Виктор Миловидов - Английский разговорный шутя. 100 самых смешных анекдотов на лучшие разговорные темы

Проверьте свои навыки преобразования прямой речи в косвенную, при необходимости обратитесь к грамматическому приложению (раздел 13).

6. Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:

1. I asked her, «When were you married?»

2. He said, «We celebrated our first night together.»

3. «They are doing what newlyweds always do,» he whispered.

4. «I will go into the bathroom,» said the groom.

5. «Please, bring a towel from the bedroom,» he asked her.

6. «Where are you?» she asked.

7. «Why are you staring at me in such a way?» he asked.

8. «Well, that is what we had so much fun with last night,» he answered.

9. And she asked in despair, «Is that all we have left?»

7.Put the verbs into proper forms:

1. When the young couple were getting married, they (to decide) _______ they (to celebrate) _______ their first night together.

2. He said that he (to go) _______ to the bathroom in the morning.

3. Morning came and the groom (to go) _______ into the bathroom but (to find) _______ no towel there.

4. When she got to the bathroom door, he (already to open) _______ it from inside.

5. She said that was all that they (to leave) _______.

8.Render the joke.

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time.

He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored. «What happened to your feet?» his wife asked.

«I had a childhood disease called tolio.»

«Don't you mean polio?»

«No, tolio, it only affects the toes.»

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. «What happened to your knees?» she asked.

«Well, I also had kneesles.»

«Don't you mean measles?»

«No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.»

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»

Study the words and expressions given below:

toeпалец ноги

to twistскручивать

to discolorобесцвечивать

diseaseболезнь

polio разг. полиомиелит

to affectвлиять t

o remove зд. снимать

to revealоткрывать

awfulужасный

kneeколено

measlesкорь

shortsтрусы, шорты

to gaspзадыхаться, открывать рот от изумления

smallpoxоспа

smallcoxрезультат игры слов, наложения семантики слова smallpoxна просматривающееся через контекст слово cock, которое в силу этого приобретает оттенки значения «маленький»

to get undressedраздеться

awful looking разг. awfully lookingвыглядящий ужасно

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. What were the newlyweds doing for the first time?

2. What did the groom's toes look like?

3. How did he explain the condition of his feet?

4. What was wrong with his knees and how did he account for this fact?

5. When he removed his shorts, what disease did his wife suspect he might have had?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. Two newlyweds _______ their honeymoon.

2. His toes were _______ twisted and discolored.

3. What _______ to your feet?

4. I had a _______ disease called tolio.

5. It only _______ the toes.

6. He _______ his pants and _______ a pair of knees.

3. Match the two parts of the sentences:

4. Match the words and expressions in the left column to those in the right one:

5. Translate from Russian into English:

1. Он снял ботинки и носки.

2. Что случилось с пальцами твоих ног?

3. У меня была детская болезнь – корь.

4. Он обнажил ужасно выглядящую пару коленок.

5. Она оказывает воздействие только на колени.

6. Его жена открыла рот от удивления и сказала: «Не говори мне, что у тебя еще была и оспа».

В предложении His toes were all twisted and discolored… используются глаголы в форме пассивного залога.

Проверьте свое знание данной формы, при необходимости справляясь в грамматическом комментарии (раздел 14).

6. Put the verbs in brackets into Passive:

1. Two newlyweds (to invite) _______ to their friend's house to spend the honeymoon there last year.

2. Just you wait! The shoes (to take off) _______ in a moment.

3. The socks (to dry) _______ at present.

4. My toes (to twist) _______ because of the disease I had in childhood.

5. At last the pants (to remove) _______.

6. His knees definitely (to affect) _______ by polio.

7.Transform the Direct Speech into Indirect:

1. His wife asked, «What happened to your feet?»

2. He said to her, «I had a childhood disease called tolio.»

3. She said, «Do you mean polio?»

4. She asked, «What happened to your knees?»

5. He said, «I also had kneesles.»

6. She said, «Are you having anything now?»

7. He said, «It only affects the knees.»

8. She asked, «Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!»

8. Find English equivalents to the Russian words in the scanword:

1. (t…) палец ноги, 2. (d…) болезнь, 3. (r…) снимать, удалять, 4. (r… ) открывать, 5. (а… ) изумление, 6. (h… ) здоровый, 7. (w… ) бороться, 8. (g… ) стонать, 9. (b… ) невеста, 10. (а…) ужасный.

9. Render the joke.

It's a beautiful warm spring day and a man and his wife are visiting the local zoo. She's wearing a cute, loose-fitting, pink spring dress, sleeveless, with straps.

As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the gorilla begins to go ape. He jumps up on the bars, holding on with one hand (and two feet), grunts, and pounds his chest with his free hand. The gorilla is obviously excited at seeing the pretty lady in the pink dress.

The husband, noticing the excitement, suggests that his wife tease the poor fellow by puckering her lips, wiggling her bottom… play along.

She does, and Mr Gorilla gets even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggests that she let one of her straps fall.

She does, and Mr Gorilla is just about to tear the bars down! The husband then suggests that she try lifting her dress up her thighs. This drives the poor gorilla absolutely crazy.

Then quickly the husband grabs his wife, rips open the door to the cage, flings her in with the gorilla and says, «Now tell HIM you have a headache.»

Study the words and expressions given below:

to wearносить (одежду)

cuteмилый, славный

looseсвободный

to fitподходить по размеру (об одежде)

loose-fittingсвободного покроя

pinkрозовый

sleevelessбез рукавов

strapтесьма, лямка

ареобезьяна

exhibitвыставка, экспозиция

аре exhibitобезьянник

gorillaгорилла

barsрешетка

to gruntворчать, сердиться

to poundколотить

chestгрудь; грудная клетка

obviouslyочевидно

to noticeзамечать

excitementвозбуждение

to suggestпредлагать

to teaseдразнить

poorбедный

fellowпарень

to puckerморщить (губы), складывать (губы) в гримаску

to liftподнимать

thighбедро

to driveдвигать, понуждать

crazyсумасшедший, чокнутый

to grabхватать, захватывать

to ripрвать; раскрывать

to flingтолкать, бросать

to wiggle one's bottomкрутить задом

to go apeобезьянничать

to play alongиграть до конца

to wake the deadразбудить мертвого

to tear the bars downсносить решетку

to drive sb crazyсводить кого-л. с ума

1. Answer the questions to the text:

1. What sort of a dress was the wife wearing?

2. How did the gorilla start to behave when the couple was passing its cage?

3. What was the ape excited by?

4. What did the husband suggest that his wife do when he noticed the gorilla's excitement?

5. What did the husband suggest she do with the straps of her dress?

6. What drove the poor gorilla absolutely crazy?

7. Do you think the wife had really had many headaches?

2. Fill in the blanks with the words from the text:

1. A man and his wife are visiting the _______ zoo.

2. She's wearing a cute, _______ dress.