Виктор Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

Study the words and expressions given below:

elderlyпожилой, стареющий

to joinвступить (куда-л.), присоединиться

pastorсвященник, пастор

requirementsтребования (от to requireтребовать)

parishionerприхожанин (от parishприход)

to abstainвоздерживаться

to replyотвечать

couchкушетка

to reach (for)дотягиваться (до чего-л.)

canбанка

cornкукуруза

topверх; верхний

to bend (over)наклоняться (над чем-л.)

lustсильное желание

advantageпреимущество

to stateутверждать

to join a churchвступить в церковь

to be ableбыть способным, мочь

No problem at all!Никаких проблем!

to go without sexобходиться без секса

Congratulations!Поздравления!

Welcome!Добро пожаловать!

to be welcomeбыть желаемым, желанным (где-л.)

to pick sth upподнимать что-л.

to be overcome with sthбыть охваченным (чем-л.)

to take advantage of herвоспользоваться удобным моментом

right thereпрямо там

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. How many couples wanted to join the church and how old were they?

2. What special requirements did the couples have to meet if they wanted to join the church?

3. Who did the pastor go to first when the couples returned after the two weeks' trial period?

4. Why was it easy for an elderly couple to be admitted to church?

5. How did the middle-aged husband cope with the problem?

6. What was wrong with the can of corn?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. Two couples wanted _______ a church.

2. We have special _______ for new parishioners.

3. You must _______ from having sex.

4. No problem _______, Pastor.

5. _______ to the church!

6. I had to sleep on the couch for _______ of nights.

7. We were not _______ to go without sex.

8. My wife was _______ for a can of corn.

3. Say if the sentences are true or false:

1. Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join the army.

2. We have special requirements for new parishioners.

3. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.

4. The couples didn't agree and never came back.

5. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights.

6. I was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it.

7. We're not welcome at the local zoo anymore either.

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Три пары захотели вступить в церковь.

2. Мы предъявляем особые требования к нашим прихожанам.

3. Пары согласились и пришли назад через две недели.

4. Никаких проблем, пастор!

5. Поздравления! Добро пожаловать в церковь!

6. Первая неделя была не слишком тяжкой.

7. Я был вынужден спать на кушетке пару ночей.

8. Я был охвачен сильным желанием и воспользовался своим преимуществом над ней прямо там.

9. Нас также не хотят больше видеть и в местном супермаркете.

В предложениях You must abstain from having sex for two weeks; Were you able to abstain from sexfor the two weeks? I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but… используются так называемые модальные глаголы и их заменители (must, to be able, to have to).

Проверьте свои знания модальных глаголов; при необходимости используйте грамматический комментарий (раздел 20).

6.Translate from Russian into English using modal verbs and their substitutes:

1. Вы можете вступить в церковь.

2. Вы сможете вступить в церковь, если выполните особые требования.

3. Вы должны воздерживаться от секса в течение трех недель.

4. Мы не можем сделать этого.

5. Мы должны были прийти через три недели.

6. Мы не смогли сделать этого.

7. Я вынужден был спать на кушетке.

8. Мне не было необходимости спать на кушетке.

9. Можно мне вступить в вашу церковь без испытательного срока?

10. Мне позволили сделать это без испытательного срока.

11. Вам не следовало бы больше ходить в местный супермаркет.

7.Fill in the blanks with proper forms of the verbs:

1. It's a recommendation that you (to join) _______ a church.

2. It's necessary that we (to have) _______ special requirements for new parishioners.

3. He suggested that we (to abstain) _______ from having sex for two weeks.

4. He urged them (to come) _______ back at the end of two weeks.

5. He found it necessary (to sleep) _______ on the couch for a couple of nights.

8.Fill in the blanks with proper forms of the verbs:

1. I want you (to join) _______ a church.

2. He expected them (to abstain) _______ from having sex for two weeks.

3. The pastor saw the elderly couple (to enter) _______ the church.

4. He let them (to pass over) _______ to the altar.

5. This made him (to sleep) _______ on the couch for a couple of nights.

6. He watched the wife (to try) _______ to reach for a can of corn.

7. He saw her (to pick) _______ the can up.

8. This made him (to take) _______ advantage of her right there.

9. Render the joke.

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship. «How do you feel about sex?» he asked, rather hopefully.

«Oh, I like to have it infrequently,» she responded.

The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, «Was that one word or two?»

Study the words and expressions given below:

to decideрешать

to embarkпускаться (в плавание, в разговор и т.д.)

regardingотносительно, касательно (от to regardсчитать)

financesфинансы, финансовое состояние

arrangementорганизация (от to arrangeустраивать, организовывать, оформлять)

to broachпочинать, открывать

subjectпредмет, вопрос

connubialсупружеский, брачный

relationshipотношение

hopefullyс надеждой

infrequentlyнечасто (от frequentlyчасто)

to respondотвечать

it was time to do sthвремя (пора) делать что-л.

living arrangementsусловия жизни

and so onи так далее

broach the subjectподнимать вопрос

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. When did the elderly couple decide it was time for them to marry?

2. What sort of conversation did they embark on before the wedding?

3. What did they discuss?

4. What subject did the old man decide to raise in the end?

5. How often would his partner like to make love?

6. Taking into account the old guy's age, would he prefer «in-» to stand for a prefix or for a preposition?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. An elderly couple had been _______ for some time.

2. Before the wedding they _______ on a long conversation.

3. They discussed _______, living arrangements and so on.

4. Finally the old man decided _______ the subject of sex.

5. Oh, I like to have it _______ .

6. Was that _______ word or two?

3. Say if the statements are true or false:

1. An elderly couple had been living together for some time, and decided it was finally time to divorce.

2. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

3. They discussed government policy and finances.

4. Finally the old lady decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship.

5. Oh, I like to have it in frequently.

6. The old guy thought for a moment, then asked, «Was that one word or two?»

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Пожилая пара решила, что им пора пожениться.

2. Перед свадьбой они говорили о том, как они могли бы жить вместе.

3. Наконец он решил заговорить об их брачных отношениях.

4. О, я люблю это изредка.

5. Это было одно слово или два?

Практически в каждом английском предложении активную роль в согласовании его членов играют предлоги и предложные конструкции.