СтаВл Зосимов Премудрословски - Umcuphi ophambeneyo. Umcuphi ohlekisayo

© StaVl Zosimov Premudroslovsky, 2020

ISBN 978-5-4498-0219-4

Создано в интеллектуальной издательской системе Ridero

Molo

Ngokukhawuleza uqhubele phambili kwinkcazo yabathathi-nxaxheba abaphambili kwimisitho ephakanyiswe ndim kweli candelo lamatyala.

Owokuqala kuluhlu nguMajor General Ottila Aligadzhievich Klop. Kubo bonke ababemngqongile, wayengengomgangatho wokukhula – amashumi asithoba anesithoba iisentimitha.

Uyabuza: «Kodwa wamkelwe njani kuluhlu lwabagcini bomyalelo, emva kwayo yonke, emva kwemitha enye enesiqingatha abayi kwamkelwa emkhosini, kwaye ngaphandle komkhosi abayi kwamkelwa… Kodwa yena-ityala elikhethekileyo: abazali bakhe, ngokuchanekileyo, umama wakhe kunye notatomkhulu wakhe, ababemkhonza esikhundleni sikayise, abahlali abaqhelekileyo baseRussia Federation, abaneengcambu zobuYuda. Yinto yokuba umama wakhe, kube kanye kule nkulungwane idlulileyo, xa umhlaba wawungasasebenzisi iikhompyuter kuyo yonke indawo kunye ne-Great Soviet Union, ngokuzithandela wajoyina uluhlu lwe-odolo yamazwe angaphandle, uxanduva lwayo yayikukucoca abagulayo emva kokukhuphela ithayile. Kwaye kwenzeka oku kwelinye ilizwe lase-Afrika kwaye izizwe zakudala zeephiramidi eziphakathi kwe-Afrika zagula, enye yazo, okanye endaweni yoko le nkokeli, ngu-Mdala oMkhulu, ikhulu elinamashumi amabini lamawaka eminyaka yekhalenda yakhe indala, kwaye kuba oontanga bakhe bakrokrela (wasweleka) kudala, ke ngoko, abo bakukhumbule ukuzalwa kwakhe babengenguye kwaye wayenakho ukubanga ukuba umama wakhe nguLanga, kwaye utata wakhe yiNyanga, njl. njalo njalo.. Ewe, umama ka-Ottila wexesha elizayo wayengakholelwa kule ntsomi, kodwa akazange akhubekise, uvele wancuma wanikina intloko kwi-Great Old-Timer yawo onke amadoda oMhlaba. Emva kokuba efumene ubunkokheli, abaphathi bakhe babezilangazelela ngokungaqhelekanga: amehlo e-bison aqingqiweyo kwisoso segalikhi, amasi anendlovu eneswekile eneswekile, isiselo esitsha segazi se-Ivan Kozimovich. Ngokubanzi, umama okhulelweyo uvukile emva koko ubomi bakhe babungasenomdla.

Ngokomthetho wesizwe sasePygmy, ukuphakama okuphakathi kwejoni kunye nomlondolozi womyalelo ubuncinci amasentimashumi asibhozo kwaye kungekho ngaphezulu kwe-metimitha enye enesiqingatha, kunjalo, basiwa emapoliseni abo bathunyelwa betshintshana namava eRussia. Wahlala ke ke kwinkonzo: wafumana isigxina, njengabo bonke abasebenzi beendwendwe, kuba ke wayengummi weRussian Federation kwangaxeshanye, akukho mntu wayenokumgxotha. Ngamafutshane, yonke into inokwenzeka kwilizwe lethu, ngakumbi imali. Kodwa kuye kwafuneka ukuba ahambe ngoqeqesho emkhosini kunye noyise kwisizwe kwaye ayigcwalise indlovu kwiimviwo. Oku kuchazwe kuxwebhu oluboniswe kwindawo yemfuno, eyayifakwe kwisisu sika-Ottila kwaye yavunywa yi-UNESCO. Ewe, olunye uxwebhu lwaluluqhotyoshelwe kulo, nangona lwalungekho, lwalukhangeleka ngathi lungamakhulu amawaka. Kwaye ngakumbi nangakumbi kuxwebhu oluphambili kwaboniswa ukuba usebenzela isikhundla somkhosi jikelele wenxalenye esemantla-ezantsi kwesizwe esibizwa ngokuba yiNakatika Ui Buka. Ewe, esi sihloko sanikezelwa kuye ngenxa kayise ngobomi bakhe bonke, ngakumbi kuba isizwe sabo sidweliswe kwimikhosi ye-UN.

U-Ottila omncinci wafumana la mava alandelayo kwinkonzo yesizwe, ngokuchanekileyo, waphumelela iimviwo:: ukungxola, ukuphosa i-tomahawk, «ukukhwela iziqu», okwamvumela ukuba akhwele, kokubini kwinqanaba elinyukayo kunye neempundu. Unokuphosa imilenze yomibini phezu kweendlebe zakhe okanye zabanye kwaye, ebambe izandla zozibini izandla, akwazi ukudanisa umdaniso wempompo, ukwenza amaxesha amathathu ukuphakama, ecaleni kwendlela, ngaphambili, ngasemva, kwaye ngaphandle kokuchukumisa umgangatho. Wafunda ukondla iikati, izinja kunye nokunye ukuluma kunye nokuqwenga izilwanyana, kubandakanya iingcongconi, iincukuthu, iinciniba kunye nebhere emnyama.

Emva kokuba u-Ottila ethunyelwe ngesicelo sakhe nangesiqhelo ngenxa yokugula kukanina, wathunyelwa kwi-Ofisi yoMphathiswa Wezangaphakathi njengamabhalana – umfuduki waseMarshall, angazange ambone ngamehlo, kodwa weva ilizwi lakhe kunomathotholo kunye nomnxeba okhethekileyo. Emva kweminyaka engamashumi amathathu anesibini, watshintshelwa kwilali yaseSokolov Ruchey, kwiLeningrad Region, naseSt. Petersburg, kaloliwe waseLyuban, ngenxa yokusikwa kwezixhobo zolawulo.

Babemenzela indlu yendlu, isikolo sangaphambili. Isiqingatha sokuqala sendlu yokuhlala ngaphakathi kwezakhiwo zezindlu, kwaye esesibini senzelwe njengendawo eyomeleleyo.

Kwaye u-Ottila Aligadzhievich uhlala eofisini yakhe kwaye abhale ngekota, kwaye kwangoko, ingxelo yonyaka. Ungxamile, wenza iimpazamo, udidekisa amagama kwiilwimi, kwaye wazi uninzi lwazo, kubandakanya: IsiFrentshi, isizwana somthonyama, iilwimi ezintlanu ezahlukeneyo zaseSoviet, isiLatin, isiRashiya, isiTaliyane, isiRussia fenya, isiRashiya esingemakhaya, ulwimi lokuphanda imibuzo nabanye.

Uyabhala, ubhale, emva koko unyana oneminyaka elishumi eze eofisini yakhe:

– Utata? -umntwana othobekileyo wabuza u-Izya oneminyaka elishumi elinamashumi amathathu ubudala.

– Yintoni, nyana? -ngakhange aphakamise intloko, uphendule amashumi asithoba anesithoba utata ka-Ottil.

– Tata..? -Iyaathandabuza. Utata wayesabhala.

– … Well, thetha?! wabuza utata.

– Tata, ndijonge ibhokisi apha, huh?!

– Kwaye yintoni?

– Amanye amagama akacacanga kum apho…

U-Ottila wajonga unyana wakhe ngendlela utata, ngaphandle kokuthoba intloko, wathwala imilenze yakhe kwisitulo esikhethekileyo enamajikojiko emilenzeni esecaleni, waphakama, waguquka wahlala etafileni. Ngelinye ixesha wajonga unyana wakhe ngeglasi, wabeka phantsi kwincam yempumlo wabuza, ejonge ngonyana wakhe kwaye engaphakamisi intloko yakhe, eyenze intloko yakhe yabetha nentamo. Wajonga wonke umntu ukusuka ezantsi phezulu. Kukwaphula nesikhundla sakhe sokuba ngummi. Kwaye kubaluleke ngakumbi phambi konyana okhule njengomntwana oqhelekileyo. Kwaye ngoku, ehleli etafileni, wayekwazi nokuba nokugcona amashiya akhe amnyama.

– Kwaye ngawaphi amagama angaqondi kuwe, nyana?

– Kulungile..: Mongameli, aMandla, FSB.. yintoni? Okwangoku asikadluli kwimbali. Ngaba kunjalo, ngebhanti.

– Okanye ngaba usisikolo esili-procuratorial ngeli xesha lokufunda. -utata uye wancuma, wakhupha iiglasi zakhe, wazihlanganisa kancinci, wabeka itafile. Ubetha unyana wakhe egxalabeni ngesinye isandla kwaye wamhlikihla ngentloko enkulu yempandla, ebengengomntu.

Ewe, mamela, -ubawo wagula, -u Mongameli kusapho lwethu ndim, amanye Amandla ngonyoko. Kulungile, yena, uyayazi into ayenzayo… akavumi ukungenisa, ukhangela izifundo.

«Fees,» wongeza uIya.

– ayondli, kodwa ilungisa ukutya. -wongeze utata.

– Kwaye ke ngubani owondla?

Utata wajonga kweliso likatat’ekhulu elineliso elisehlo lasekhohlo, emva koko ekunene, efunyanwa ngunyana wakhe ngogogo wakhe, bathi yayingamaTshayina, kodwa yayinguRussia kuphela. Ibizwe kanjalo inkosikazi yakhe; ukuphakama, ubunzima kunye nobubanzi besinqe kumakhulu amabini. Uneenwele ezimhlophe kunye neblue-eyed ngaphandle, ngokungafaniyo notata onamehlo abomvu.

– Ndiyanondla nonke! -nekratshi kwilizwi eliphantsi utata waphendula kwaye wakhupha isifuba sakhe. Ubuso bakhe baba nobulumko obuphezulu.

– Kwaye ngubani ugogo? -abuza unyana, ekhetha impumlo.

– Musa ukukha iimpumlo zakho, nyana, namhlanje ayisiyiyo imini yomsebenzi, -kwaye wasusa isandla sakhe entloko kunyana wakhe, ….. umakhulu wethu yi-KGB. KGB yemveli endala.

– Yintoni i-KGB? -U-Sonny unexhala.

Utata uye wasikhulula isandla sonyana wakhe, ejonge kunyana wakhe, ejonge inkunzi yegusha esangweni elitsha, kumzobo waseDzerzhinsky.

– I-KGB iyafana ne-FSB. Mdala kuphela njengomakhulu. Kwaye kulungile, ayifani ngoku, yonke into yonakele… Ngokubanzi, umakhulu yi-FSB…

– I-KGB … -unyana ulungisiwe kwaye, eqokelele isabisile yesabile eyomileyo kwizisele zamanzi ezimpumlo, wakhupha, wamjonga, waluma iingono zakhe, wamkhulula, esonga impumlo yakhe. – phew.., ityiwa.

– AYIKUDI i-roe enganyelwanga ngunyoko? – ubawo wayenomsindo.

– Hayi uyondla.

– Ndenza imali kokondla. Kwaye umama uyapheka aze atye kuloo nto ndiyifumeneyo. Ndiyifumene?

– Yamkelekile, iyaqonda, yamkelekile…

– Wenze kakuhle utata wakho, kwaye …?

Unyana waphakama kwikhawuntara ye-SMIRNO, njengoko umbingeleli wayeqhuqhile ukumbulala.

– Wenze kakuhle esitalini, kodwa ndenze kakuhle.!!..

– .. Asshole… heh heh heh… Salaga. -U-Otila wabetha umva wentloko ngobunono kunyana wakhe, kodwa u-Izya uyekisa kwaye wasondeza isixhobo sokulwa ngqo ngqo edamini (impumlo) kayise, njengoko wayefundisa.

– Uh..– U-Ottila wagcuma, efihla iintlungu, isandla sakhe simanxaxekile, kwaye amehlo akhe elila iinyembezi, -Hayi ke, ngaba umama uyondla okanye akunjalo?

– Iimfuno. Ukutya okumnandi … – Unyana waqala ukukhetha kwindlebe yakhe yasekhohlo … -Uye ke udadewethu kwaye ngubani?

– Kwaye wena nodade wethu?.. kwaye NANGABantu! -utata wancuma wanxiba iiglasi zakhe, wehla etafileni waya kwizitulo wabhala ngokubhekele phaya, eguqa ngamadolo ukuba phezulu.

– Kwaye kuthetha ukuthini ke kwi-AUTHORity yethu, kuloo veki… lo… omnye uMongameli weza …, waseMelika, i-KGB ilele, kwaye abantu bakhathazeka?

– Yintoni enye into enje ngumongameli? – Amehlo katata aphuma phantsi kweglasi.

– Kwaye loo nto ivalela aMandla egumbini xa uhlala kwindlu yangasese iiyure ezintathu,..

– Kwaye emva koko?

– .. ke, bayahleka kwaye benyuka, njengeekati ngo-Matshi ezitratweni ebusuku, emva koko bayancwina njenge-piglets xa bengathathi hlangothi. Kwaye uphume-emva kokuhlamba – emanzi.

– kwaye ndiphi ngeli xesha? -Utata waqhaqha.

– Kwaye usahlala kwindlu yangasese kangangeyure.., kwaye, njengesiqhelo, ukukhwaza: «yizisa iphepha!!!».

– Apha, bitch … -sinde kwi-grin yamazinyo ka-General Klop.

– Kwaye yintoni i «bitch»?

– Awungekhe uyithethe loo nto kwakhona. Kulungile?

– Uqondwe, wamkelekile, Amen. -Ndiphinde ndaphakama, kwikhawuntara yeIzza.

– Unenjongo yokulwa, ukufumana ukuba ngubani uMongameli wesibini.

– Sele ifunyenwe. Lo ungaphantsi kwakho – Intsefalopath Arutun Karapetovich.

– Indoda endala le? Uneminyaka engamashumi amathathu mdala kuye, kwaye amashumi amane anesithathu ndimdala kunam. Hei… sisidenge esi, ngaba sisihlobo?

– Ha ha ha ha!!!! -Emva kwexesha elincinci, utata wavele waqhushumba kwaye waphantse waphuka isitulo sakhe. Injalo ke indlela ahleka ngayo, nokuba igama elicinyiweyo alinakuchazwa, lilize kuphela. Kodwa wabambelela egxalabeni lonyana wakhe. – Owu, ha, kulungile, hamba, kuya kufuneka ndisebenze, kwaye omnye lo Mongameli unamaqanda enkukhu efrijini yakhe ezipokothweni nasezihlangu.

– Hee-hee, -Iya igcinwe ithule, – kwaye mhlawumbi ikatala?

– Ufuna ntoni…

Unyana wayonwabile kwaye wabalekela kwisiqingatha sokuqala sendlu.

I-protagonist yesibini kunye nomncedisi wokuqala wamapolisa wesithili, u-Corporate Intsefalopat Harutun Karapetovich, owayesakuba ngumbhali gastorbwriter, wafumana umsebenzi kumhlala-phantsi ophakathi, ngenxa yomfazi ka-Ottila, u-Isolda Fifovna Klop-Poryvaylo. Wayemde kathathu kunomphathi wakhe kwaye wayebahlanu ngokuthamba kunkosikazi womphathi wakhe. Impumlo ibutshiwe, njengokhozi kunye neeblukhwe, njengoBudyonny okanye uBarmaley. Ngokubanzi, unyana wokwenene weentaba, lowo ekuqaleni kwePerestroika, ehla esiya etyuwa, ekhubeka kwaye eqagela e-gorge, kanye kwinqwelo yempahla, evulekile ngaphandle kophahla, ngamalahle avela eTbilisi – iSt. Kwisikhululo, uLyuban uvukile waxhuma. Usebenze apha naphaya de wadibana nenkosikazi yepolisa lesithili ngelixa laliselisela. Wamncoma njengomzala ovela kwiCaucasus.