongpoint, natenga chogwirira, ndipo… Chitseko chidatsegulidwa kuchokera kwa iye ali munthawi iyi ndikugwedezeka, pakadali pano amasuntha chitseko, akumakoka Ottila m’malo a Strongpoint, ngati kuti alibe cholengedwa cholemera. Adawulukira ndikuthawira ku Mount Wife. Mimba yokhala ndi mabere omata ndikukankhira precinct kumbuyo.

– ndindani? Izoldushka!? – Adafunsa modabwa ntchentche ndipo zitatha izi adamva kuwawa kumbuyo kwa mutu wake, ndikugunda pansi.

– Pukuta mapazi ako, ndinatsuka kumeneko. adakhazikika ndikupitilirabe pansi, ndikugwada m’munsi kumbuyo, kumbuyo kwa iye. Wapolisi adazungulira bulu wake, ndikupukuta miyendo yake, atavala zovala ndi makutu a kalulu, ndikulowa mu ofesi. Choyambirira chomwe adachita, adakwera pampando, kenako adapita pafoni yomwe idali ndikumukoka. Adanyamula foni, ndikukhala m’mphepete mwa tebulo ndikuyika khutu. Adayimbira foni abwana ake, ndikugwedeza miyendo yake, ndikudikirira, kuwerengera beeps.

– Ullah! – idamveka mbali ina ya waya pambuyo pa mawu makumi asanu.

– Comrade Marshal? Izi zikuyitanitsa a Mr. General General Klop.

– Ahhhh… ndi iweyo? – Comrade Marshall sanasangalale, – zinthu zili bwanji m’malo atsopano? Simunayimbire kwa nthawi yayitali, munayamba kuyiwala kuti ndani… uh… um, akudyetsa.

– Ayi, ndinu ndani, Eximendius Janis oglu Snegiryov. Palibe chifukwa chosokonezera mutu wanu wachikulire pachabe.

– Baska, mukuti, wamtali?

– Uh… ayi, pepani, mutu.

,Chabwino, tiyerekeze pambuyo pake, zamakhalidwe abwino kwa omvera ndi eni ake. Kodi muli ndi chiyani, china chofunikira?

– Inde!!!

– Mukunenera chiyani, pygmy si Russian?

– Pepani, eya.

,Chabwino, talankhulanso za kuchuluka kwa kuchuluka kwa njira yolankhulirana ndi foni yomwe yakhazikitsidwa powerenga koyamba kwa nyumba yamalamulo ku Moscow ndi Russia. Ndipo bwerani mwachangu, ndachedwa msonkhano.

– Kodi mwawonera dzulo usiku nkhani yotsatira ya Center Center?

– Ayi, ndili ndi DiViDishka. Ndipo chiyani?

– Ku St. Petersburg, chipilala chinabedwa kwa Nose.

– Ndipo chiyani?

– Ndikufuna ndikafufuze nkhaniyi, ngati mungandilole, O Hon. Mr. Marshall.

– Zingakhale bwanji mphuno, palibe amene wandiuza, lankhulani momveka bwino. Ndi chipilala chiti chomwe mphuno zawo zidadulidwa?

,Chabwino, ndi Gogol..

– Mphuno ya Gogol idadulidwa?

– Ayi, Gogol ali ndi nkhani ya FNL.

– Ndipo chiyani?

– Kulemekeza nkhani iyi, chidikumbutso chidakhazikitsidwa ku St. Petersburg ndipo chidabedwa. Ndipo ndikudziwa amene adachita izi.

– Wosowa pokhala kapena chani? Palibe wina. Ndi mkuwa. Ndipo mukufuna chiyani kwa ine?

– Yesetsani bizinesi iyi, cartridge.

– Basi khalani otanganidwa, vuto ndi chiyani? Koma pokhapokha nthawi yanu yaulere.

– Koma ndidzafunika ndalama, ndalama zoyendera, chakudya, malo ogona, hotelo.

– M-inde. Zinali zoyenera kuyamba ndi izi. Ndikungofika ku St. Petersburg, mungathenso kutenga mtunda ndi sitima, nkhani ya Bomzhovskoe, ndiye kuti palibe chilichonse pa hoteloyi. Mutha kuzisintha kusiteshoni kapena, kapena, ku malo osowa pokhala. Mudzadya nawo. Ndipo mumzindawu komanso wapansi mumatha kuyenda ndikuwona zomwe zikuchitika ku St. Palibe ndalama mu bajeti mpaka nditamaliza kumanga nyumbayo. Kodi mukumvetsetsa?

– Ndipo kuchokera ku desiki yanga ya Strongpoint yanga? Ndasankha pano za chindapusa kuchokera kwa alimi tonse.

– Ndipo zochuluka?

– Inde, ndizokwanira nthawi yoyamba.

– Chabwino. Tengani kuchokera ku akaunti. Ngati mungathetse vutoli, ndidzabwezera ndalama zolandirira ndalama, koma ayi?! Sikuti ine ndisankhe, chifukwa ndalamazi ndi za anthu onse.

– Zabwino, Eximendius Janis oglu Snegiryov. Zachidziwikire, ndili ndi nthawi yochepa, koma ndibwera ndi china chake. – Ottila adayika foni ndikukhazikika patebulo, mikono itakulitsidwa.

– Nayi, bizinesi yatsopano! Tsopano apeza za ine ku Petrovka 38.

Khomo lidatsekeka, ndipo miyeso yayikulu ya Isolde Fifovna, theka lake lalikulu, idawonekera.

– Kodi mudya? – adafunsa modekha, – ndipo osakhazikika patebulo, ndidapukuta.

– Nditadya chakudya cham’mawa pano!

– Kodi zikutanthauza chiyani PAKATI? Kodi ndili ngati wopemphapempha kapena china chake? Pitani kukhitchini ndikudya ngati wina aliyense. Sindikunyamula.

– Ndikanakonda kutero, koma Marshall ayenera kundiimbira foni.

– Marshal? Ndinganene choncho. Ndiye dikirani. Mwanayo abweretsa zomwe zatsala. Ndipo tulukani patebulo, Sherlock Holmes… Hahaha … – adaseka ndipo adalowa theka lachiwiri la nyumbayo.